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Coping with bisexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Spaceseed, Sep 4, 2021.

  1. Spaceseed

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    Hi everyone ,

    I was wondering what are your thoughts on sublimation as a way of coping with bisexuality in a monogamous heterosexual relationship?

    I mean at the end of the day what matters most is not being in denial right ?

    I slowed down weed , porn , alcohol, and i realized it was making me a bit hocd, but nevertheless I do feel a good 30% bi or trans (or both) but not enough to justify pursuing or transitioning or making any drastic change to my life according to my own boundaries , the complexity of my psyche, plus I’m in a straight relationship.

    I use art , sports and plethora of hobbies that I haven’t really pursued since I dug into my sexuality this past year.

    I have had fun , learned a lot , realized major things about our society /people /the world etc …it has been eye opening to say the least !

    but it also has left me quiet depressed , ocd, isolated and mostly unproductive at the end .
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Sublimation by definition is not coping.

    Deciding to be monogamous is a decision and it is one that can be made by anyone of any orientation. Many people who are bisexual can stay in a monogamous relationship, it is no different from being straight and deciding to only be with one person.

    Accepting the truth is only the first step. Until you actually start acting on a subject you will not make any progress. Thus, you can admit that you are hungry but you will not stop being hungry until after you get some food and eat it.

    Then the correct thing to do would be to get into therapy and possibly on medication.
     
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  3. Spaceseed

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    “Deciding to be monogamous is a decision and it is one that can be made by anyone of any orientation. Many people who are bisexual can stay in a monogamous relationship, it is no different from being straight and deciding to only be with one person.”

    I guess the issue is more that I may be polyamorous at heart , always ending up stuck in monogamous relations more than an orientation issue.
     
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  4. masterofnone

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    listen idk for sure but the way you describe things it doesn’t sound like you have ocd (specifically the subset of hocd)…
     
  5. BiGemini87

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    Basically what @QuietPeace said: sublimation isn't really coping; it's more like diverting, which I think is probably why you've been so unhappy. Rather than dealing with the problem head-on, you've compartmentalized it and distracted yourself with other hobbies. I'm not criticizing, just observing. We all do what we feel we must in order to get through a rough patch, and what you're doing isn't uncommon, really. I think most anyone can relate in some respect or other.

    I don't know your whole story, so take this with a grain of salt: but if you feel you're more polyamorous at heart, perhaps this is something you need to discuss with your partner. I can't say they'd be amenable to the idea, and nor would they be wrong if they're not comfortable with it--but maybe simply putting it out there will alleviate some of what you're experiencing.

    If therapy is a viable option for you, I do encourage it. Could I afford it, I certainly would.
     
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  6. Spaceseed

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    Like a member before said ocd and gender orientation are not exclusive , but I do also test myself a lot when questioning. I haven’t brought much of that yet but do see patterns of ocd in other departments of my life. I’m
    Also an over thinker. I’m
    Open to whatever interpretation , and really appreciate everybody’s feedback, I never had a chance to talk to the lgbt community before. Anyhow as advised above I will take my butt to therapy , it can be hard to express oneself in written words vs verbally .
     
  7. Spaceseed

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    In an ideal world where I’m unleashed I would have a plethora of wifes and a couple dudes, but in reality I don’t think that’s doable .

    I meant to say I dropped all my activities this past year as a result of challenging myself and digging through , and now that I ( try to ) cut back on addictions , I’m way happier , less worried and want to be more active in my life , it’s rather a positive thing and I feel motivated again.

    I think it is step one of anyone especially guys , who are questioning in here , dropping porn /weed/addictions and try to lessen anxiety, to see clearer, I think we can all agree on that.

    I’m keeping all options open but with a healthier approach.
     
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  8. masterofnone

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    what do you mean by ocd and gender orientation?
     
  9. BiGemini87

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    Ah, I misunderstood. I thought your anxiety and depression had worsened as a result. But it's good to hear you're doing better since making these choices and that it's given you some clarity. Regardless of whether you ever get to explore a polyamorous dynamic, I hope you achieve true happiness and fulfillment. :slight_smile:
     
  10. Sadness

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    When he said that ocd and orientation are not exclusive i think he meant that someone can be gay/bi and at the same time have ocd. Which in fact i agree.
     
    #10 Sadness, Sep 6, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2021
  11. masterofnone

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    yes obviously someone can be gay/bi and have ocd but i don’t think they’d be obsessing over whether they’re gay or not… usually the other way around actually. obsessing whether they’re straight or not
     
  12. Sadness

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    I know some people like this too, but i think he is talking about someone who has obsession about whether he/she is gay/lesbian/bi and in fact they are. Thats what he meant by saying that ocd and orientation are not exclusive. Sometimes i believe that, but i dont know of these people arent in fact just thinking they have some type of ocd. But with the way sexuality is complicated i can see something like this happening. Someone having ocd about being gay ans in fact that person is.