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Confused about sexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by keepsonraining, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. keepsonraining

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    So I've thought I was bisexual or pansexual for a few years, but now I'm not actually sure if I like guys or not. Which is kind of coming as a shock, since I've mainly had relationships with guys, and I've been in love with a guy before (but that was a long time ago).

    But I realized a while ago that I don't find guys attractive... I can tell when guys are cute or not, but it's more of an objective thing than actually being interested in them. I also get these schoolgirl crushes on guys all the time, where I'll think they're sort of cute and get really nervous around them, but if I try to envision us actually dating, I'll be really disturbed. I'm not sure I'd never date a guy, though; I still feel sort of pansexual in that I don't think gender would matter to me if I liked someone enough.

    ...So basically, I have no idea if this means I like guys or not. Help?
     
  2. Sylver

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    Well, it sounds like you might be bisexual, or you might be discovering that you're a lesbian, or all or none of the above. Like others say with frequency here, don't feel obligated to label your sexuality until and unless you're good and ready to do so. Enjoy the discovery process for what it's worth and don't bring any hang-ups into it. Time will reveal what gender(s) you are attacted to, and it's whatever makes you happy that will ultimately be right for you! :thumbsup:
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi there! Welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    Sexual identities are fluid and they can change over time. Sometimes it can take a while before one becomes fully aware of ones sexual identity and feelings. I would suggest, try not to label yourself at this point (if ever), and just go with the flow so to speak. Allow yourself to explore all your feelings.

    If you see someone and think to yourself "she or he is cute" pause for a second. Already that can sometimes give you a clue as to where the pull is. Now, you have already identified something important in trying to understand yourself better. You have already realized that at times there is a physical attraction or a 'real interest' lacking, while at other times, you have perhaps stronger feelings for a guy. I think these are clues that are worth exploring deeper and further.

    I would also suggest maybe try talking with people that have gone through similar experiences. Talking about/sharing experiences and listing to others about their experiences can really help in figuring things out. Sometimes, having the ability to relate and being able to place ones own experiences, thoughts and feelings into context can provide additional insights. At the same time, having others to talk to and to share experiences can also be a great confidence booster because at some level you will be able to tell yourself that "if he/she was able to go through that and figure things out, so can I." And that can be very important during your coming out process.

    Not sure if you are in school/college but if you are maybe look into finding a LGBT group at school. Should your school not have one, maybe try finding a nearest PFLAG chapter or a LGBT support group in your community. Usually they are very safe and welcoming places and places where you can be yourself.

    Stick around on EC as well. Maybe try to get to know a few members. That can also be of great help.

    But do take your time in figuring things out.

    I hope this helps a bit!
     
  4. Holmes

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    From my own experience, I find sexuality was fluid up until the past year, where it seemed to settle very clearly at gay. About three years ago, I had a girlfriend, and it was a meaningful relationship, but now I can't imagine myself going out with a girl before. I had the same thing you describe (tho the other way round), of having thought before certain girls were cute, or hot, or feeling an emotional rush, but now not getting that at all.

    Not every gay person goes through a period of bisexuality, for some it's clearer from early on that they're definitely gay. I found it frustrating at times, that I was sure I was gay, and then came across a girl I got on with and thought I liked. But that happened less and less. I think if you find yourself much more predominantly liking girls, you'll probably eventually settle that way.

    Doesn't mean that you should ignore something if things are really going well with a boy though.
     
  5. if i had a dime

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    I went though something similar to you are going though. You have to let it play out in your mind and in your heart. As Mirko said dont try to label it right now dont be concered with saying Im a lesbian or Im bisexual, just be open to everybody. It will become clear eventually. It took me 2 years to say that Im a lesbian. So dont worry it will all come together :slight_smile:
     
  6. keepsonraining

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    Thanks for all the advice! That was reassuring... I'd never thought of sexuality as fluid before, but that makes sense (and explains a lot). Even since I wrote this post, I feel less attracted to guys, so I think maybe my sexuality's just changing.

    @Mirko, I know there's an LGBT group at my school, but I'm at a small college that's mainly conservative/Christian, so I'm hesitant about joining. I'll try to find some way to reach out, though.
     
  7. Johnnieguy

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    I wish people would stop referring to sexuality as "fluid". You may find both sexes attractive at different points in your life, but calling sexuality fluid just gives ammunition to conservatives to use against us-for them to be able to say we can change "if we really want to."

    Join the GLBT group if you would like to-if you feel comfortable doing it. Even if it is small, and you make friends there but lose friends at school from outside the group, it's worth it. If conservative people can't treat you like a human being who deserves equal treatment, then they aren't very nice people, and don't deserve to be a part of your life.
     
  8. x2x2x2x2y2

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    Ive recently started wondering if im bisexual. I know 100% that im attracted to guys, but im not sure if i like girls or not. I have never dated girls(or guys for that matter) so i wanna give it a shot before i settle down.

    If i am bi, then im leaning more towards gay. As of now, I identify myself as gay leaning towards bi.
     
  9. adam88

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    Bisexuality is hard to pin down sometimes. I get crushes on everybody of all sexes (even the in-betweens sometimes), but physical attraction veers mainly toward females. Some days feel gayer than others. I'm kinda learning to just roll with it. :slight_smile: