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I can't tell if she has a crush on me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by poohbearxo, Mar 27, 2022.

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  1. poohbearxo

    poohbearxo
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    I met a girl at work a few years ago, and the moment I laid eyes on her, I was instantly attracted. I used to get so shy and nervous around her. She would make my heart beat so fast and I was too shy to talk to her. Anyway, we ended up having to work on the same project together, and we became friends. I started to open up to her about my sexuality and confusion, and she's also gay, but in a long-distance relationship.

    We hang out every couple of weeks, and I absolutely love our time together. For example, last week we made food together and laid on her bed and chatted for over 5 hours. She makes me laugh like no one else does, we have so many things in common, and our conversation topics are so diverse. She was telling me last week that she wants me to come round and get drunk and stop at hers for the night. I can't tell if she has feelings for me or not. The relationship she's in is long-distance, they see each other about once a month (she seems too busy with her friends and family and I get the impression she doesn't prioritise her relationship much). She was also saying they don't have sex regularly, and the girlfriend has a low libido, and I got the impression their relationship seems incredibly casual. Also, there is literally no sign of her relationship status on any social media, nor do they have pictures together etc despite being in a relationship for a few years. She also isn't very complimentary of her girlfriend, yet tells me in great detail about the other older women she wants to have sex with in the office. She also likes to talk about sex and was explaining about the best sex she's ever had (which wasn't with her girlfriend). She was also telling me about a few different positions and things she'd like to do in sex, and then said she couldn't ask her girlfriend about it because it'd be awkward and their relationship isn't like that. She asked me about my sexual past with females, and she spoke about the different porn she watches.

    I got the impression that she is quite sexual (has had lots of sexual partners before her relationship), and her girlfriend isn't like that, and apparently there's always a reason why her girlfriend isn't in the mood for sex. I just feel like with other friends I have, those topics don't really come up in conversation, and we have very in-depth conversations about future plans, adoption/having a baby, and when she mentions it, she never includes her girlfriend in her future plans. She also has a really distinct southern accent (we are from the north), and I've said to her before that I find that accent so attractive and she really likes when I ask her questions about her hometown and laugh at the different words she pronounces differently. She's asked me about my type before too and I've showed her pictures of celebrities and they look a lot like her.

    When we said goodbye we lingered a lot, and we hugged for a while. I touched her hand by accident after the hug and she seemed awkward in a way, and it's happened lots of times before when she passes me something our hands touch. I get a gut feeling that if we were drunk together maybe she'd make a pass on me or something, but I'm not so sure. I don't know if that's why she wants to have drinks and get drunk when we see each other next.

    I would really appreciate someone's opinion on this and some advice please? :slight_smile:
     
    #1 poohbearxo, Mar 27, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2022
  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Hi @poohbearxo

    Nobody here can tell you whether or not she likes you, and if she does like you, we can’t tell you what kind of encounter or relationship that she may be seeking from you. Only she can tell you those things.

    From what you’ve said, it may be possible that she does like you, but I couldn’t guess whether that would be in terms of seeking a relationship or possibly something more casual. I suppose my advice would be to think about what you want, so do you like her and if so, what kind of relationship would you like with her? And also, think about where your boundaries are, so for example, would you be prepared to do something intimate with her whilst she is still in a long term relationship?

    I’ll also add that she’s not coming across that well from what you’ve written. I appreciate that you probably like her, it’s new and exciting, and it’s easy to get swept away by that, which is understandable. But, do consider how she is behaving with you without her girlfriend knowing and also the way she is talking about her girlfriend. What does that tell you about her? Has she talked to her girlfriend about any of this, and if not, why not? Is she showing you who she really is through how she’s treating her current girlfriend? Of course, their relationship may be causal, as you say, but if it will make a difference to you, then perhaps you should find out sooner rather than later.
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Mar 27, 2022
    BiGemini87, Rayland and silverhalo like this.
  3. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    I totally agree with @LostInDaydreams it is tricky and a lot comes down to what you would/wouldn’t want to happen in the current situation. Of course it’s up to you but doing anything intimate with her whilst she is in a relationship isn’t usually advisable unless you know they have an open relationship.
    How would you feel about asking her?
     
    #3 silverhalo, Mar 27, 2022
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  4. BiGemini87

    BiGemini87
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    This is definitely a tricky situation. I concur with the input already given, about being careful with her and avoiding any potential entanglements between her and her girlfriend.

    I can certainly empathize with getting swept up in everything, but like has been said: tread carefully. What you've stated about her doesn't cast her in a favourable light, and I can't help wondering what her girlfriend's side of the story might be--or if she even would have the same story at all.

    I think, frightening as it might be, it would be worth having a serious discussion with her: you can be honest about how you feel about her, but also make it clear that you need clarity and honesty from her, as well. It's possible she doesn't have those types of feelings, but from what you've said, it sounds like she might. I wish I could give you a more definitive answer, because I know how difficult this can be.

    Or you could meet her for drinks, but if you do, be on your guard--and if she starts acting more amorous with you, I advise putting on the brakes and telling her exactly how you're feeling/what you're worried about.
     
    #4 BiGemini87, Apr 1, 2022
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