I think that I'm going to start off by saying that I've identified as a bigender Bi-Panromantic for a while now. I'm in a relationship, and am friends with people who are VERY LGBT. Sooooo uh, I do not know if I should ever tell my family about myself. Especially my parents. The only one in my family I think would be alright with me is my sister, but she always tells everyone whenever I do or say anything. I am an athiest, but my parents are very religious (My mother sharing christian beliefs, and my father sharing muslim beliefs). They do not know where I stand religiously either. You've most likely guessed already that they're both homophobic. You've guessed right. They've both gone on very long rants to me about LGBT people, but my father is the one who's done it the most. Slurs being thrown around, and him asking me if I'm gay while I deny it because of the fear of what he'll do to me. I remember him beating me and throwing me out of the house at 12 years old just because I had looked at and saved NSFW onto my phone (none of it was gay), so I don't want to think of what else could happen if I told him about my gender identity, and sexuality. My mother would not do the same as my father, but it would still be pretty bad with her. I know they would disown me if they ever found out about who I truly am, and that would lead to them telling other members of my family (who are all religious as well), and then they turn their backs on me. There are only 2-3 other people in my entire family who happen to be gay, and everybody talks about them behind their backs saying incredibly disrespectful things. Please, I would really like some advice on this. Thank you to whoever took the time to read what I had to say
Welcome to EC. The choice of what to do is entirely up to you. If you want to keep these people in your life it is probably best if you do not share your gender or sexuality with them. My family was very judgemental, with extremist evangelical beliefs. I did keep trying to stay in touch with them but every time I lived as my true self they cut me off. I honestly wish that I had walked away from them all when I was in my 20s and never spoke with any of them again. As I said though what you do is up to you.
Cyburrr.....I am so sorry that your family is so unaccepting. In your post you didn't tell us if you are living at home or if you are independent. That would make a big difference. If you are still at home and are dependent on your parents, then at least for now, you should not come out to them...it just not safe for you to do so. However, if you are not dependent on your parents for support then it is a different situation. In that case you would be physically safe but would risk having your parents cut you off from contact with the rest of your family. If you are comfortable letting us know a little more about your situation then we could perhaps give you some better suggestions. For instance (other than are you dependent on your parents) do you live in a place where there might be a LGBTQ+ support center where you could find resources to help you? We look forward to hearing from you again and hope that we can help you through this difficult time. Remember that you are apart of our LGBTQ+ Family and we do care! Please keep us updated on how this works out! .....David
Thank you for caring this much David. And to answer your questions, I still do live with my family. If I had the budget to leave and live by myself, then I would've left long ago. I also live in the southern, and very conservative state of Fayetteville, North Carolina. As far as I know there are no lgbt support centers here, though I could be wrong about that.
Fayetteville is only 50 miles from Raleigh where there is a thriving LGBT+ community (I know someone who lives there and I was there in 2012 to help with the Amendment 1 campaign). It took until I was 22 to move out with more than one attempt prior to that. I know that it can be difficult and the current situation with the virus probably makes it even more so but it can be done. For your own mental health and safety you do need to work towards this.
While you are living at home you will need to keep this to yourself, but I noticed in your original post that you have 2-3 family members who are gay and largely disconnected from the wider family. Do you know where they are or how to contact them? Could they offer you support and a place to go to if things become really stressful at home? You would need to have a high level of confidence in them, but is it an option? In the meantime it's a good idea to focus on your future plans and see this as part of your personal journey. When we are stuck at home and unable to talk about our sexuality or gender identity it can feel stifling, which makes it all the more necessary to remain focused on doing our best with education and employment to ensure we have financial security and freedom to be who we want to be. All of this becomes a part of our journey towards coming out and living authentically. Keep visiting this forum and let us know how you are getting on, even if you just want a place to chit-chat with like minded people. It can act as a bit of a pressure valve while life is so stressful.
