I’m 20 years old, and have identified as trans-masc non-binary for about three years now. I’m at the point in my life where I am considering top-surgery and for a big decision like that i feel like I should talk it through with my parents, but I we never actually told them I’m trans. me and my mom have a fairly open relationship, However as much as I love my parents they don’t really understand what being nonbinary is. I have several close friends that are nonbinary, so they are familiar with the concept, but whenever they talk about my enby friends they just jump to using different, but still incorrect pronouns (ex she to he, or he to she). They definitely make an effort but it ends up being a whole thing when I try to explain it to them repeatedly. At this point I am just considering telling them I’m a trans man, because I am very masculine and it’s something they would be more supportive of. I don’t mind he/him pronouns and at this point I just want them to see me as something other then their daughter if that makes sense. I feel like I need to tell them soon and that I’ve already waited too long, but what can you do. Any advice would be appreciated.
Welcome to EC. It sounds like you're dealing with everything quite well. When you come out to your parents then I would caution you not to overwhelm them with too much information at once. Break it up into multiple coming out conversations. Come out as trans - few weeks later tell them your non binary - few weeks later tell them about transition surgery. Something like that. I think it will be less of a shock and easier for them to adjust their expectations. Also use assertive language that is not open ended. Don't tell them you're considering different things about your sexuality or considering top surgery. This is my sexuality and I will be going through with surgery in the near future. I have already started the process and have a date set. No ifs, ands, or but's. This is happening whether you're on board or not.
Aceofsky.....I usually catch people when they make their first post in the "Welcome Lounge" but I missed you there, so I'll catch back up to you here! *****Hello and a big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent! ) when that becomes necessary! This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out, join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBTQ folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. *****I'm sure that you have watched trans youtubers...but just in case, here are some favorites of mine that you might like: FtM: Alex Bertie, Jammidodger, Noah Finnce, Luke Wale, Sam Collins, Ty Turner, Dakota Aspen. *****If you don't mind He/Him pronouns then your probably best to go with trans man when you explain this to them. You might also want to consider using a letter when the time comes to tell your parents. A big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can sometimes be difficult. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality, perhaps for years…giving them at least some time to think about it too only seems fair! There are some great sample coming out letters here on Empty Closets that could be a big help to you. You can edit the letter(s) to fit your situation. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! You can then use the letter as a "script" for when you do come out face-to-face. Check out the letters (see below)...they could be a real help! *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your parents and/or friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're trans?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal depending upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or six probable questions with the answers already planned, you will likely be perceived as a more mature, serious person. *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you! Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. …..David
