How do I force myself to do what I must?

Yup, you've got no choice. I know how you must be feeling - leaving home, for any young person even at the best of times, is a hard thing to do. But what's the alternative? To stay there forever? No.

This is the beginning of an exciting new chapter in your life! Think of all the interesting people, the fascinating twists and turns your life will take! You have a beautiful empty first page in front of you. Of course, I'm not underestimating the pain of leaving your family. But you know if your heart of hearts that have to do this. They have left you no alternative.

Courage, dear Jack. You've made it this far and survived when others would have gone under. You can do this!

Big hugs,
Beth xx

 

Right now I wouldn't focus on trying to live. Turn everything off and just focus on surviving. Once you're settled in your new place away from your family, then process your feelings at your own pace, and live the life you want. My experiences are very different from yours but I also grew up in an abusive environment. My mother divorced my abusive dad and it was a nasty one. Many of the extended family members on that side of the family were also exceptionally nasty. I felt as lost and down trodden as my mother and sister. However, I knew our survival was at stake and I couldn't afford to back down. I dropped everything in my life to step up and protect my mother and sister and encourage them to steal their resolve. I turned off all my emotions and fought to survive. We crossed all our T's and I's through the divorce as a team and came out the other end with flying colors. Once we got settled in our new home, we started the long process of healing and it took a few years to get to a good place.

You may be lost now, but once you're settled, you can find your new self. I know it hurts and that feeling will never go away, but take solace in trying everything you could to reach out to your family. If they don't respect you or listen then it's on them. You did what you could.

 

Others have already wrote excellent replies, I'll just add my two euro cents.

Really, could the scenario you described possibly hurt worse than what you've been enduring these years? Pain is pretty much inevitable, it's just how life is, but think about the possibilities ahead, the chance to finally be yourself, a shot at living your best life - none of which will be possible unless you make this move.

Get out of there ASAP, take the time to heal and live on your own terms.

Best of luck to you!

 

The way I think about these things: The future won't be perfect, but at least now you're totally in the driver's seat, and any setbacks or pain you endure is because it's important to you. There may be some suffering at times, but it's better than meaningless suffering. You may struggle and feel upset, but it's because you're trying to make things better, not worse.

A lot of times family doesn't want better, because change is hard and often painful too, they just want more of the same. Which I think is often times more painful in the long run.

Wishing you the best, Jack.