hello, i'm new to this forum and put already an introduction post up but now i look forward to find out how i really am i'm 22 and still live with my parents, the last couple of years i noticed my increasing interest in man. when i was a kid i cant remember having interest in boys (i had interest in girls though) when one of my friends outed himself (we where 14 i think) i was basically the only one that stood by him. i remember having trouble doing that though because i don't think i heard before that anything about people not being interested in the opposite sex to say it like that. i asked myself back then if i may be gay to and came to the conclusion that i'm not. but the last few years (cant really remember when it started) i started to get interest in man. soon later i started exploring gay porn and now i always thought it may just be innocent curiosity. now this "curiosity" is still there and i feel attracted to man but i always tried to deny it. i would always convince myself that i'm interested in girls (because i kinda also can see why girls are sexually attractive). i'm just confused and cant tell if i'm fully gay or bi or curious but i guess that's just fear of admitting it to myself. the reason i'm here is because i want finally to know for sure but even when i admit it to myself what the hell do i do then? :bang: i cant imagine telling my parents or friends but i guess this will be necessary sooner or later else it will eat me up. did anybody else go trough this uncertainty and know how to deal with it the best? (just writing this helped me already make peace with the idea actually but the denial is still there i can feel it)
Welcome! It sounds to me from this post at least that you are attracted to both men and women. This is where heteronormative culture comes into play. Yes I've lived in denial still do occasionally, and I think you'll find many others. What makes you reject your sexuality? It was religion for me. Journaling and posting in EC can really help. Do you have and LGBT+ friends or an accepting friend you could talk to in person? Feel free to message me any time. Hope this helps!
thanks questions4ever i think what makes me reject it is my environment and what i saw happend to my friend that came out (sadly i don't have much contact with him anymore but maybe its good for me to reach out to him again)
welcome Alein, questioning is fine and a normal thing to go through. Some people know their sexuality when they're still kids, but many (including me and probably you) need more time to figure things out. I started noticing my interest in women only about a month back (I am 19 years old). Looking back on the time before, I recognize some clues, but nothing really obvious like a crush. And as society taught me to be interested in the opposite gender only, I didn't pay much attention to these small clues. About what to do next: Take your time and take one step after the other. Writing down your thoughts definitely helps. If you feel comfortable telling someone you trust, go ahead and do that. Just don't feel obliged to come out if you're not ready. I know all the stories about coming out seem great, but the reason to do so should be that you want to. Also, don't force a label onto your feelings if you don't feel comfortable with it. Labels can help because they give your feelings a name. But they are not what defines you. You are the only one who can define what you feel. If you need more advice, feel free to leave a message. An one last thing: be patient with yourself. Things will eventually get clearer and less confusing.
@"i am just me" thanks for the advice, you are right i shouldn't try to label myself from one day to another. i guess i have to take is slow. maybe reading some more posts here
Could I ask how you feel around men and women? Also If you have been intimate with women how did you feel about the experience? How do you feel with women your own age? I could easily have emotions for females my own age...never for guys my own age. I mean I start question quite young...back then there was only yahoo or google...wasn't as much good sources out. I remember reading, "you can't know until you are with the opposite sex."...So that allowed me to deny it. I had my first experience with a man...there was nothing really emotionally fulfilling or enjoyable about it. So I tried with a few more guys and still the same issue. But I noticed with women...that it just naturally came easy...I was more comfortable...I develop strong emotions for females without having to think too much....everything that is to happen with a significant one/crush happened. What help me get to the point I am now was....to stick to myself pretty much, create a safe space, go through my emotions daily, and explore whatever feelings came up. Kissing a man was even bland (there was nothing there)....kissing a female was great...there was an emotional reaction. All these men checked off most of the points on my list....had a job, was attractive, very friendly, calm, same hobbies as me, could handle my personality, etc. But, I could never really feel anything for them. The only way you will really figure out who you are is also be ready for acceptance. If you are not ready for acceptance you will come up with a bunch of excuses like I did when I was younger. I'm still trying to get comfortable with who I am, but I have accepted my sexuality. It is definitely a process.
I've been through similar denial with my bisexuality; mine lasted for years. But I'm over it now, and you can get past it too! The fact that you feel attraction towards men (from what you've described) indicates that you're at the very least not straight. Now at this point I recommend experimenting a little, in order to explore exactly how you feel towards men and women in comparison. In that way you could figure out whether or not you're gay, bi, pan etc. Keep in mind that you don't necessarily need to be sexually attracted to a gender; romantic attraction is also worth noticing. I for example am more sexually attracted to women than I am to men, though I DO feel romantic attraction towards men. I agree that you should take it slow and don't try to rush yourself into coming to a conclusion: it's unnecessary and could cause needless stress. Also, have a go at looking around at other threads. Feel free to leave a message on my wall if you need anything. FYI I don't know if any staff will see this, but shouldn't this be in the "Sexual and Romantic Orientation" forum?
Hi All, I guess I am asking a similar question to Alien. I have a girlfriend of just over 3 years now but recently I have started to get more than just friends feelings for one of my good guy mates who we always joke about being bi or possibly gay. but looking at it now it could have shot me in the foot as I am not sure if this makes me gay or bi. I did some experimenting back when i was 14 at a friends party with one of my friends friend. It did not really seem like a big deal at the time so I just went on with my life. I do have some Lesbian and gay friends but that didn't really change anything as I just sore them as one of my friends. now I am not sure what to think about my sexuality and If i should tell my girlfriend. I know this post seems way to long but I just had to get it out there I guess. so I am now left wondering if this is a phase or not. if someone has any Ideas could you let me know. Cheers
I personally wouldn't say anything until you are sure. But then again if you were to come out is it to come out to know how accepting she is or would you be coming out because you want to make it an open relationship (or end it). The main question you need to answer is how do you feel with women and how do you feel with men? Are the feelings mutual for both males & females, you have strong feelings for women only, or men only? Are you just curious because you have friends who are gay/lesbian and you want to better understand same sex relationships? I think you have to work through your feelings first before you have a major conversation with your significant other.
