Is there anyone on here that could offer some advice about dating if I’m possibly bi. I was falling in love with my ex and I disclosed the fact that I’ve had sex with guys in the past. So now I’m torn bc I lost her. Going forward I feel I have to disclose this up front. I would like a relationship with a girl but disclosing my past is going to turn away a lot. Is there anyone who’s in a similar situation?
That’s tough. On the one hand I think it’s best to be upfront early on, but on the other hand you don’t want to scare people off unnecessarily. To be fair, it’s not technically anyone’s business, I think, unless you plan to become serious with someone. At that point people should know what they’re getting into. But if you’re dating someone casually and you think they would be scared off, I don’t think it’s that bad to keep your sexual past to yourself initially.
I think you deserve someone who accepts you fully as you are. We all do. If it means waiting a little longer, then it's better than being in a relationship where you have to pretend to be 100% straight. Imagine meeting a bi woman, in the same position, and the way you would bond naturally, the way you could chat openly with her and relax fully with one another. Isn't that worth waiting/looking for?
Thank you for your reply. I feel going forward even though Im heart broken, I'm just going to focus on myself.
Some of the more difficult questions that come up seem to be when a married individual has come to terms with not wanting to be married anymore because how they feel sexually has changed or they are at the point where they need to disclose ... as well as the question you are asking. Since you were falling in love and that would mean she might be experiencing the same feelings probably called for what you had to say. It meant getting serious. Don't be surprised if more women than not would walk away from a situation where a guy has had sex with other guys before. They may not want to see it happen again. I don't know and can't see what your specific situation looks like, so I don't know how that works out in the long run. I know that some powerful people and well known celebrities have had sex with people of their own gender and then went on to monogamous opposite sex relationships. We don't hear about that many but it does happen. It happens this way with bi women, too. They stand getting rejected or accepted when they disclose this same kind of information. I don't know how I feel about disclosing this if you are just hanging around with someone of the opposite sex platonically. I know that some members will disagree with me, but if a person is not in a relationship of any kind and is not expecting one to come around the bend, then it's up to the person and not up to other people. The problem comes when some of the women you might meet become interested in you at a deeper level. I think you are doing the right thing by focusing on yourself for a while. You need some time to unravel this and heal from what just happened.
Good relationships are built on honesty and when it comes to our sexuality we really do need to be honest. It's far better to disclose the truth about your sexuality to a potential partner, at the outset, rather than getting deeply invested in a relationship and then facing the difficulty of talking about your past with a possible repeat of the heartache.
