I thought I was a fluid bisexual. That was an inappropriate label for me. When I thought I was sexually attracted to my sister and cat I though something was wrong with me. Until I found out about HOCD. I've been labelled with more serious things than OCD and I already knew I was obsessive, so it wasn't a big deal.
>Do they do it to be validated? DING DING DING you're absolutely correct. They usually go on gay forums so gay people can tell them they have OCD. This will bring their anxiety down, and they will feel like themselves. Then the thoughts come back and they need more reassurance. Ironically telling them they're in denial helps them in the long run, since you need to face your fears with OCD to beat it.
My issue with the HOCD threads (and I think some posters above have touched on this) is that some of them very possibly grew up in a homophobic culture that makes them afraid they are gay and afraid of being found out, because of the ostracism they'd face. But the problem is that many of them have internalized some hurtful stereotypes, talk in detail about when they get hard and when they don't, and it can get really offensive and often inappropriate (some people on here are as young as 13, and though I'm sure they've heard worse, it makes the forum into a less than inclusive environment). Supporting peoples' emotional anguish is within the scope of this forum; putting up with blatantly homophobic remarks is not. It's not our job to inform the misinformed. On the other hand, the worst part of all this is how many OCD people who think they are gay have simply internalized negative messages from their social circles. My heart goes out to them, and if they are open to letting this forum help them change their perception of being LGBT as an inherently pathological thing, then I think they're welcome.
I agree that HOCD threads can be a bit graphic, but I see plenty of threads that are more graphic. Maybe HOCD is internalized homophobia, but I think it's mostly obsessive thinking. most HOCD sufferers aren't actually homophobic. A lot of OCD thoughts contradict people's values. That's what makes it hard for people. My version of HOCD makes me scared of being bi or asexual. Does that mean I have internalized ace and biphobia?
HOCD is technically a legitimate diagnosis. The "H" is simply added on (by people with OCD) to to show the nature of their obsession. I agree with you, OP. To me, it seems that there is a general undertone of hostility towards anyone who suggests that they have HOCD. If I were you, I would seek advice (concerning the OCD) from OCD forums or any other forum that isn't an lgbt one.
I respond in a lot of the HOCD threads because there tends to be a lot of confusion about it. People treat it as separate from OCD (it's not) and some people use it as a vehicle to maintain denial about being gay (pretty common.) I've seen very, very little instances of hostility toward HOCD people. The threads do tend to "tell it like it is" and separate out the hype from the reality, and encourage people to dump the HOCD label, since the condition doesn't exist as a standalone disorder. But that's different from hostility. OCD does seem to be on the increase, and given that it appears to originate from the same class of early childhood neurotransmitter pathway failures that affect a number of other issues that are also on the rise (ADHD, addiction), it makes sense that we'd be seeing more of it. I do think there's an effort on the part of most of the posters here to encourage people to not self-diagnose. That's a huge problem that can really affect people negatively... but some people do seem awfully quick to self-diagnose and label themselves with some permanent, unchangable characteristic (asexuality, OCD, Aspergers are ones we seem to see a lot here) rather than first ruling out the more likely and more easily solvable problems. On the whole, I think most of the discussions stay pretty compassionate and empathic.
Chip you're one of the reasons I wrote this thread. I saw your posts on HOCD threads telling them they don't have it and it's just a form of denial.
To be honest I'm not trying to convince myself I'm not gay, it's more the opposite. I can't get rid of the thought that any doubts I've ever had about being straight (most of which were passing thoughts) are just my brain doing its weird brain thing. Which could be true, I'm sure, even if I don't have OCD due to sexuality. I'm not sure if I can identify "mental rituals" or not. My brain is kind of hard to figure out. All I know is that I keep telling myself how incredibly stupid it is for me to doubt my sexuality all this time based on nothing. I can't stop thinking about it and it's really scaring me. (Which probably means I shouldn't be on this board, but I don't have a lot of self-control... Actually when I come to think of it being on this board is a way I try to convince myself I'm not straight, but that's not exactly a ritual.) I'm sorry for taking the thread off the real topic. I didn't mean to do that but... yeah I have a lot of trouble not talking about this.
Well first, it's unlikely I'm actually telling anyone anything because nobody can make any sort of conclusive assessment about much of anything based on a couple of internet posts. That said, each poster's situation is different. For some people, based on what they describe, it's pretty clear that they likely do have same-sex attraction, but they're in intense denial about it. For those people, they likely don't have OCD. (Or, perhaps, they are gay, in denial, *and* have OCD, but that would be a pretty small sub-subset.) And there are a fairly significant number of people who, when questioned, have no indicators supportive of OCD (no other obsessions, no compulsive behaviors, and the nature of the thoughts generally doesn't rise to the sort of intrusive thought consistent with OCD.) Those people, if there are factors that support same-sex attraction, are likely using the HOCD label as a way of supporting denial. For others, it's abundantly clear that there's no evidence whatsoever that they have any form of same-sex attraction, and those people likely have OCD or at least obsessive traits (OCD and obsessive compulsive behavior are different.) I don't use (nor do many credible people in the psychology or sexology field) the HOCD term because, quite simply, it doesn't exist as a standalone disorder any more than "flipping light switches OCD" or "locking doors OCD" exists. I get that some people use it as a shorthand, but I think that's a disservice to the people who have actual OCD diagnoses because, since a lot of people that claim to have "HOCD" likely don't, it diminishes the suffering of those who have real OCD. To the extent that I seek to help people separate one from the other, I do call it out, but I'd not characterize those postings as "hostile."
Your wrong. There are forms of OCD There is Pure O which is a form of OCD. They don't have compulsions like other OCD suffers...their compulsions are on a mental level. It could be repeating a certain phrase in their mind over and over again. The sufferer of OCD may be unable to identify their compulsions on a mental level as well. Let me give you a link so you can educate yourself: What is Pure O? | OCD-UK It is also rude to discount someone's experience. You do not know these people in real life, let their therapist and psychiatrist determine their disorders. Also the HOCD posts i have seen since being here, i haven't seen hostility. What i have seen is people giving advice on how they figured out their sexuality, trying to help the poster figure out their sexuality, and advising the person to talk to a therapist.
The reason HOCD sufferers gravitate to EC is because they (we?) are in a state of confusion about what appears to be their true sexual orientation. It's important to keep in mind that HOCD is not some unique and mythical diagnosis; it's just one flavor of OCD in general. OCD is characterized by obsessive, often intrusive, thoughts about a particular subject. That's the "O." Some people have compulsions (the "C") they perform to lessen the anxiety; rituals like counting, rearranging objects, etc. Other people simply ruminate, research, and analyze the question to death. OCD is unrelated to sexual orientation. It is an anxiety disorder arising from the need to be absolutely 100% sure about a particular topic. These topics usually manifest as black-and-white dichotomies, like clean/contaminated, godly/damned, straight/gay, etc. Essentially, it's a disease of doubt. Imagine you get a bowl of soup at a restaurant with a hair in it. Most people would quickly choose one of two options: take the hair out and keep eating, or send the soup back. But the OCD brain begins a process of evaluating whether the hair's presence means the soup is irrevocably tainted or not, perhaps taking a few tentative bites, and ultimately suffering in anguish until the waiter comes to bring the next course. They feel guilty about sending back perfectly good soup due to just a hair, and also conflicted about eating something with a hair in it that might be tainted. The need to establish certainty overwhelms all other concerns. So the suffering is very real. And it sure seems to the sufferer that the underlying issue is real. But the solution ultimately boils down to making a choice and sticking with it. In the realm of sexual orientation, this can become very hairy (forgive the pun). I need to know that that I am 100% straight. But how can I know this? I'm attracted to guys sometimes. Surely the soup is tainted. But I like girls, always have. So what to do? Research, experimentation, and analysis typically follow. I get back all kinds of evidence supporting a number of different conclusions. Nobody else can confirm or deny any of it, since sexual orientation exists only in my head. So now I am hopelessly stuck, impaled upon the fence of indecision. This has been my own story. I am still dealing with it. There are no answers, only more questions. Do HOCD sufferers belong on EC? Technically, no, since OCD is not about sexual orientation. But where else to go when you feel absolutely compelled to establish with certainty your own understanding of whether you are gay or straight?
Yes, all of this. I don't know if I have HOCD, because I really don't seem to have the same narrative as people who do. But I'm pretty sure I have OCD, and right now I'm definitely frantic over trying to prove I'm... well I'm trying to prove I'm not straight except I am so I'm actually a little mixed up as to what I'm trying to prove and that is one reason I don't think have HOCD. But I am obsessing over the question even though I know there is no answer (except from me and I don't have one) and no solution except to live my life and see who I'm attracted to and stop thinking about my sexuality all the time. And also to stop posting on the internet about it... But for whatever reason I don't feel capable of doing any of that right now. Which is not to say I think you have to have people with HOCD in the forum if you don't want to, and I certainly don't think you have to allow posts that are inappropriate, especially due to homophobia.
I kind of agree with you. Especially when it comes to HOCD sufferers who mostly want to date the opposite sex. When HOCD sufferers are queer things get a bit trickier. I have trouble knowing what's caused by being queer and what's caused by OCD. ---------- Post added 20th Dec 2014 at 12:54 AM ---------- I agree. Most of my compulsions are mental, but some of them aren't. When I was scared I was going blind I often checked my vision throughout the day. It was horrible. I often tried to hide that compulsion.
