I try going on second, third dates and keep wondering ‘When does this get fun?’, ‘When do I start feeling attracted to him?’. But I never do, apart from one guy who things were going really well with, but I sabotaged that relationship so thoroughly I think he probably hates me, or should do. I’m starting to think I am the kind of person who can’t fall in love. I daydream sometimes about having a long-term partner and even getting married, but I dunno if I’ll ever feel anything enough about someone for that to happen. I always feel I’m putting on a mask when I’m dating. Pretending to be funny and interesting and I think that’s the most exhausting part. Today I went on a third date and then broke up with the guy over text. I am a horrible person, but I just couldn’t feel anything. There wasn’t anything wrong with him, but with me. I forced myself to go to a restaurant I don’t like because I thought he might like it. I really didn’t have a good time trying to come up with interesting things to say and keep the conversation going, especially in a noisy environment with other people sat 2 inches away. I used to enjoy dressing up nice for dates but I hate it now. I leave it till the last possible minute (procrastinating, a sign I don’t want to go) and then throw on anything. I just can’t be bothered.
Well… Not getting feelings with a potential partner doesn’t make you a bad person. That’s the point of going to dates - to find out if you’ll click the right way with the person in question or no… If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. That’s just how it goes. But how would you describe what motivates you to go on a date? Are you looking for a long term relationship, or something more casual?
First off congrats on going out with these guys!! That's too bad you aren't having fun or feeling the sparks for them. They must like you since they go on more than one date so that's a great thing. Dating sounds very nerve wracking to me and I hate feeling nervous so I'm always confused how most people say it's fun. I hope a guy makes if fun and sparks fly soon for you!
Hi Lottaotter, I hadn't seen this thread until now so apologies for the late reply. First of all well done for putting yourself out there! I think though the key to dating is to be light-hearted about it. If you go into thinking 'well this might be fun. At the very least I'll get a couple of stories out of this' then you're more likely to relax on the date, and that will make the whole thing go better. The other thing is to dip in and dip out. It is exhausting. That's why taking a break from it for a while is quite often a good idea. Beth xx
