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Emerging Gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by CyberSteve88, May 1, 2023.

  1. CyberSteve88

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    Thanks David. Your story is incredibly touching. This forum is a testament to the fact that while each of us has a unique path, there have been many before us who've walked similar roads. Nearly every question I've posted, since joining in May, has been met with responses from users who've navigated similar experiences.
     
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  2. Searching2022

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    In so much of your posts I see my own journey, the fact that you’ find it encouraging is a good sign. It sounds like you’re at the point where the denial and repression are more seen as a hinderancel that will grow to where you;lo see it at a negative force

    I am glad to hear you’re making progress, that accepting attitude will turn into joy soon! As @breezy said accepting you’re gay doesn’t mean everything will be perfect or that there won’t be challenges, but it’s a great relief to stop living a lie

    It’s a little scary and often one of the final “moments’ before acceptance, but it was a relief to finally admit to myself that I am just not sexually attracted to women. It’s a very freeing thing to accept because you no longer try to force it.
     
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  3. CyberSteve88

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    Indeed, I'm tired of trying to fight it. The denial, the feelings of guilt, the shame etc.

    Being honest with myself, my desire is to be intimate with another man, not a woman.
     
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  4. Contented

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    Many of us go through the process of that guilt window shrinking as our attraction to women deceases until it disappears completely. At that point you are faced with reality that you are indeed gay man. That moment of clarity is also a moment of liberation from the oppressive guilt we have about our homosexuality. We start to acknowledge we are happy to be gay, glad to be gay and want to live openly as gay men.
     
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  5. Contented

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    This is so true towards the end it’s becomes physically taxing to continue to pretend to be attracted to women when you know your really attracted to men.
     
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  6. Searching2022

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    That’s all this is about just being honest about who you are.

    When I really think about the attraction was never there I liked what women were wearing, I never liked them naked and always got a little disgusted and bored during sex.
     
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  7. Searching2022

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    Once you really accept you’re gay being in bed with a woman or even trying to flirt is about as comfortable as a straight guy would be having gay sex :slight_smile:
     
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  8. Searching2022

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    This sums it up. The only question is what direction but it looks like the answer is pretty clear
     
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  9. Contented

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    This was my experience as well. I never wanted them naked after sex , I had to cover up. I always felt dirty and disgusted after sex with a woman. Almost like I was doing something wrong. With a man it was exciting, erotic, sensual and felt totally right. Nothing with a woman even came close.
     
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  10. Contented

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    The idea of being in bed with a woman now seems so gross and disgusting. Could never do it again ever.
     
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  11. Searching2022

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    It really clarifying for me to go oiut on one last date with a women who was attractive and made advances to me, I couldn’t even kiss her, i realized it felt weird and I might have liked what she wore but i did want her to take it off
    I realized there was no turning back because there was nothing to turn back to I was always gay but just in denial
     
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  12. CyberSteve88

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    The same for me. I mentioned this in my opening post. I wouldn't say I'm disgusted during sex. I struggle to get aroused and just go through the motions to get it over with. It's meh!!
     
  13. CyberSteve88

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    I think I need a real life experience to confirm my orientation. That these desires arent just fantasies it's because I'm gay. I have read that for others it was a 'no turning back' moment.
     
  14. Searching2022

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    I understand why you feel this way, but from what I have seen, and again, my own experience, this is the last bit of the bargaining phase: "It wont' be 'real' until I actually have sex". Is a straight person straight before they have sex?

    Again, only you can decide, but if you only fantasize about having sex with men, you're indifferent and then rapidly lose interest in sex with women, when you contemplate the idea that you're gay, it's a pretty good indicator of your sexuality.

    Having sex has removed lingering doubt or confirmed things for many gay men, but most were pretty comfortable with the idea that they were gay first.
     
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  15. JT1999

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    If you think you need to experience sex with a man to really know for sure, is that going to be a problem for your relationship? If you come to the conclusion that you're definitely gay, then I guess that pretty much calls time on the relationship anyway?
     
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  16. CyberSteve88

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    No, a straight person is considered straight even before they have sex. I guess this same understanding should apply to someone who's gay.
     
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  17. CyberSteve88

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    Ending the relationship, before any experimenting, is a decision I am prepared to make.
     
  18. Contented

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    I agree I think we know we are gay before we actually have intimate relations with another man however I think that first time serves to remove all remaining doubt. In my case reality was so much better than anything I had fantasized about. It also cemented the fact that my desire and attraction for women had totally dissolved into a craving for intimacy with a man.
     
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  19. Searching2022

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    My last girlfriend i had to think about a guy most of the time and could only do doggie style I guess because it was easier to imagine a guy
     
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  20. JT1999

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    This is a genuine question, I’m not taking the mick here - is there much difference, especially from behind?