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Dating advice needed, PLEASE! Does my date not looking for the same thing as me?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by seekf2, Jan 7, 2023.

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  1. seekf2

    seekf2
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    Hey guys,

    I have started dating a guy in november, and while I told him that I am looking for a serious relationship, I feel like he is playing with me. I would need your advice, please!

    So, we had 2 dates before the holiday season, than we went home to our families. We live in different countries, far apart, but we are doing studies in a common city. However I finished my study program in December, but I expressed him that I would still wish to come back here if I can date him and maybe have a serious relationship - as I am looking for one. So he knows that the only reason for coming back is seeing him. We have seen each other yesterday, we had fun time together. When I asked him when we will see each other again, he couldn't answer - while he has a lot of plans with friends and family already planned for the next weeks, he cannot plan ahead our dates (the first 2 were organized this chaotic way as well, always last minute, and postponed/cancelled). Soon is his birthday, is preparing for weeks to celebrate with friends. I asked him when we can celebrate together and he didn't even care. I told him that even if he doesn't want to celebrate it with his friends, I would love to do it just we two. But he didn't even expressed interest in the idea and thinks is too soon for me to celebrate together with his friends.

    In addition, I also noticed that he received a message from ###### from someone, so it is probably that he is still talking with others. While we didn't settle anything down about being monogamous, after telling him that I am looking for a serious relationship, and I can even scarify that for the cost of flying to see him, feels unfair that he is still chatting with others. I do not expect that we become life-long partners after 3 dates, but I would expect that at least if I express all of this, he would at least not try to engage with others as well and respect me that much that he would

    It does not feel right for me, but I am very curious what do you think? What are your experiences? Is this guy looking only for sex? We had it on our second date, and on the last 2/3 of time spent together was about sex.

    Thank you for your advice!

    Both of us are in early 20'.
     
    #1 seekf2, Jan 7, 2023
  2. resu

    resu
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    Remember you can only control your behaviors, not anyone else’s. Some people will say they are serious just to have more options when “playing the field.” I think it’s important for everyone to be honest with their desires, including being non-monogamous. And since this guy knows how to plan his birthday, he has no excuse for not planning dates.

    I think you should just ask him directly if he is ready for a serious relationship, and his actions suggest no. He is not your only chance at love! I think it would help for you to think about where you want to live and work because you then can start looking in that area for new dates. And as you gain experience, you will be less likely to stay stuck with fickle guys.
     
    #2 resu, Jan 7, 2023
    seekf2 likes this.
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