Explaining Bisexuality

1. I can't sleep with someone unless I know them, the idea of first-night stands is actually a turn off for me. It even bothers me to hear my friends raving about their conquests.
2. Is it true that I can be in a monogamous relationship? Yes. While I prefer polygamous relationships - I can live without one. Other bisexuals don't need this.
3. It wasn't a choice. For a long time, if it was a choice - I would have chosen to be straight. Now that I accept it and embrace it? The heart chooses what it wants. And you can't control the heart.
4. Why limit yourself? If you fall in love with a girl, be with her. If you fall in love with a guy, why should you have to block yourself from being happy? Society? That doesn't make sense.
5. I know who I am. The problem isn't with me, it's with a society that makes one choose.

I find girls hot. I find guys hot. While there is an "ebb and flow," I'm still gender blind.

 

Well, I know this ship has long since sailed, but since this thread resurfaced, I figured I may as well add my two cents.

In general, I do hope that the various responses on this thread give people some food for thought and/or some ammunition to use against people who assert any of these things.

1. Bisexuals don't care who they sleep with as long as they orgasm.

Well, sheesh, this is just bigoted crap. It's no more true than to say that straight men don't care what woman they sleep with as long as they orgasm. And that's just a ridiculous stereotype, isn't it? ISN'T IT??

2. Bisexuals who have slept with both a man and woman in the past can not be sexually satisfied in a monogamous relationship because they will miss the other "parts."

This is one where I admit some turmoil. I have been in a monogamous relationship with my female partner for the past 25 years. I would have said I was fully sexually satisfied up until about 5-6 years ago...I would say those urges and tastes do catch up with you. But I'm not sure about the relevance of "who have slept with both"...I have spoken with many bisexuals in their 50s who had never had sex with one sex or the other, but either have or are ready to cheat on their very longterm partners, because they were being driven nuts by the urge for what their partner can't offer them.

But see other threads about this. There is definitely another side to this coin. In particular, I think *many* straight or gay people have similar issues with wanting sex with people other than their partners, because the new person can offer them something their partner cannot. This is not simply a bisexual issue, but an issue dealing with certain kinds of needs. I'm still very much working on the details in my own life, but I think I would just urge your coworker to recognize that bisexuals aren't the only ones to deal with this issue...and that *many* bisexuals quite happily engage in monogamous relationships that last as long or longer than many non-bisexual relationships.

3. Bisexuals can choose to only act on their heterosexual urges, yet they also act on their homosexual urges. Doesn't this mean bisexuality is a choice?

Yes, what we *do* is entirely our choice. Just like you. A straight person can choose to have sex with the same sex. They just won't like it. A gay person can choose to have sex with the opposite sex. They just won't like it. A bisexual person can choose *not* to have sex with one or the other sexes...but they'll miss what they don't have (but see 2 above).

But that doesn't mean *bisexuality* is a choice. Just our response to it. I get really confused about why people have such a hard time with this one.

4. Why shouldn't bisexuals "satisfy themselves" with only heterosexual relationships?

Um...why *should* we? Why shouldn't *all* people satisfy themselves with only vanilla ice cream? I don't get the question.

5. A person who is bisexual and has feelings for men and women has just not decided if they are gay or straight.

This is the eternal bisexual stereotype, and I do wish it would go away. To this one, my best response is to bring up the continuum notion. People who believe this are locked into binary thinking: that sexuality can only have two values, homosexual and heterosexual, and that anyone who appears to have another, just hasn't decided between the two possibilities. But on any kind of sincere reflection, this is silly. Many (most?) straight people, if they're being totally honest, admit to some level of attraction, or at least *appreciation* for bodies of the same sex...they wouldn't necessarily want to have sex with someone of the same sex (though some would be willing, especially if offered a mild monetary incentive...but some still wouldn't)...but they can admit certain people of the same sex are hot. Many (most?) gay people are similar with respect to people of the opposite sex. This doesn't mean they aren't gay, or that they would want hetero sex. What's the solution? It's not that sexuality is binary (two-valued); it's that our *view* of sexuality is binary. Get past that, and accept that people can have a huge range of attractions and tastes, and suddenly the "fence-sitter" stereotype starts looking awfully empty.

But this is the tough one, really, because most people *do* think in binary terms about most things: gay or straight, male or female, good or evil, black or white, (for Americans) American or foreign. Certain kinds of people find these boxes stupidly limiting...but it seems that most find immense comfort in sorting *everything* into dichotomies. Ah well.

 

Its a hard thing to explain

 

Thread's nearly four years old. Please pay attention to dates when posting y'all. Thanks!