Hey all,

My name is Jay and I am originally from Miami, FL, raised in Fort Lauderdale until high school, at which point I was uprooted to East Texas. Today, I’m a 38-year-old, cis-gendered, gay male. I was referred to this site by someone who overheard me (actually read a transcript) of me counseling someone who is far younger than myself. I’ve had an often turbulent but not without its many rewards. To quote the Smashing Pumpkins, one of my favorite bands when I was a kid, “My life’s been extraordinary, blessed and cursed and won.”

I know every older person says the same thing, but I’ve truly sat the precipice of change in the United States, as it pertains to treatment of LGBTQ+ rights, over the past 24 year since I came out of the closet at 13/14 years old. When I was a younger teenager, support for gay marriage stood at around 20-25%. Today, it’s around 70%. Most of you know that it’s hard to get 70% of Americans to agree that the sky is blue. So, it’s amazing to see what my generation accomplished in its time, and even more exciting to see what yours is accomplishing.

I may be a bit of a unique case, because while not always out, I’ve known that I was gay since I was 9 or 10 years old. May not have always known what it meant or how it would affect my coming of age, but I knew that I was, as it was commonly believed to be, “different.” Accordingly, while generally on the more masculine side, I made a decision that I was going to live the life of a gay man. That was part of the calculus that went into my decision to come out at such a young age when, as stated, things were not always so comfortable for gay people.

I also grew up at a very unique time in American, and largely British, history. We got our first internet-capable computer when I was 9 and my parents made the cognitive decision to put it in my room at 12, AOL and all. Not only was AOL the original social media platform, but it was widely used across this country and Western Europe. Not only was I part of the first generation to have access to niche communications with other gay men and boys, but it came at a time when opinions of LGBT people had not quite rounded the curve as it has since done.

(I say I came out in high school. That’s actually when I willfully came out. In reality I was outed about three times per month when my mother had to call AOL to find out why my screen name had been suspended. A lot of us were outed by AOL that way. Obviously, there are implications not only with the TOS of this site but also legal implications. So, I will do little more than disclose that I did not hold onto my virginity for as much as it was worth.)

There were periods when I struggled with strong steering currents toward drug abuse. That’s something that everyone will confront at some point in their lives, but perhaps not with the prevalence that exists amongst gay men.

Basically, if there was a statistic short of murder or suicide, I was on it. And while those proclivities made growing up far more difficult than it had to be, today I have two degrees, a great job, and a world of experience to impart, if someone wants to listen or finds value in learning from my mistakes. I wish there were tools like this when I was younger, and I’m thrilled that it exists for you.

I can’t tell you that you’ll always like my feedback. But it’s there. (I love a good philosophical debate, as well.) I also can’t tell you how long I’ll be here. But for the time being, here I am. Have a question, ask!

 

Thank you very much for the welcome!

 

I’m also a good person to talk to about college life. With no belief I would ever graduate, I was the world’s first 6.5-year undergraduate. I graduated from the 6th university I attended, which included almost every university in Louisiana besides LSU (Baton Rouge) and Tulane. I had a scholarship to Loyola University New Orleans, but got kicked out when they suspected I tried to burn my dorm down. (I didn’t, but yea… I was a wild one.) I graduated from Georgia State University in Atlanta in 2007. Later, I graduated from Arizona State University.

I’ve also lived all across this country—Miami, Fort Lauderdale, Dallas, Shreveport, New Orleans, Atlanta, San Francisco, and now Seattle—and in Moscow, Russia. So, I’m big on cultural exposure. I was an internationally award winning Modem U.N. competitor in college too, so I like diplomacy as well.