I just don't get it. I'll have days where I feel like the most manly man to ever man and I think I'm definitely trans and come out to myself for the thirteenth time (AFAB btw). I'll have days where I think I'm just faking it, return to my eggshell, but I wear my binder anyways just because I want to. I'll have days where I don't think of my gender at all, and when I try, I simply cannot. It's very confusing. I've done things like tier-listing the pride flags in relation to how much they describe me, and I am able to articulate how I feel my gender identity is, and I really do it's true. But why? Why does it make sense sometimes and not the other times? Also, could I be cis if I can write out in words all of the micro-labels of trans that I identify with? I'm still questioning my gender. Being trans or being cis are both fine options, but I would like it if I could just PICK ONE. That sounds so binary; my apologies. I use he/him pronouns openly with only one group of my life: my string ensemble. And so every week when I go to practice, everyone uses those pronouns for me, and it feels really good. But the prospect of coming out to everyone and living my life as a trans guy (or demiboy or genderfluid person or bigender- I'm working on labels) is kind of scary, and I can't tell if that's just because of transphobia, my fear of change, or if I'm just cis. I feel like if I come out as this or that, I can't take it back. Honestly, I don't think I'd want to take it back, it's just such a big step. I'm switching from private to public school next year, and I want to register as my correct gender, whatever that may be. If it helps; I've been questioning my gender for about three months now. In retrospect, I've been trying to be more like a boy for much longer than that, but who knows, maybe that's just internalized misogyny. I'm going to attach a poll to this for the hell of it. This was mostly just a vent, but advice is welcome, if you can formulate any out of my adolescent raving. Thanks for reading ^-^
Obviously I can't decide for you but it sounds like a lot of your doubts come from overthinking, anxiety and 'what if's rather than actually liking being seen as your agab or being called she/her pronouns. I tend to find separating anxious thoughts from objective experience can help me so hopefully that might help you figure yourself out?
You don't need to come out all in one go. You can take it as slow (or as fast) as you want. Coming out is scary, especially at your age. As a teenager you haven't yet developed what I call the 'psychic defences', the protective psychological armour that adults have. So make it easy on yourself. You're only three months in so feel your way around your gender. Let your levels of dysphoria and euphoria be a guide to how fast you want to go. Good luck! Beth x
Hi dude, kind of in the same as yours. I am unsure of coming out too. Male or female, tbh I just want to choose one. I don’t know what people will think of me. It’s partially because I still feel I can live my whole life as female, so I don’t know whether it’s me overthinking or me being afraid of change.
