Hardest person to come out to?

Definitely my dad, he was in fact, the one who took it the worst

 

I haven't told my dad yet. However, he figured out all on his own that I wasn't, as he put it, 'Fully straight." It's not his fault, really. He's a super great man, and I'm not saying that just because he's my dad. He's wonderful. But the way he was raised, it's a wonder how he stands it in our family full of loads of diversity from every angle.

So he knows I'm bisexual then. But I haven't told him about my gender. A part of me doesn't feel the need to, because in the end, I'm still his child, the same child he's always loved, and I'm not changing my body, so....would it really even matter. He doesn't treat me like any specific gender anyway, he treats me like me, so it's fine for me, ya know.

But some people have said this make me narrow minded, not to tell him because I'm afraid he'll react badly. Probably, he will. He won't like it. He won't disown me like he's claimed to do to a queer/trans child of his in hypothetical conversations. I know his love for me is too deep for that. But still... it would be a really rocky road, because he cares so much about me. His belief system vs his love for me...that would be the problem.

In the end, I think he'd end up ignoring it like he does my sexual orientation. One of those "I don't know, I don't wanna know" kind of things.

I love him. He's a strong man, but he'd be stronger if he was willing to show me some emotion. And I think he he did that, it wouldn't be so hard to tell him.

 

Dad. He is like the most anti-gay person I have met. I don't think I will ever want to tell him. Ill probably write it in a note and put it in his death bed.

 

runawaybff: You know this is what my son says. He remembers a nasty comment his dad made while watching a very flaming and "out" gay gun on American Idol when he was 13 and it has stuck with him every since then. Another reason he wont tell his dad. But I have assured him his dad was talking about THAT guy. He says "no mom he was talking about ALL gay guys". but he wasnt. We all say crap like that while watching TV and make remarks we dont really "mean" and I got my son to admit even HE does it. His dad says the same about straight people too..if they are acting or doing things HE thinks are just plain inappropriate. I have tried to reassure my son that his dad makes flippant nasty remarks that are judgemental as we ALL do. Because that guy WAS being absolutely inappropriate! Even my son agreed. But he was at a sensitive age and time and he remember and he took it to heart. I have tried to quell his feelings of rejection from his unknowing dad and also tried to quell my husbands remarks telling him they make me uncomfortable and I do not like him to be so judgemental of other people. For now it seems we are all at a peaceful truce. So..in a way, those remarks are NOT meant for you. Your dad has NO idea and he is ripping apart those people, not you. He is putting them all together in a neat little bundle and referring to them all but he is certainly not including YOU in that bundle and you really need to try to understand this. I have watched the Detroit News and made remarks such as "they should just bomb that city off the map" and of course I dont mean it. I have friends and family there....I think if you think about it we all make mean remarks. These are not meant for our own "peeps' but just for groups in society that anger us. I have a special dislike for very elderly crippled up blind folks who still drive. They seem to killing someone every day in our community. There was a couple last week in our local Best Buy who were waiting to be seated. They thought they were in the Olive Garden. I was LIVID...have I been making awful and cutting remarks about old drivers? yes I have. But I have a 99 year old gramma who is the sweetest and best lady I know and I most CERTAINLY am not including HER!!!! She is old. She no longer drives....your dad is NOT including you in the nonsense. We do not think of our own children when we reference things we see or read or witness. Please try to understand this. Your father cannot be blamed for something he has no idea about.

 

Has to be my dad. I've come out to my mother, sister, counselor, and a couple friends- all of which had mixed reactions- but I still haven't been able to come out to my father. He's homophobic and rather closed minded, so I'm especially cautious and scared of coming out to him. Have stopped coming out to everyone else before coming out to my father, so I've practically been mulling on it for months. Not very fun, and I have to say it is one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. Might come out to him next week when my mother/sister are away, by presenting him with a paper explaining/coming out to him. Still extremely nervous though.

 

My Dad. He didn't believe bisexuality was real. But after I came out, he knows it is.

 

Really love your comment! I Truly appreciate it. It's people like you that makes this world a better place <333

 

Mamma. I worry too much. She accepts me.

 

I am glad my comment made you feel good! Its the truth. Hang in there, we are all a work in process. Good lord when I think about the people who raised me and my husband both, its amazing we are still here.

---------- Post added 13th Mar 2013 at 01:44 PM ----------

Dunno what it is about dads..but its the same at my house. Damn dads. What the hell? You dont have to approve of THEIR sex life right? Nor do they likely discuss it with you. So why do you have to discuss it with them and get their approval? Sort of bass ackwards I think. Adults are not required to discuss their sex preferences nor is it considered in good taste. I think many people feel like that. You are not required to get permission from you parents to be gay. Its great if they accept you and if not? Their problem.

 

The hardest will be my step-dad (who raised me), and my biological dad and his side of the family.

I think my step-dad has pinned a lot of his hopes on me. My sister is gay and married a woman, and I'll think he'll be disappointed that his only other daughter won't be marrying a man either. At the same time, it might not be so bad, because even if I'm dating women at least I'll be dating someone and that'll make him happy. He's always hated how much of a recluse I am.

My bio dad will be hard to tell because I just know he's going to "blame" himself for not being in my life, or something. He's always asking me if there's a special guy in my life and that it's okay to talk about it if I want to, but I just don't say anything under the guise of being a private person. I'm not even going to tell his family. According to them, gay people and Muslims are to blame to every little ill that befalls America... they're very prejudiced. And my grandma on that side has cancer, and having just lost my other grandma (mom's mom), I don't want to alienate the other one when we've only just started to have a relationship. There are some things she doesn't have to know.

It was really hard admitting to my mom that I was "confused", but she understood and even though she's been gone for many years now, I know she would love and accept me no matter what. The same goes for my maternal grandmother; she was happy to hear about my sister's gay marriage, and she only ever wanted me to be happy. She questioned my sexuality but I don't think she knew.

As for people who already know, telling my sister was the hardest. You'd think because she's a lesbian it would be easy, but she's also younger than me and I felt stupid having all these doubts while she had her head together. I love her and admire her and come to her for advice on all manner of topics, but in this case it was really difficult... of course, I worried for nothing, she supports me and I'm thankful for that.

 

The first people I came out to, naturally. They first people I told were some friends. Everyone whom I've told has given me a positive reaction, though my parents could've been better. Now, I'm out in general. It's been easier to come out to people after telling the first several.

 

I am terribly sorry she acted that way.

 

often enough
yourself.