Hello everyone my name is Chris and I recently came out a few months ago. I am a 54 year old bisexual man who denied my orientation to myself and hid it since I was 15. It was 1982 when I first realized I was attracted to other boys yet I also knew that I had much stronger feelings for girls back then. It was incredibly confusing. I was Catholic attending a Catholic high school, I even was planning to be a priest. But the whole world was so homophobic and violence towards people who weren’t straight. I was so confused I didn’t even know I wasn’t straight. It was eight more years before I learned about bisexuality and I was really happy to finally discover that there were others like me and we had a name. But the joy was short lived. By then I had already entered the seminary and I knew if I wanted to survive I could never tell a living soul how I felt. I buried it so well that eventually I really believed I was straight. I left the seminary after 4 years (thank God) but by then the damage was done and the poison of fear that drove this lie became too powerful. Eventually it robbed me of the ability to maintain close relationships and I suffered both physical and psychologically maladies. To the point that it crippled me and almost took my life...on several occasions. I had a complete nervous breakdown almost three years ago and I didn’t consciously know that the denial of my sexuality was driving this madness. But by some grace I decided to at least admit to myself that I was bisexual...but my mind I told myself that I had to say the words out loud. So I did. And just like that...like snapping your fingers...all the pain, fear, weight and anxiety lifted from me. I stood up and was able to move about in ways I hadn’t been able to for many years. 39 years is a lot to unpack. I’m married with a preteen at home. I came out to my wife a few weeks after I did with myself. Our marriage had already been in trouble and I honestly don’t know what the future will hold. For now though I know I need supportive friends more than anything.
Hi, and welcome. Your situation is far from unique and I think you'll find many others here who have been through similar experiences. Some have remained in their marriages, others have ended their marriages; I don't think there's one best answer that fits everyone. If you haven't already, take a look through the threads in the 'later in life' section, as there are a lot of discussions about these sorts of issues in there.
Hello Chris and welcome! I am so glad you came to this forum because you’ll realise you’re not alone. I am so sorry to read how deeply affected you were and how it drove you to such despair. In fact it’s heart breaking to read. But I am so glad that you finally were able to accept yourself and have been brave enough to come out to your wife. It takes great strength to do this. I am 51 and at 38 I was in the process of a mental breakdown and I had to come out to my husband. I was a total mess. Luckily he supported me. I then told my son and the rest of my family and friends. I had a sexuality issue but I was also very confused about my gender as well. I, too had squashed down feelings since I was much younger. Lack of information and support back then made me feel like a freak and not normal. But eventually it all came to a head because as you know, you can’t squash it down and keep quiet for ever. Anyway, I’m happy to be your friend. You will make other friends here too. Understanding, likeminded friends. Good luck with the rest of your journey.
Chris.....Hello and a great big LGBTQ+ welcome to Empty Closets! There are a number of sub-forums here on EC...why don't you check them out and then feel free to join in the conversations! I knew I was different by the time I was in Junior high school, but I kept it hidden. I didn't really know how I was different but I knew that I had to keep it hidden. When I went to college I met a group of guys in the drama dept. and I soon discovered how I was different! I was very close with one boy named Tim but He passed away suddenly just before we graduated. The trauma was so bad that I turned my back on my sexuality for the next 43 years. In 2014 I finally accepted myself as gay here on Empty Closets. My life since then has been so much better! EC has been a real lifesaver for me and I hope it will be a big help for you too! We will do our best to be a support and a place to vent when you need it! We are so glad that you have found us here on EC!. ....David
Hi Chris! It’s so lovely to have you here. I’m sure you’ll find so many people with similar experiences to you. I know the feeling of the anxiety and weight being lifted from you, it amazing. This is the best place for advice! We’re glad you found us. Sending lots of love! Amz...
