I feel so jealous of other men and like I'll never be enough

Thank you, I hope other people think so too. I have never managed to find many other people who like to do similar things to me. I like doing anything outdoors- hiking, camping, working in the garden etc. I run, sometimes cycle, I like cooking, I used to do art stuff. I think they are pretty weird interests and I'm embarrassed to tell anyone. Most people seem to just like the same three things: Netflix, gym, nightclubs or gigs. Which is fine, but I still wish I could get interested in the same normal hobbies, or even better meet other people like me (if they exist).

Yeah, I think you're right in that having friends is a problme at the moment. My friends live in my hometown, but even after three years I have only one friend in my current city. Thank you for asking me questions by the way. I am trying to think about why I think this way. I'm sorry if I seem stupid.

The second question is easier for me to answer. It seems like in our society, a man's worth is based on how many women like him. And the more masculine he is, the more women like him. I don't understand why I care so much. Could be because whenever my masculinity has been questionned, it's been by women. Never by my Dad, Granddads or Uncles, even though they're all very traditonal men.

She is very attracted to him. We are really good friends and I am always worried she's going to compare us, where naturally I will come out as the worse person. If we were judged on stuff like who is good at keeping the house clean and organised, who is nicer to strangers and who is more accepting of different people, maybe I'd come out on top, but of course no-one values those stupid things. I don't have any friends here unfortunately. I have tried but it hasn't gone that well. Especially my attempt to make friends in the LGBTQ+ community. I felt like I was never good enough. I am definitely jealous. I am jealous of lots of people. I've never managed to find the confidence inside myself to like myself. It's not helped by all the negative things I was told about myself throughout my life.

 

Well, I was probably exaggerating a bit when I wrote that, but I do more than my fair share of tasks around the house. We sorted the bills out today. They did not even know the names of our utility providers! I have been paid that £45 I was owed. I have sorted some things out now I am glad to report.

If I am going to be completely honest, I have a problem with asking for what I need. It's from childhood, when I had it beaten into me that I should stay quiet and not be a nuisance by asking for things: 'Children should be seen and not heard', as my Grandma said. I was brought up to believe that the only value I had on this planet was in serving others and catering to their every whim while not complaining. My mom still lives that way. I still do not know how to relax- taking time to relax was seen as 'unproductive' (i.e. lazy) in my childhood home, as it still is today. I am unsure how to overturn these unhelpful things from childhood.

 

Thank you Cinnamoon, I have sorted the stuff with the bills out for now, so that stress is off my shoulders for now.