Over the past month or so, Ibecame friends with a woman 20 years older than me. She and iI have a lot in common despite our 20 year parallel. I am 25. I have a girlfriend currently who lives with me and we have a stable relationship. She and I have been together since last June. Over the course of time, my current girlfriend had been emotionally distant and unavailable in some respects, in turn making me feel pushed to the side and a lesser priority to her. For instance, the times I been in the hospital, she was not there. When I got home from the hospital she said hello and rolled back to sleep. She will do nice things like make me a cup of coffee or cook dinner for us or help out around the apartment every now and then, but ultimately she is always rejecting me when I want to be in bed with her. I am not a forceful person nor am I treating her in a way in which she wouldn't want to sleep with me anymore. When I asked her why she didn't sleep with me anymore she said it was due to her depression. Which I understand. Then she would want me when I was asleep and couldn't move. I thought that was odd, but I let her do it anyway. Bottom line even thought she gets along well with my family and all, it always made me feel alone and like we didn't really have any common interest or goals. She is content with work, having someone to come home to, someone to have dinner with, and someone next to her in bed at night. For a while this is what made me feel loved and cared for but... Then along came this woman. She is 45 years old, very attentive, was at the hospital with me and took care of me, had a great conversation with my mom, she has fibromyalgia, her mom lives with her, and she is trying to emancipate financially from her ex. She and I talk about everything, have many similar goals and ambitions, and we have this intense attraction that has led me to want to be with her. But I think of my now girlfriend and I want to end things with her before I pursue a possible relationship with this other woman. It breaks my heart because she is a good person and I have been unfaithful in thought and to some extent, action if you will, and I don't know how to come out and tell her it is over between us. I love her and I want her to be happy and I would like to think she'd want the same for me, even if that meant I want to be with someone else. She suspects that there is something off about me, now she has recently started telling me she loves me (before she'd say "me too." Or "ditto" or "I will someday") and that she wants to work things out with me. Being with this older woman I feel more connected, that this is what I been wanting and missing all along. I don't know what to do. My girlfriend doesn't deserve the heartbreak but I don't want to feel heartbroken while being in relationship with her. What should I tell her? How? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Am I having a case of the " grass is greener on the other side"?:tears:
It sounds as if you still have feelings for your current girlfriend. The only advisable way to get through this is to talk to your girlfriend with an open mind. I was reading your post and I didn't see any evidence that you discussed how you felt with her. Relationships where you aren't honest about things that upset you lead to resentment and bitterness towards the other person, when in reality they probably don't know how you feel. It sounds like she didn't value you as much as you valued her, but I think she might be demonstrating regretfulness because she is 'upping' how much affection she shows you. This could be a good sign. As you have entered a relationship with her I personally believe you owe it to her to discuss things that have made you unhappy so far in the relationship, and try to salvage something before leaving it completely. If she cares about and loves you, these problems won't drive her away; in fact, she should start to try what she can to change them. Naturally, you will meet other great people in your lifetime, but the foundation of a relationship is trust and commitment. I understand that you have probably felt negatively about aspects of the relationship for some time, but I personally believe you have to discuss and work on these problems before you end things between you.
