Thanks everyone. I'm feeling slightly better today, although I'm still sort of in shock over the whole thing. It feels so sudden, and I'm concerned that I'm not "gay enough" to have ended things, if that makes sense. Like, what kind of lesbian falls in love with a man and still loves him after coming out to him? I even enjoyed sleeping with him most of the time. On the other hand, I'm more attracted to women, and outside of the relationship, have only had crushes on women. I even have a "type" of woman I'm most attracted to.... These are the thoughts floating around in my head today. At least, I've been able to function like a normal person and eat food other than frozen yogurt and rice krispy treats today. Progress.
Have you ever considered you might be bi? If you decided you aren't, what made you rule that out completely?
Good question. I probably am a little bit bi, but two things make me think I'm mostly gay: 1) Over the last 7 years, my bf is the only man I've been attracted to (once I thought a guy at a club was hot, but that's literally the only exception). Prior to that, I think I've only had one other crush on a man in my entire life (and he turned out to be gay). I've been attracted to women, on the other hand, since 7th grade, and for the past five months, I've been obsessed with beginning to date women. 2) The term bisexual just doesn't feel right to me. I say it aloud, or even specifically that I'm attracted to both men and women and it feels unnatural. Gay, however, feels ok (even if I'm not ready to shout it from the rooftops). PS. Thanks for asking, Sunandmoon. Responding to you gave me a bit more conviction in my decision.
Hello Daisy! I'm afriad I might be going through the exact same thing sometime in the near future with my girlfriend. Around a week ago I told her I was bi and since then I've been more anxious than ever to explore my attraction to guys. I don't know now if the problems on my side of the relationship are because I really want to be with guys, or if things just weren't working out. Its certainly a different situation, but I could relate to a lot of what youre going through. I've spent the last couple months terrified of leaving my best friend too. Essentially, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate youre sharing this experience. I hope you'll keep letting us know how things are going, if thats not too much to ask. I wish the best for you (*hug*)
Miss him lots. Hate not having him in my life. Trying to figure out if there's some sort of middle ground. Any ideas?
I don't think there is as far as dating, but after you've both had time to heal, staying friends is absolutely possible. But you both need time to heal, and to get used to not having the other person all the time. Unless you think you want to get back together, which I wouldn't recommend, seeing him too much now will cause more pain and could lead to making a bad decision with him. It will get better, and hopefully it won't be long before you'll be able to see each other as really good friends without causing hurt.
Thanks, FG. I'm seeing him for the first time since the breakup this afternoon. We're going to the movies and I have dinner plans, so I won't be able to persuade myself that it's ok to spend the night with him. I'm nervous and worried that it will be very emotional and hard.
Thanks, SilverHalo. Seeing him was hard, and afterwards we agreed that we should take some time apart. I think this is an important step if we want to be able to be friends long-term.
I think it is probably the best thing for both of you, you are both hurting for similar reasons and because you both still love each other and have been together so long you both want to rush back to the other for support and comfort, but I think this will only confuse the matter.
This is fascinating to me. I am in a six year relationship with my boyfriend, he knows I am at least bi and that I want to explore being with women (though we have no idea how that works, what with us being together). I dont think I'm 100% gay but I do fear that if I explore my gay side I will want to leave him. And, like you, he is my best friend and the thoughts of leaving/hurting him are unbearable. Your story gives me hope. I hope you can get through it. Let me know how dating women (presumably for the first time?) goes...!
^^^ This describes my life. :tears: I don't really have much advice, and it's all been said already anyway. But, I do have hugs and support. (*hug*) Hang in there, Daisy. .
You too? I am pretty decided on my plan of action. December is a bad month to do anything but in the new year I think I will find a way to be with a woman, see how that feels and what it looks like in my life. I want to do this, without breaking up with him. I know I am asking a lot. I know it is unreasonable. BUT, I know marrying him and having babies without being sure of this side of myself is just making my future a lot harder (like if in 20 year after x many kids, these feelings resurface and I leave him then for a woman!). I mean, logistically, I am most concerned. How do I even get with a woman, without anyone knowing? It all feels so sneaky and devious even though there is a certain amount of permission. And I cant stop dreaming about sex with women and I am afraid I'll talk in my sleep - haha. He's really understanding but... still.
One of my best male friends was in the opposite end of what you went through. They'd been dating for a long time too. They are good friends now, just took a while to get over the initial breakup.
Yeah your coming out story hit home I been going through 4 months. I did not put up a coming out story because I am not ready to shout it.
