How do you deal with a homophobic best friend?

I know you already refused this idea in your post, but my initial reaction here was that an lgbt person with a "homophobic best friend" seems like a contradiction. Like someone who's found "the perfect man/woman" - except that this person doesn't like them back.

I would say a couple things here. First of all, your friend doesn't know that you prefer women yet, so I would take her response to the wedding question with a grain of salt. It's very possible that she means it, and would follow through on it - but that's also not happening tomorrow, and who knows? Things, and people, can change, especially when they realize they have a reason to.

Also, if she's the main obstacle to coming out and this point, and you know you're ready for it otherwise, then it might be worth it to think seriously about talking to her some time in the near future. If you stay in the closet for this person, you're going to feel resentful about it eventually, and I'm sure you don't want that.

You've already kind of suggested that she's not homophobic because of being Catholic (since you know several other Catholics who are not). Why do you think she feels this way? Lack of exposure to gay people? Taught by family? Misconceptions about what gay people are like? Maybe rather than having a theological debate, you could approach the issue from another direction. Maybe she's not pro gay marriage at this point - how does she feel about gay teenagers getting bullied? There could be some other common ground to be found here.

 

Before telling my best friend about me.. he was the biggest homophobic... he'd always mock, beat up and embarass some one who is gay... but this guy is like my brother.. (im an only child so) our rents would treat us the same.. if one got in trouble well the other would get it too... we were inseperable (sorry spelling aint my thing) when his old man passed i was there and vice versa...

so when i realized that i bat for the same side i was really down... and had no one to talk too.... and it went like this for years...one day we got drunk and i said to him what would you do if i turned out gay and he laughed and said that he'll call me a f%* and will cut me off... which made pretty much turned my world upside down...

long story short.... i love this guy like a brother and so i told his gf... who egged me on and so one day.. he and i went fishing with some of our other mates and when i finally had the chance to speak to him alone... i just blurted it out to him and nothing has changed from that day... we're still the best of pals from when we were younger...
and to this day he, and his GF who gave me the extra push are the only one's who know that im gay and they keep asking if im going to find a dude and if so, my best mate wants to interview him lol...

Sometimes people say stuff that hurts when you give them alternatives. but when you tell them straight up they will shock you... i was afraid i was going to loose my "bro" and he wants to be my best man if i ever get hitched... and im going to be his best man in December this year...

Good Luck and Keep your Head Held High ... a dogs bark is worser than his bite

 

Hi! Well, I understand your situation...My bestfriend is (well now I don't really know..here's why) homophobic.. she never said it directly but she has always done some kind of jokes and coments..I even remember her reaction when we knew that a friend of our (not too close that time) was lesbian..
Anyway...last week I came out to her...by a letter (email actually) because she was angry with me because she thought that I didn't want to be with her, that I replaced her with some new friends...I think that the fact that I was planning to tell her about my sexuality was really afecting my relationship with her..(those days I was so confused..and had many things in my head because of it and other stuff)
The thing is that I told her that I wanted her to know that I also like woman...but it's been the toughest thing that I've ever done; I didn't wanted to lose her

The day after she responded...in sum she said that know she has like a... "dilemma" because I was the most important person to her..that she won't stop being my friend and talking to me but that she couldn't even say that "every thing is Ok"...nevertheless she added that maybe it was time to reconsider what she thinks about people like us..which would be nice

However, things aren't the same as before...we don't talk aaall the time as before..but I thing it's only a matter of time for her to get used to the idea..

I just want to say...good luck :icon_wink and don't be afraid...

 

honestly, i wouldn't be able to surround myself with homophobic people. sometimes, people's opinions change once they know someone that they're close to is gay. the only thing i would say to do is to come out to her. if she accepts you, great! if not, then she's not really someone you need in your life, now is it?

i had a friend in high school that showed many signs of being homophobic. she was a redneck, country-loving, pick-up-truck-driving, cowboy-boots-wearing, jesus-loving girl. one time, we were talking about a persuasive essay i had to write on same-sex marriage (i think this was 2009, before many other states had legalized). she told me that she hates gays and continued to talk about the only out kid in our school. given, he was a stereotypical flamboyant diva/drama queen and most people didn't like him just because he was a little bitch. i never came out to her and just stayed off of the topic of homosexuality around her. once i went to college, i changed my facebook to say "interested in: women" and listed my relationship status with my girlfriend. she texted me about a week later, just a "hey, how's school?" and we kept talking and she said that she didn't know i was gay but she was really happy that i found a girlfriend. i saw her at christmas at my best friend's house and she asked when she's going to meet my girlfriend. my best friend threw a valentine's party and i brought my girlfriend with (she's also very close to my best friend and was invited). as far as i could tell, they liked each other. when she asked me why i never came out to her, i told her that i was scared to because of the things she said about the flamboyant kid. she looked at me and said, "i didn't really mean that i hate all gays. i dislike the ones that suddenly change to embrace the stereotypes and [that kid] just for who he is as a person" to which i agreed.

tl;dr: you never know with some people. they may change their minds with time, they may when they find out you're gay. they might not have realized what they said.