do fantasies make you gay/bi?

why would someone masturbate over someone they don't find physically or emotionally attractive?

 

Yeh I have to agree...I don't think I've ever heard of masturbating over someone telling you they love you!

And how can you be so sure you won't fall in love with a man?

 

First off, welcome to EC!

If he is completely sure that he will never be physically or emotionally interested in a man, then, no. It doesn't make him gay/bisexual.

It's actually fairly common I hear, for both men and women alike to fantasize about the same sex as they near or approach orgasm. It's just never discussed due to the fact that people are afraid they will instantly be called gay because of it.

Sexual fantasy is a very hard thing to explain or rationalize. If it happens, it happens. But to answer your question - no, in this case it is likely not a sign that he is a gay person. It may be something he should take into consideration if he is doing it regularly, but I wouldn't be freaking out about it.

 

No, having same-sex fantasies doesn't make you gay or bi per se. Inversely, being gay or bi does make you have same-sex fantasies, however

But on the whole it's human to have fantasies out of the range of what one ordinarily would do. I have had fantasies about women, on occasion. That doesn't make me bi or straight, though. Any women in my fantasies tend to be quite nondescript anyway. Is the man in these fantasies just a random representative male specimen? Or is it a specific man?

 

If we start putting people into categories about how they think or fantasize, how does that separate us from the straight judgement individual? What goes on in your head, only you can interpret....

 

If it's just a nondescript man, and you end up feeling disgusted, I'd say you're most probably not gay or bi.

I'd say just accept that these fantasies are things that happen. Just try not to feel too guilty or disgusted about them. For all we know, other straight guys might have them occasionally too.

 

I would say you are Gay or Bi in all seriousness.

It started out JUST like that for me. I didnt find men attractive per say, or want to be with one, but i started to watch some soft-core porn on TV and wack off to it when i was younger and my eyes were always drawn to the man (Curse you television for killing my innocent youth ) So if it gets to the point were you can only get off to a picture, thought, video, ect. of a man that is a STRONG nudge saying "hey buddy, you like the men."

 

Welcome to EC!

Personally, I don't think it makes you gay. We quite often fantasize about things that we don't actually want to do. We especially enjoy fantasizing about "breaking out of the mold", and doing something totally different. One might fantasize about utterly dominating a partner (or partners) in bed, or being totally dominated by them, for instance. I know there was a period of time when I fantasized almost totally about sex in the shower. Several months of that. And then I just stopped.

If it's just something that comes and goes, if you're not interested in gay porn at all, then I'd say you're just enjoying the fantasy of "trying something different". And I think we all do that.

Lex

 

I agree, Fantasy can take us some strange places. Sometimes, places we'd never really go in real life. I'd just go with it.

Regardless of whether you ARE gay or bi, maybe you should look at how you're judging yourself. How would it affect you emotionally if you WERE gay/Bi. Look for an answer to that question first, then worry about where your head goes during your "one on one" time.

Would it make you feel ashamed?

Don't answer that question if it makes you uncomfortable, that's not why we're here.

 

hearing how u say u react afterwards, i wouldnt say u were gay/bi. i think your male mind is just taking u on some kind of temporary kinky journey, for lack of better words. and after that, reality comes back as reminds u that u are straight. i on the other hand, could never feel disgusted about a guy- i guess im just too gay! lol

 

Well all I can do is share my own opinion--I don't think a few fantasy sessions makes one gay or bi but if it's an ongoing, recurring thing, that to me says there's something going on.

The whole being disgusted thing is not really an indicator of anything because many gay people will tell you they've felt similar feelings after masturbating, especially while they're figuring their sexuality out, mainly because we all tend to absorb the negative stigma attached to having sex with someone of the same gender. On top of that, I think many teens in general, straight or gay, really feel a sense of shame after sexual release because sex is not exactly promoted as a healthy natural thing in our society.

Additionally, I have heard many, many guys struggling with their sexuality say, as you have exactly, that they do not and literally cannot think about men in a romantic/relationship way. It's often described as "I want to have sex with men but I only want to have a relationship with women." There are a lot of different reasons for this, I think, but it ultimately boils down to trying to reconcile sexual attraction, which is particularly powerful when we're in our teens, with social conditioning, which says that men do not lie with men and that in fact to lie with a man basically unmans a guy--effectively makes him not a man. Anyway, the dichotomizing of love/sex is a pretty common thing that happens with gay guys, at least, as they're attempting to come to terms with their sexuality.

All that being said, maybe you're heterosexual with some bi curiosity? Or maybe you're in full denial. Only you would be able to make that determination.

I used to fantasize about women when I was younger because that's what I was supposed to do. It finally occurred to me that maybe I was trying too hard when it became more and more apparent that when I jerked off to the thought of men, it was way easier and way better. At the same time, I was identifying as straight, so there's all sorts of weird ways our sexuality expresses itself (or doesn't) when we're trying to figure it out.

 

I'm just like you with my fantasies though one person keeps popping up and I don't feel ashamed for it does that make me bisexual. I don't really know could any one help me out on this one please evening else you said is exactly the same and I've been trying to work it out for ages.

Thanks in advance four any constructive comments

 

Please start a new thread if you're looking for advice on your own problems. Don't try to hijack other people's threads, especially threads from three years ago.