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Conversation with friend re: sexuality - opinions please!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Mugwump, May 19, 2009.

  1. Mugwump

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    I was talking to a (straight) male friend the other night about the possibility that I like girls over guys (bit of an uncomfortable conversation, really), and he said some things that got me confused. He was saying that many straight girls think that male anatomy is unattractive, and think that women are more attractive. Is he fibbing? Maybe women just find HIS unattractive!! :lol: He said that most girls are less visually oriented than males, and so it is more difficult for us to know who we find attractive until we actually try things out. I haven't so much as kissed anyone of either sex, and I don't think I'm about to go find a guy and a girl to practice on! But surely, if the idea of sex with a woman appeals much more than with a guy, then that's pretty straight forward? Everytime I get closer to thinking I have it figured out, something happens to make me doubt myself. What do people think about my friend's comments?
     
  2. Greggers

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    I think your friend is about as totally wrong as socks with sandals.

    I have had alot of straight female friends over the years, and they seem to like to talk to me about things like sex and attractions and such. They are all so totally and madly in love with the male body its not even funny. I dont know a straight woman that does not like a penis or two heh :wink: Thats what makes them straight! If your not attracted to men, well guess what your not straight.
     
  3. Scentedcandle

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    In going though the same thing, I always thought i was straight untill i got to an age were i startd having sex(with guys) and relised that im not attracted to the male body at all,
    It just grosses me out, but the female body on the other hand :grin:
    I do kinda agree with the fact that most girls would like to look at a naked gurl than guy?? Well the girls i know anyway!
    I dont think you have to try things to know. Its somthing you feel inside and it can change!
     
  4. Maddy

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    Most straight girls I know seem pretty passionate about liking the male body :lol: What I can say with certainty is that you can be sure about your sexuality without ever having been physical with anyone, guy or girl. If the idea of sex with a girl is so much more appealing than sex with a guy, then that's the way you are, and having sex with a guy or with a girl won't change that.
     
  5. xequar

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    LOL socks with sandals!

    But seriously, yeah, you don't need to "try both" to know which you like. If you think you don't like men all that much, well, you probably don't like men all that much. As a man, I didn't need to sleep with a woman to know that I wasn't interested, and I didn't need to sleep with a man to know that I wanted to.
     
  6. silas99

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    I think your friend is wishful thinking.....I cant imagine a hunky boy with a six pack and pecs thinks women dont look at his body. I can see the attractiveness in a man; muscles and sweat and strength....and I can see how girls are drawn to that, but alas I have never experienced any of that. I havent met one girl who loves the look of a penis though...its so bloody ugly (sorry guys). Notice how all male pictures have the shlong well and truely covered up. But one of my friends told me his body was like a flashy sports car. Beautiful exterior with an engine the size of a beast and then some chav goes and ruins it by putting a spoiler on the back! I couldnt stop laughing when he told me that.
     
  7. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    That idea about women being "less visually oriented" than men, and therefore somehow probably attracted to men even if male anatomy gicks them, has been going the rounds for while and is a load of crock. Women are visually attracted to things which they find - guess what? - visually attractive. That's why Zac Efron, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp et al are so popular - straight women like to stare at men just the same as straight men like to stare at women. What do you think the Chippendales are for? Certain straight men like to pedal the whole "women aren't visually oriented" thing, firstly because women tend to be less excited by porn (I suspect this is more to do with the deep misogyny and male-oriented situations in porn than any unattraction to visual stimuli), and secondly, because it makes them feel better about not trying with their appearance and looking crap. "Oh it's fine, it doesn't matter if I just wear the same shirt for a month and never wash my hair: women aren't visual like that, it doesn't matter!" It goes along with the entire paradigm that women are in the world to look pretty, that's their intrinsic job and even women find each other more attractive; whereas making themselves look attractive is beneath men and women should sleep with them even if they resemble a skunk's backside.

    As far as I can tell, if you like men, you will experience a physical attraction to a least a few of them. Not all, obviously, but if you've never been interested in the prospect of getting down with a man, then I'd say you don't sound very straight. "if the idea of sex with a woman appeals much more than with a guy, then that's pretty straight forward" - I agree totally. Follow your own feelings, not the defensive ramblings of some clueless guy.
     
  8. Markio

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    He's a guy, right? How does he know how women feel sexually? Has he taken a sexual psychology class or something?
     
  9. Mugwump

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    LOL, he has trained in psychology...still don't think that makes him understand how we feel. But he's slightly more convincing than other guys might be.
     
  10. Chip

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    Maybe he's just lousy with his communication skills. It has been said that <begin broad generalization> women tend to be wired to have a stronger attraction to emotional things -- personality, nurturing characteristics, caring, etc -- while men tend to be wired more toward physical attraction. <end broad generalization>

    There seems to be evidence to support this idea, though there are a million exceptions to it, particularly among gay men.

    As far as you and your attraction is concerned though, I don't think his information was very helpful. One of the simplest things to look at is what are your sexual fantasies about? When you masturbate or have sexually-oriented dreams, do you think more often about girls or guys? If it's clearly one or the other, then that's usually a pretty good answer, though I've definitely talked to gay guys who were remarkably adept at convincing themselves they were fantasizing about women when they really weren't, so if you have a strong mental aversion to being gay, it's possible your mind might try to second-guess itself.

    And... I do know of a number of hetero women who think penises are funny looking. In fact, one friend of mine had the experience of getting naked for the first time in front of a new girlfriend and having her laugh at his penis, not because anything was wrong about it, but just because she'd never seen one! Fortunately, he was pretty comfortable with himself and it didn't have any effect on his esteem. So I think your friend could have at least something of a point.
     
  11. Mugwump

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    The tricky thing about me is that I think my discoveries were all in the wrong order... I didn't think one day "hmmm, I seem to find women attractive - maybe I'm a lesbian". Instead, it went something like... "I'm not aware of being anything other than straight but I have never been attracted to anyone" to "I must be asexual - which means I must like men and women equally because I'm not sexually attracted" to "maybe I like women", to "actually yep, women are good" :slight_smile: If I have had decided I liked women before deciding I might be a lesbian then I would have doubted myself less. Also, I have only VERY recently fantasized about anything (which involved women), and I only discovered masturbation about 2 months ago! Maybe I'm just a bit delayed... Sorry for the rambling.
     
  12. Lexington

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    Well, guys do have those weird dangly bits between their legs there. And objectively, yeah, they look kind of weird. But I do love playing with them. :slight_smile:

    I do think male and female attractiveness is different. Women are "beautiful", guys tend to be "handsome" or "stunning". When guys are considered "beautiful", it's quite often because they have some feminine traits. That said, I think your friend is (to put it bluntly) talking out of his ass. I don't think there's some sort of "anti-male part" prejudice on your part making you think you may be a lesbian. In fact, his words sort of sound like psychological doublespeak for "you just need a guy to fuck you to show you how good it is". More polite, but still. :slight_smile:

    Lex