Over the last year or two I've been feeling more and more ready to start coming out to some people. I'm still scared to tell my parents, but I told my brothers as a little test run I guess. It was nerve wracking and pretty awkward, but they didn't really seem to care or have any questions. I just told them not to tell anyone and that I'd try to tell our parents before too long. I also have some old friends from high school that I wouldn't mind telling, but we don't see each other that often and I don't really know how to tell them without awkwardly bringing it up out of nowhere. This was kind of an uneventful post I suppose, but my brothers are the first people besides my partner that I have told and so it feels like a big step.
skloorpt.....Hey, it's a small step at a time, and that's okay! Some people are good with posting it on Facebook and "shouting it from the rooftop" but that's not the way it works for everybody. I am the one-at-a-time type of person. I came out first here on Empty Closets and it was a full year before I told someone face-to-face. That first person was really difficult, even though I'd been out here for a year. The next few that I told weren't much easier and I'm still not out to a lot of people...part of my family and some close friends. For me it's a very private thing and I don't see the need to broadcast it all over. So for you...you choose who, when and where you will tell. In reality...does everybody need to know? It's a question that you have to answer for yourself. It depends a lot on your family, your job, your community, your life style, etc. There is no one answer and everyone should have the right to make those decisions for themselves. The worst thing there is, is when someone "outs' another person and takes away their opportunity to make that choice for themself! I have operated on a kind of "need to know" policy. I live in a small town and am very well known here. It would be headline news if it were generally known that I am gay and so I am very careful about who I tell. If I lived in a larger community, it would probably be different. There are a lot of factors that come into play when you make the decision to tell or not to tell someone. I was a high school teacher for many years...that is why it could be an issue if it were generally know that I am gay. I did have what I consider to be a wonderful, unexpected coming out a few years ago that really did break my "rules". I ran into a former student who I had not seen in at least five years at a grocery store. I had always suspected that he was gay, but he never said anything about it. He was very well liked by other students is spite of being rather feminine. His outgoing personality more than made up for other attributes that hinted at him being gay. When we ran into each other we gave each other a big hug and started a conversation. For some unknown reason my mouth took over my end of the conversation, leaving my brain behind! Out of nowhere I said "What do you think of the LGBTQ Community?" At that point I am thinking " What on Earth am I doing?" He hesitated at the strange question and then replied; "I am part of it". Without hesitation my mouth (again without permission of my brain) said "Me too! I realized that I had just come out to him! His eyes got very large and he hugged me really hard and began to cry. Of course I also began to cry to at that point! We went over to the deli area of the store and spent the next hour sharing our experiences, both while he was in school and after he had graduated. This was after I had retired, so it was a little less dangerous than it would have been if he was a current student. Nonetheless, it certainly was not a situation where I had planned to come out to someone. However, it remains one of the most cherished moments of connection with a member of my LGBTQ Family as well as a reconnection in a very special way with a former student. Coming out can be very special or it can be a disaster, that's why it's important that you are the one who makes the decision. I am glad that your brothers were accepting and I do hope that when the time comes to tell you parents that it goes well for you! .....David
