The coming out group is fantastic. I really feel like I can be who I really am and talk about what's really on my mind. The last time I went I was terrified, but now I'm not. I still feel a need for a label and worry that I shouldn't use the label "lesbian" but that's one of the things I can talk about there. The facilitator is nice and the other women there are too. But I'm not sure I'm going to make any friends there. I don't mean that's bad - I'm not really there to make friends, but I don't have friends and I'd like to have some. I have a hard time interacting with people in real life. In the group itself it's OK because there are topics to discuss and a facilitator keeping the conversation going, but I wouldn't know how to approach anyone after the group and just say "Hi." It's not that I'd be worried they would think I was coming on to them. I just wouldn't even know where to start.
So happy to hear that you are having a great time with your group. That is truly amazing! I would honestly invite you to talk about this with your group. Talk about how hard it is to make friends, that sometimes it feels unnatural, and that you do wish you had more people to call friends. Its a scary thing, but man its worth putting yourself out there. If you do that in your group, you will be giving people permission to help you out. You will let them know "listen, people. I'm awkward and don't really know how to do this, but I'm here and I'm ready to hang out" I can almost guarantee you that there will be some people there with the same dilemma or who have been through this before. Some will reach out to you just because of this or to help you through it. Just have to bite the bullet. I'm the same way. I used to struggle to make connections with people, and it was mostly because I was trying to socialize like extroverts socialize. I wanted to be able to "own the room" and just be the friendly person who invite people to dinner, makes amazing plans, and just has so many people coming out to them, but that is just simply now how I work best. I socialize now by making sure everyone around me knows that I'm open to a connection with them if they so like. I will be here to listen to your stories, laugh at your jokes, and be here when you need some company. The way you do that is by letting people know you are open to that. Think about it. How will other people know that you want friends? How will they know the difference between a shy person or a person who rather people leave them alone? Its also way more intimidating to approach a new person if you don't clearly know they will be receptive. So things I learned to do in social events: 1) When you come into a group of people, make eye contact and say hi to people sitting next to you. Do it immediate when you sit down. All you have to do is say "hi" and that is it. No one is expecting more, but you saying hi tells other people that you are there and open for conversation. 2) If you are in the mood, introduce yourself and learn about other people. If you don't like small talk then skip it and go right in for the deep stuff. Questions like "What was the best part of your day?" will allow you to connect to people way faster and allows you to talk less than "How was your day?". Learn to ask the right questions. You might be bad and making conversations last, but its a skill so you can learn it. This is the reason why some hosts suck at interviews and some are great. Start bu studying your favorite talk host and see how they transition conversations, how do they start them, and how do they end them. 3) As scary as it sounds, be as honest and vulnerable as you can. Its way less taxing to be honest than to try and play it cool. If you are nervous, say so. If you are excited, say so. Some people will not be able to connect, but some will. And those are the people that you want to try and find. So keep at it!
