ive always dreamed of coming out and it going well. I know it wont though. I want my family to be close after i move out but what if i get a girlfriend? I wont be able to have those relationships with my parents. My dads VERY homophobic and transphobic. But my moms iffy, she says she wants to know things but starts a scream fest every time. Everytime she found out i was gay it was a big thing and i had to deny deny deny. Im getting closer to my mom since those times but we never had a mother daughter relationship and we probablly never will. I want to tell her im bi but im so scared. Its now or never because what if i want a girlfriend without constant hiding and fear like usual. Should i just stay in hiding forever?
DO NOT stay in hiding forever. I did that for 56 years until I finally worked up the nerve to share who I truly am with my wife and family. Finally doing so lifted a burden from my soul. The timing may not be right for you now. You may be dependent upon your family for financial support. There will, however, be a time when you are free to live your best life. Life is there to enjoy. Do what you need to enjoy yours. Good luck and remember we are here for you.
Don't keep it in like I have. My father was like yours, ultra homophobic. I loved my dad dearly and miss him (he passed away a couple of decades ago) but he was extremely nasty to anyone who wasn't straight. My mom is not accepting either, due to her religious beliefs and how she thinks her children should be and act. She has always had odd ideas about me being the typical 1950s housewife (even though I was born much after that time), and if I do not fit into any of her ideals, she thinks she "failed" as a mother. This is after I've proven to her time and time again that I'm never going to be "that" girly girl she wanted, and how I decided I wanted to be more than a wife and a mother (I'm self employed in the arts so to speak). She has accepted I march to the beat of my own drummer, but I know this will be the thing that gets me disowned. Mom almost fainted when she found out I had not one but two tattoos. So she'll disown me for sure if she finds out my sexuality - bisexual. Take it from someone who has stayed in hiding for her entire life - it can and will take a huge toll on your psyche. Come out in your own time, but please, for your sake, do not repress it or pretend you are anything but your true self.
Adreana.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! Some important factors in deciding when to come out are: *****Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you. *****Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. You are 13 years old...there is a long time until you are an adult. Even though waiting might be really difficult, living in a house where there is constant conflict because you came out and your parents did not accept it could easily be much worse. You have to make that decision and in many cases waiting for a while until you will be taken more seriously is a much better choice. I'm not saying that you have to wait, I just think that you should give it serious consideration. A lot depends on how you think your parents will handle your revelation. *****Being out in middle school/high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can still be a problem. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out. *****You might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your parents. A big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can sometimes be difficult. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality, perhaps for years…giving them at least some time to think about it too only seems fair! There are some great sample coming out letters here on Empty Closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! You can then use the letter as a "script" for when you do come out face-to-face. Check out the letters (see below)...they could be a real help! *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your parents and/or friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're Bi?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal depending upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or six probable questions with the answers already planned, you will likely be perceived as a more mature, serious person. *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you! .....David
