I realized that I was a lesbian when I was 12 years old, I'm almost 20 now and I still can't accept it. I grew up in a very homophobic environment and I'm filled with so much shame and disgust I can't get rid of. I've never had a problem with other LGBT people, I can easily accept and support them, but not myself. My parents are extremely homophobic, they think LGBT people deserve to be killed, but despite their horrible views I still love them and need them to accept me. I know you can't fix my problems for me, but I'm feeling depressed and I had to tell this to someone. Thank you if you took the time to read it.
From your description of your parents, I'm pretty sure that your views of yourself have a lot to do with the way you were raised and the ideas your parents passed on to you. What's your current relation with your parents? Do you live at home? Are you away at school? If you do still live at home, do you think it would be possible to start school, or get your own place/a place with friends? Or even, on a smaller level, could you take a short vacation with some friends for a bit? Basically, if you're able to look for some way of getting away from the homophobia/negativity toward being gay from your parents, I would suggest doing so - even if only in the short term. Why do you think you are accepting of other LGBT people?
Thank you for writing. I still live at home and I don't think I'll be moving out for a while. My parents have no idea that I'm gay, so they support me. I'm financially dependent on them, but I'm thinking about getting a job abroad next summer. I'm starting university this month so hopefully I'll meet people who accept me as I am. I have very different opinions from my parents, not just about LGBT, but about pretty much everything. I know that there's nothing wrong with being gay and I'm strongly against any kind of discrimination. I think the main reason why I still can't accept myself is because I'm the kind of person who tries to please everybody and I can't stand the thought of my parents being disappointed in me or hating me.
The impulse to please is understandable - but, it's important to remember that there's no pleasing people who are homophobic. Hopefully, and ideally, you and your parents will be able to come to some kind of understanding some day, but it's extremely unhealthy to try to sacrifice your entire personal life to please anyone, including your parents. In the meantime, if you do live with them, you may just have to look for spaces away from home as much as you can. Starting university is a good thing! Hopefully you will be able to meet other people there. And looking abroad for work sounds like a good idea too.
I know it's unhealthy and I'm trying to change it. And thank you so much for writing, it made me feel better.
I'm sure your parents are great people but the environment you're living in is very toxic. You're surrounded by homophobia constantly which has probably put you in a frustrated denial hell for the past 8 years. I think when you can you must move out and definetly move to a more accepting city because when you're in an accepting environment you feel a lot better about yourself and you grow as a person.
Thank you for writing. I know that this isn't the right environment for me, but I'm not sure where I could go. Sadly Hungary isn't a very tolerant and accepting country (I'm not trying to complain, I know that there are places where it's much more dangerous to be gay). I live near the capital city and in the countryside it only gets worse. I could go abroad for a while, but I don't want to move there permanently. But of course not everyone in Hungary is homophobic, so hopefully I'll find the right people.
I understand you. It's very difficult when you grow in a enviorment where being gay is seen like something disgusting. They can be even great humans and still have wrong concepts about it. If you can not move out, I advise you looking for lesbians and gays groups in your own city. I know that hungary is not one of the best cities for this but I have been given to understand that there are a few places for gays there. That way you can see there are thousands of people that feel the same, that you are not alone and you are not weird. Escape a while of your current enviorment to confirm you are not alone. Once you have accepted yourself a bit more, you can treat how to be accept by others. Because that last is complicated when the enviorment is hard.
