Right now I feel very bad about my body, how it looks and my current identity. However, I know I don’t have the courage yet to open up to anyone about my gender identity issues. Despite it being my most close guarded secret it’s the one I think about the most. Does anyone have any advice to cope/ relieve these issues I have? I’m not looking for perfect solutions, just ways to feel better about myself in my mind.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but it's great that you're reaching out for support. You are not alone in this. My dysphoria gets so bad at times that I don't know what to do with myself. Times like these I try to engage in activities that I like. For example listening my favourite songs or distracting myself in other ways and sometimes those other ways aren't the most healthiest, like stuffing myself with ice cream, but hey if it helps to make myself feel a little better, then it's okay. I also wear hoodies a lot to hide my body. I try to take my mind away from it all. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Remember that it's okay to have these feelings and that they don't define your worth as a person. Journaling might be a good idea as well. You can write out your thoughts or even draw them and it's like a form of art therapy, while not having corage to talk to others about your feelings.
Thank you for the tips <3 So to summarise: 1. Distract myself, especially things which make me think a lot. 2. Journal feelings (which I already do) 3. Try to hide my body from myself/ others (eg wear hoodies, avoid mirrors, etc)
Sorry I need to make it a little bit clearer. I can't sleep, if I keep thinking about your summary there. 1. It's good to distract your mind from the things, that make you see your bad sides. 2. I wear hoodies to hide my curves, because it gives me dysphoria. It's important to wear what makes you most comfortable and happier in your body. 3. You don't have to avoid mirrors. I do it, because I only see negative stuff about myself, but you can use mirrors to enhance your positive sides, like practicing different expressions and search for things in yourself, that make you feel good. You can tell yourself positive affirmations.
Hey Danielle, after I came out to myself in 2020 I let the revelation 'settle' in my head for a few weeks. Just to make sure that I wasn't dreaming or fooling myself, I guess. (Also this was mid-lockdown so it was hard to meet anyone in real life anyway.) What I did was phone helplines. Are we allowed to plug any UK ones on here..? Anyway, have a Google or look around the Internet. I found them invaluable. It was wonderful to talk to other LGTBQ people who had gone through the same things as me. I always felt better after a conversation with them. By the way, thank you so much for your message. I can't reply - because you're not a full member yet I don't think I'm allowed to write a reply on your profile. But yes, do keep me updated on your progress with therapy! I'm so pleased you've managed to access it and really hope it proves to be positive for you. Hugs, Beth x
Hi Beth! The problem with phoning lgbt+ helplines is a feel very nervous talking to them. I prefer things like this forum as I can think and articulate my thoughts considerably better. Also with the full member thing, I still need like 17 more messages and need to wait another week so I guess we can talk more then <3
You're welcome. Sorry for the confusion. You should be able now talk on your profile though. You only need 10 messages to be able to do that and you have more than 10 already.
We do have list of helplines here: https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/suicidal-ideation.491220/ If you have anymore to add, then you can add it here in this thread. I can also add them there.
Update (for anyone who for some reason cares about me): My feelings have only gotten worse. The constant debate inside my head about my gender identity is destroying me. I can’t stop thinking about it, even during times where I shouldn’t (such as talking to others or walking). I tried the tips and have looked around the internet for ways to emotionally cope. Nothing really helped. The only reliable way to control my feelings has been cutting myself. Previously, I wouldn’t do it too often but I’m starting to do it 4+ times a day. I don’t know how to stop, it’s the only way to feel good about myself
I’m sorry to hear you are going trough this. Self-harm is a negative coping mechanism, a way to release the emotional pain and to feel in control, but you know that much better than I do… And you probably know the usual advice that’s said in such situations, about going to your GP or calling a helpline, which is actually a pretty good idea but only you can decide how to go about it. Please, I want to ask you to do this one thing, just when you get the urge to cut, before you take your implement of choice, please, if you can, hold up for a bit and write down the reason you’re going to cut yourself, whatever it is at the moment, from the top of your head, in as many or few words as you feel right… And then do with that piece of paper how what you will, burn it, throw it out, tear it apart or keep it, that’s all up to you… This won’t take much time, but you might notice something.
Hugs. I'm sorry. You can always vent here and we will try our best to give you advice, but sometimes only talking to a professional can help. You are not alone.If you wish you can try to write it all down about your thoughts here and I will do my best to guide you. At times my dysphoria got so bad, that I resulted taking pain medication in hopes it helps, but it don't. Hurting yourself is only temporary solution. After discovering being transgender I got a lot of intrusive thoughts and I was at a very dark place. I was at the point where I had to see someone and I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist. I got medication for anxiety and depression and it really did help.
Danielle, please don't. Just don't. I'd imagine your emotions are a bit all over the place at the moment, right? You've recently accepted yourself as trans, which is a life-changing moment, and your dysphoria is probably going off the scale (mine did in the early weeks after my revelation). So how to guide the ship back into calmer waters? Concentrate on the little things that bring you pleasure. What are your hobbies? Your favourite shows on TV? You mentioned running - that's a very good way to distract yourself, tire yourself out and get your endorphins going. Phone the helplines I mentioned. Think of the fun times that lie ahead of you when you go to uni, which should be...very soon, shouldn't it? Remember that all this is par for the course. After a life-changing revelation like this of course it's the only thing you can think of! But things will settle down eventually. I promise. Remember also that feeling good about yourself may take some time! Becoming Danielle, a thriving young trans woman at ease with herself and her place in the world, is going to be a long term project. There are no quick fixes. But you will have support - from us here on EC for starters.. Anyway, hope that things settle down. It's ok to be afraid and uncertain and a bit all over the place, but please don't hurt yourself. Hugs, Beth x
I’ll definitely try this method but I suspect it might not work. Waiting 5-10 minutes doesn’t make the thoughts go away. I don’t know if writing something down and tearing it up will have the same relief as cutting (but I guess I’ll see)
It could be depression causing this (but I don’t really know…). I understand it’s only a temporary solution but it feels like the only solution. I could explain thoroughly everything going on in my head but a decent amount has already been said on my other posts but if you like I can tell everything on your profile posts (I’ll warn you there will probably be a lot of messages)
Hey, if it helps then it don't matter how long it will be. I also have kind of a bad memory thanks to my adhd, so having a recap wont hurt.
I’ll try my hobbies again but I’m getting burnt out on a few of them. Unfortunately I can’t go running everyday at every hour. I need to give my legs a rest. But what I will say is last time I did go running I started daydreaming about my future in 7 years and it made me very happy. I imagined myself as a fully transitioned post-op woman , where I lived with girlfriend in a romantic relationship and played on a woman’s football team on the side of my real job. Obviously a lot of that is very naive thinking, but It made me feel fantastic. Running might be an occasional solution but it’s one that works nearly every time.
You can also send me a PM. You don't have to be a full member to be able to do that, since I'm a mod.
That's not naive thinking, Danielle. That's planning. Daydreaming is one of the most misunderstood aspects of human life. It's dismissed when it should be celebrated. For me, it's a creative act. Before you can do anything, you must think first. So daydreaming about the life you want for yourself is the first step towards obtaining it. And it's especially important for us trans folk, for we spend so much of our lives as works-in-progress, on our respective routes towards becoming whatever and whoever we desire to be. Beth x
