How do i come out to my religous mother

Josue…..I usually catch people when they make their first post in the "Welcome Lounge" but I missed you there, so I'll catch back up to you here!

…..Hello and a big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent! ) when that becomes necessary! This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community.

*****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out, join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBTQ folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives.

Some info on how to navigate EC:
When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum:

*****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.

*****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message.

…..David

 

Josue.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! Some important factors in deciding when to come out are:

*****Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you.

*****Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. You are 15 years old...there is a long time until you are an adult. Even though waiting might be really difficult, living in a house where there is constant conflict because you came out and your mom/parents did not accept it could easily be much worse. You have to make that decision and in many cases waiting for a while until you will be taken more seriously is a much better choice. I'm not saying that you have to wait, I just think that you should give it serious consideration. A lot depends on how you think your mother will handle your revelation.

*****Being out in middle school/high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can still be a problem. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out.

*****You might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your parents. A big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can sometimes be difficult. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality, perhaps for years…giving them at least some time to think about it too only seems fair! There are some great sample coming out letters here on Empty Closets that could be a big help to you. You can edit the letter(s) to fit your situation. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! You can then use the letter as a "script" for when you do come out face-to-face. You may want to avoid anything very personal as there is the possibility that the letter may end up being seen by others. Others seeing the letter could be a good thing, but keeping very personal things out is wise! Check out the letters (see below)...they could be a real help!

*****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your parents and/or friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're gay?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal depending upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or six probable questions with the answers already planned, you will likely be perceived as a more mature, serious person.

*****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php

*****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!

.....David

 

Josue.....I am a staff member here on Empty Closets. I was also a high school teacher for over 40 years. I was around teenagers in the school setting for a very long time. At that time I had not accepted that I am gay, towards the end of my career, I had accepted it, but was still hiding it from everyone. In the middle of all of that I had several out-gay students in my classes. For some it wasn't too bad and for others it wasn't too good. It's not good hiding who you are, believe me I really, really know that! But sometimes, in order to be safe, you have to. I hope that you won't have to hide...I mean that...I really do hope that you won't have to hide. However, your safety is what is most important. So do a good job of looking at the situation around you before you come out. 1) Is there any kind of LGBTQ Support organization in your school? You say your from Enid and if that's Enid, Oklahoma then the odds aren't good. Oklahoma is a very conservative state and I kinda doubt that most schools would allow a gay-straight alliance type group in their school. Most of my family is from Oklahoma and I know how difficult the schools there can be...although of course it can be tough anywhere! 2) Is there any kind of LGBTQ Organization in the town that you can get help from if you need it? 3) It sounds like you think your dad might be ok with you being gay...or did I misunderstand that? If he might be, you could consider coming out to him first, if you think he would keep your secret from your mom...at least for a while. You have to remember that some husbands won't keep secrets like that from their wives...so think about that. 4) Stay in touch with us here on Empty Closets. We will always be here for you. We will do our best to answer your questions and to help in any way that we can! I am going to repeat what I said in the above post, because it's true...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!
.....David