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How Do You Know if You're Trans (confused??)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by warrior452, Jul 14, 2017.

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  1. warrior452

    warrior452
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2016
    Messages:
    89
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    Location:
    Fort Plain
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So, I know who I am attracted to sexually, but lately I have been thinking a lot about gender and stuff, and trying to figure out where I fit (I'm not super into labels, but I do want to figure everything out).

    My family has always denounced anything and everything other than heteronormative, hypermasculinity as wrong for someone born male at birth. "Tr***ys" are disgusting. And on and on...

    I identify a lot with traditional female roles - im very protective and I enjoy being a nurterer and care giver. I would love to be a stay at home mom.I have always been attracted to and appreciated and wanted the exterior side of femininity. I love beauty and glamour and women's clothes and makeup. I think, if given the opportunity, I might wear women's clothes in public. I just have a lot of internalized stuff that I have to get over, but if I did, I'd wear a lot of women's wear (I need me some nice heels, gurl. :slight_smile: I also like my boy body. I don't have the sense of detachment that my trans friends talk about, or feeling like you are trapped in the wrong body. I also like wearing men's clothes and presenting as a guy. I have felt "not right" though - like, a "you're doing it wrong" moment on loop. There have been days that I have hated my body - I have always felt ugly, a little uncomfortable and a little out of place in my own skin. I never felt, growing up, and still today, that I was masculine enough. I never felt like I measured up to the social expectations of a conservative family from the Bible belt. Even from an early age, any femininity was squashed out of me, and I was berated constantly for not being masculine enough. I think that through the years, not being able to express the more feminine side of myself has been unhealthy, and I'm finding that even more and more now.

    I have never dressed femininely in public at all, but I do have some earrings that I'm going to start wearing, and I did my full face in makeup the other day, and I really loved it. I liked feeling pretty (although Im pretty sure I make an ugly woman :slight_smile:

    I don't know if I'm just a femme gay guy who likes makeup, or if I'm like androgenous or gender-fluid, or if I'm trans.

    I hope I haven't asked anything that's offensive or anything - not intended, I'm just free-balling. I don't want to minimize or trivialize any trans persons experience by reducing it to the externals. These are just some of the things that came to the top of my head. I just kinda want some clarity. I've been leaning towards the gender-fluid side, but I've also thought some days that I might be trans. Idk.

    Any help?
     
    #1 warrior452, Jul 14, 2017
  2. RubyRedRose

    RubyRedRose
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2017
    Messages:
    4
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    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm not sure whether you'd be gender-fluid or just non-conforming, but every trans person I've been friends with has had some level of dysphoria (AKA hating either the male of female parts of themselves that they were transitioning away from). Sure, things like being interested in make up and acting more feminine in general usually come with the territory, but unless the source of it all is related to dysphoria, I can't wrap my head around someone being trans.

    The question that helped me a lot when I wasn't sure of transitioning went something like this - If you could be female right now without any strings attached, would you do it?

    If the answer is yes, you're probably trans after all.
    if no, then you're probably just a gay guy with a feminine side
    And if, ideally, you could switch between male and female as often as you wanted, would you want that? Obviously if that's the case you're gender-fluid.

    Disclaimer - this is all just from my experience, so you'll probably want a second or third opinion at least on something life changing like possibly transitioning, best of luck finding yourself! :slight_smile:
     
    #2 RubyRedRose, Jul 15, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2017
  3. Mihael

    Mihael
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2015
    Messages:
    3,062
    Likes Received:
    708
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The line is not always this clear. It depends what you mean by "trans". You identify with femininity, right? Not every trans person wants to transition or experiences dysphoria, as in... feeling like a male or a female. There is some kind of basic feel underneath everything, but how you identify in public and how you present and what you do about your body is definitely down to your comfort.
     
    #3 Mihael, Jul 15, 2017
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