Hey friends.. I found this website while googling 'lesbian but has boyfriend' & the reason i would look up something like that is because I have a loving devoted man and before I met this girl who became my best friend I wanted nothing more than to marry him. I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years & live with him & his family (planning on getting our own place soon) shortly after my bf and I got together, this girl who I care incredibly so much about started texting on a regular basis. Flirting a lot, we clicked really fast. Open with each other. Then, one day she called me asking for a ride & a place to stay the night. Happily I went to pick her up (first time hanging out) we both were soooo shy, & when my boyfriend got home, that night we had a 3 sum. Mostly my girl & I got most of the action (which we both knew is all we wanted) he enjoyed himself as well. It was awesome. But after that my attraction to her (& other women) grew, I've had crushes on girls before but mostly secret and only one I told before this special girl. After the 3 sum we didn't talk much. My bf is kinda controlling & my backbone is tiny. He didn't like her much and judged her a lot. He's a little narrow minded. He knows 'I'm bi sexual but it doesn't matter cuz I'm with him' I've said that in the past. But now, it seems I'm in love with my best friend. She always told me I'm the only girl she would date, & I never reply to that because I was shy & never really dated a girl. Plus I have by boyfriend. Well last summer, my boyfriend left for 6 months for his job with little to no contact (letters, one call for a couple of minutes once a month) & she was mine the whole time. We did everything together. She kept me sane while I was lost. I've never felt so free, happy, or alive. We even pierced our nipples together, & had no boundaries. Kissed a couple times, hug and talk for hours. Those 6 months changed my life. Well now he has been home and things dramatically changed.. He doesn't like our closeness & I know he's jealous. She's been my only friend since high school. I trust no one and keep to myself but extremely friendly to everyone. But won't get close to anyone. Some people may think we're close but haha they don't know me. I'm safe this way. I'm a true wreck. I have issues like the fear of rejection, care too much for others if I can help I do. I pick up stray animals and cry when I'm sad or too happy. I'm pretty sure I'm not like too many other people. But anyways. I'm confused. He almost hates her. Every time I see her which is maybe once every two weeks I stay out way too late with her & he gets upset. He's just... Idk she says he's jealous & won't let me fly because he knows I won't ever land. He's a great hard working dedicated man, not many men like him. He's amazing. But lately I'm confused. My best friend has found a great guy of her own & still we love each other so much is this normal?? I think of her everyday, we always wana hang out & idk I'm confused. We're each others only friend pretty much. We've been thru so much. I can't imagine life without her. I fantasize about her, and other girls. Never guys. I love my boyfriend, but I feel confused. :help: I'm not attracted to guys, only their personality. But I'm attracted to girls in every way. If my boyfriend ever saw this, he may breakup with me. He's a prideful man. My doubt to him would be the answer. But in an open person. Please, anything would help. Am I a bad person? I'd never give up my best friend for him.
Hi there and welcome to EC. Just from what I've read here in this post, I see two separate issues. I'm not sure you're happy with your boyfriend - regardless of your orientation. He's controlling and jealous. It doesn't sound like you really enjoy spending time with him any more. You're in a tough spot because you live with him and his family, but that doesn't mean you need to stay with him. Is he really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? I'm sensing no - based on what I'm getting from your post. So maybe it's time to end it. At the same time, you're questioning your orientation. If you're only thinking and fantasizing about other women, then odds are that you're not straight and that you're inclined to be with other women. Ask yourself honestly - if both your female friend and your boyfriend disappeared from your life ,who would you be inclined to date next - a man or a woman? This is a tough situation, and your female friend has not found a boyfriend of her own, so it would appear that she is either struggling with her orientation as well, or is bisexual, or is straight. Only she knows - and only she can decide when she's ready to come to terms with her orientation. If she has a boyfriend, then you have to assume that she's bisexual or straight. It's a tough spot for sure, but good that you're contempating these things now before you're married and before you have children - because then the decision to leave is made even more difficult. Good luck!
Thank you Jim for your reply! I know it seems like I'm unhappy with him but I always tell myself things will get better & that with some time I will be happier with my own place if I ignore my feelings about women, he's so great! I'm seriously a really lucky girl to have this man, & he loves me so much. Everything he does is for me. I want to be his. I want to be there for him, I love him. I don't want to break his heart. Plus, I like his manly body & when he's around me I'm glued to him but my confusion makes me bitter sometimes. I don't want to be with anyone else. Ugh I'm confused my best friend also did in fact find a good guy and told me that our love is a kind of best friend love. She likes guys. But was curious in the past. & now that she has him he gives her the sex she desires. I think I just wana explore my sexuality. I like women. But I love my boyfriend. I'm stuck.
