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Do straight guys cuddle?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by paper person, Sep 4, 2011.

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  1. ezkill

    ezkill
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    Okay, take a deep breath. I know it's confusing; but if you resolve to just stay friends, you don't even have to worry about whether or not he suspects you, or is trying to tell you he is gay. He hasn't explicitly said anything or asked anything, so you don't have to worry yet.

    I think if you just remind yourself that you just want to be friends with him and nothing more, you will find that you will not think about that other stuff as much. It sounds like, though, that deep down you sort of do want him to like you... you should really make a decision, now, whether or not you want to pursue this. You mentioned earlier that you didn't, but what you are saying now indicates otherwise.

    Have you tried asking him why he sent you that link? Sometimes the best way to resolve a question you have is to just ask it. It can't hurt in this situation.
     
    #21 ezkill, Sep 8, 2011
  2. mnguy

    mnguy
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    Sorry your friend is being so confusing. I hate it when gay guys (not saying this guy is) keep talking about girls to keep up their straight front. I know a guy who would get close to me once in a while and did other things that made me wonder if he's trying to either get me to come out or to show that he wanted to fool around a little. During all that time he had a gf/fiance and is now married. He would say gay negative things sometimes which might have been to reinforce his straight cover or maybe a remnant of his homophobic upbringing. Maybe he is straight, but I wouldn't doubt if he ends up coming out eventually.

    So maybe that's what your friend is doing with the girl talk, yet I can't believe he was so cuddly with you if 100% straight. The way you described it sounded so tender and amazing. Maybe he is gay, but isn't ready to come out. Maybe he wants to cuddle with you as long as no one finds out, yet cuddling on a public train doesn't fit that, hmm. I dunno, too confusing. I hope if he is gay he drops the straight front ASAP and eventually you two can talk about it and you have a great relationship. Take care :slight_smile:
     
    #22 mnguy, Sep 9, 2011
  3. paper person

    paper person
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    I realized something I'm not in love with my friend.

    We were doing a lab and I realized he may be a great friend at times but he is defiantly not the type of person I remember having feelings toward if that makes sense. I was in love with what i had remembered and the person that I created that exists with that. In my head my friend was nice and outgoing and funny and a whole bunch of other nice adjectives. When we were in class I realized he can be annoying irresponsible and frustrating. Not to get me wrong he is a good friend but not someone I would want more than that.

    I guess what I wanted was a closer connection with someone, anyone. Being closeted is lonely and scary if not plain annoying. The feelings I had fulfilled that and I wanted them again so bad I assumed it was just because of my friend. However it was a number of things, like my desire to be accepted, my over analyzeation of everyone’s sexuality as of late and probably a bit of tiredness. I had stretched the feeling out and fooled myself into thinking there might be something. Sure he sure as hell is confusing me with what all this shit means but I’m probably over thinking it. Now that I see him around other people at school i realize all my friends are just physically affectionate people.

    I’m pissed that i fooled myself I’m pissed that it won’t work out and I’m pissed that I’m not gonna get to feel that way again. I guess I should wait rather than fooling myself about something that can’t happen. Plus he smokes and does pot on occasion even though he doesn’t usually tell me about it or does it in front of me. I constantly tell him to stop and that It disappoints me but that’s another unrelated problem

    I was the only one that felt that way but I guess there isn’t a connection it was an isolated incident that will annoy me for a long time to come :’(

    Time to go back to being alone and sacred and all those things.
     
    #23 paper person, Sep 9, 2011
  4. Danny19

    Danny19
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    this is random but thats my hometown! go long beach!! :grin: (!)
     
    #24 Danny19, Sep 9, 2011
  5. Psymark

    Psymark
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    You might not be in love with your friend, or at least from what I can understand, don't want to be in love with him. However, you seem to have a friendship that is close enough for you to be able to be completely honest with him. Coming out to him would not be a move, it would be a way to feel better about yourself.

    Do you trust him enough to tell him that? With the state of mind that you're in at the moment, what do you think his reaction might be? I don't really know what happened during that lab but it seems like everything it coming from there and you started to think about everything that is negative about your friend.
     
    #25 Psymark, Sep 9, 2011
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