When i was 3 or 4, i had that crazy fantasy that I didn't exist, i looked at the mirror and said "I don't exist, I just don't exist". When I was 13 I had those strange desires, having urges to be with a man. When i was 14 I had my first kiss with a girl and it felt like heaven. I dont know if it was because it was my first sexual contact, I don't know, but I felt like I was totally in love, then we broke up and I also suffered a lot. When I was 15 I detected that when I was masturbating I always prefered interracial sex to be chosen vid. I discovered that I wasn't masturbating imaging I was penetrating the girl, I was so pleased imaging myself being dominated by a black man and, god, those sessions with interracial vids are still experiences where I know more of my own nature, I mean, my capacity of feeling aroused by being dominated by massive man, it scares me a little bit. I always think "God, how is all this pleasure possible???" When I was 20 I was totally a depressed guy, desiring to kill himself. Now, after considerating I even was trans, I realized I was so naturally bottom, I realized my primary sex role is to be penetrated and dominated. I really do like woman, I always have fantasies with an italian girl friend and I always imaging I penetrate her, she's one of my goals I really want to be dominate her. My secondary sex role is to be top exclusively with women. But obviously, to be bottom with men is the biggest trigger of pleasure for me, I'm virgin as a homo right now. Now I feel like when I get a man to be with, I'll feel nervous, but that kind of nervous that feeds a bigger feeling, a desire. Big things are about to happen in my life. Discovering more of my sexual nature is my day to day right now, not repressing anything and ,of course, deeply desiring to be haunted.
