Feeling like less of a man for lack of a body part

Try not to beat yourself up so much and treat yourself with patience and kindness. Simply having a penis is only a biological difference and has nothing to do with gender. I respect men and women for their content of character and never think about their genitals during that process. If they're worried about how you are split down the middle, then that got weird priorities my man. It's none of their business. If having a penis is a part of what it means to be a man then it's trivial. Lets say it's less than 5% for example. Be the other 95% of what it means to a man. Show people your worth more than organs.

There are plenty of people who hate me and thought less of me as a man over the course of my life. But I earned their respect by standing up for myself and not caving into pressure. There are also a hundred ways to be a good man. There isn't one that is ultimately better than the rest. There are many paths to manhood and I'm sure you'll find your way.

Maybe you can wear baggy clothes to hide packing. Or maybe you can wear some packing equivalent that gives you the same physical feeling like your packing but doesn't show physically. Kind of like a placebo.

 

Like we talked about before, just turn everything off and focus on surviving. Once you're settled in your new place away from your family, then you can process your feelings at your own pace, and live the life you want. I know it sucks and I'm sorry. Just dig deep and finish strong at the finish line. Bottle up the emotions for right now and become that freight train instead. Take the poison like a wasp sting to the head and keep working towards your goal. Once you move to a safe space you can unravel and put yourself back together uninterrupted without anyone tearing you down. You don't have to be strong forever. Just until you get over this last hurdle.

Try to distract yourself as much as possible if you start to get overwhelmed. Movies, books, video games, reading, hobbies, working out, hiking, sitting in your car watching YouTube for a few hrs before you have to go home. Anything and everything. Hang in there.

 

Hey Jack, firstly you are a man. I see you as a man. Your friends on EC do too. You're a guy - end of.

But I hear you about your dysphoria. I think this sort of dysphoria is always the hardest to cope with, because for any trans person sorting out what's down below tends to be near the end of our 'journey'. Sometimes it can feel like an impossible dream. For myself, I yearn to have a vagina. I despise what I can feel between my legs at the moment, but I know one day I'll be rid of it.

And for you it will happen. It'll take years. Of course. But it will happen.

First and foremost, as Chilton said, you have to survive in the here and now, so you can enact your escape plan next year. You've made it this far, kept your head above water, under enormous pressure and abuse. I admire you so much. You can do this.

Sending out big hugs to you, my brother,

Beth xxx

 

Hey Jack..who's 'them'? Your cousin? The family you live with?

Fingers crossed, whatever it is goes well. Will be thinking of you.

Hugs, Beth xxx

 

That's horrible. I hope you're ok. Having family members reassert your dysmorphia for you is a horrible experiance even if it's unintentional. You are a man no matter what they do they cant take that away from you.

 

Thats so messed up. I get not understanding but some people are just so vindictive about it. Even at my darkest points I wouldnt treat people like that. I hope things improve for you.

 

From what you've said about them, it probably is.

Why are you having to dress up for Christmas Eve anyway? Is it a concert you're performing in or something?

I feel your pain though. Every time when I go to work and have to wear trousers and male clothing it just irks me soooo much. At least with my long hair I feel I'm hiding in plain sight, so to speak.

But, you know, it won't be long until all of this is a bad memory, Jack.

Big hugs, my brother,
Beth xxx

 

Ah I see. I guess there is a reason for it, then.

Just take a deep breath, get through it and think inwardly 'this too shall pass'. Some day soon you'll be singing as yourself: a man.

Big hugs,
Beth xxx