(Cliche) In love with friend

Oh, thank you! I'm happy for me too! Don't worry, although I am the most interesting person I know, haha, I've only ever really had two big discussions about my own ongoing turmoil. I much prefer to listen to him talk to me, and give advice in any way I can. I could just listen to him speak for days... He could read out the phone book and I'd listen enthralled!

 

Thanks guys, you are just so sweet. You don't know how much this means to me...

I'm a little bit upset tonight... We had a wonderful deep and meaningful, must have sent five hundred texts in one night. He said some amazingly sweet things about me... I'd been a bit scared that he was drifting away a little bit, but I'm not worried at all now. In fact, today was probably the first time in a long one that he was the one who reached out to me (usually I'm the clingy one). I think he really is craving human contact. His friends are still being awful, not mean really, just excluding him from a lot of stuff. And we talked a lot about how he is trying really hard to come to terms with his feelings about his ex... I am happy to help in any way I can, but it is a little bit hard for me to talk with him about how much he misses this guy when I feel so strongly about him... Anyway, because I can't stab to anyone, especially him, upset, I was crying a little tonight. I just want him to be okay. I don't care about myself, or even about us, I just want him to feel alright. Knowing that he is emotional... I can't bear it. I feel his pain.

 

Okay, this isn't an update per se, but I just spent twenty minutes staring at a picture of him, so I just want to describe him here, also so you guys can get a picture of him. I'll also describe myself, because I'm a narcissist at heart!

First of all, he is swoon worthy level handsome. I can't choose a favourite feature, but his eyes would have to be up there... they are the softest, warmest shade of brown that you'll ever see, eyes you can drown in. He always has a little spark in his eye, the softest little twinkle. His lashes are long and coal black. They flutter! I just want to kiss them so badly. He has a lovely strong jaw, nice high cheekbones, and the most kissable, generous mouth. His teeth are straight and perfect. His prude and joy is his hair, which is always nice and short, always with just the right amount of gel in it. It's so soft as well, like gossamer silk. He has glasses, and I have spent hours before thinking if he looks better with or without them on, so I won't get into that here! His hands (a particular preference of mine, I appreciate nice hands) are beautiful, with long fingers and creamy skin. And he has the cutest tuft of chest hair! He either has the biggest, most beautiful smile on his face, or is sad and dark and smouldering. It is almost worth it seeing him sad sometimes, he's so very handsome when he's upset! I'm sure that he has physical flaws as well, but I don't think it is possible for me to point them out. To me, he is the most handsome, sexiest man who has ever lived. When people ask me who the best looking guy in the world is, I say Ryan Gosling and think of him.

I don't think I'm too bad to look at myself either. I must say, I have nice eyes, very fickle, sometimes green, sometimes blue, sometimes almost purple. He compliments me on my eyes... I have soft, delicate features, what some might call cute, what a fabulous friend once called aristocratic. Small, plump pink lips, curved chin, clear, smooth neck, deeply hooded eyes, high forehead. Good skin; I take great pride in my skin! I have blond hair, and am very pale. My worst facial feature would be my ears, which are very large. Body wise, I'm lean and skinny, a bit above average height wise, pretty hairless. It sounds vulgar, but I have often been complimented on my ass as well, haha.

Sorry for the boring descriptions, it's venting for me! We're going to a concert tomorrow, so I'll report back when I get back!

 

@ WhiteShadows: Yeah, we're both at school together still. It's a shame though, I only see him in homeroom and history. He thinks my friends don't like him, and I legitimately dislike his friends, so we can't hang out at lunch. But history class with him is always wonderful. He'll draw beautiful little sketches, and we will just chat and giggle for the whole lesson. I have my eyes on him the whole time, and it is just wonderful to be close to him.

I'm happy to just be there for him as a friend, but I think about him all day, every day. When we go up to the coast, hopefully he'll be feeling a bit better about his ex. I just want to know if he thinks that we could ever work out. There are three options then. 1: we fall into each others arms and share a romantics kiss on the beach. 2: he says that he still isn't ready for another relationship, and I keep wishing and hoping and praying and dreaming. 3: he says he doesn't think he will ever want to be with me romantically, we stay friends, and I try to move on.

We are pretty physically close. I have massive issues with personal space and trust, but those were never really there with him. We'll hug if one of us is upset, touch each others arms and hands, sometimes just squeeze each others shoulders. I just feel safe and warm when I touch him.

@ Mane92: thank you! My favourite photo of us together is us on a bus, both asleep, me just leaning gently on his shoulder. He is so beautifu when he's asleep.

 

@ Blayde: thank you so much, you are too kind! Nope, still in high school, only a year to go now really. I do love to write. Some people are good at painting, or music, or signing; I have a way with words, you might say. I write a little bit, short stories, fanfic, a lot of poetry. It is the only way I can express myself; the only way I can show the world what I feel in my heart.

@ user123456: I do love him, so very much. He just emanates light and life; I can't help but feel happy when I'm near him. Also, is it weird to kiss the photo of your crush? Because I do. A lot.

I'm super excited for the concert tonight. It will be great just to have some time to ourselves. There are a couple of songs that I'm going to have to stop myself from kissing him when I hear though. I'll probably just be looking at him the whole night anyway! I'll tell you guys all about it later tonight; wish me luck!

 

@ ClimbHikeBike: I have two great blessings in this situation. Number 1: I know that we'll stay friends no matter what happens, which is a big relief. Number 2: he is bi, for which I am eternally grateful. If I had these feelings for a straight guy I would be completely devastated. Best of luck to you with your crush! He would be a lucky man to have you!

---------- Post added 7th Sep 2014 at 03:18 AM ----------

The concert was amazing. The performers were great, really funny guys (hot as well), happy to have a joke with the audience. And the music was just great... all my favorute songs were played, so I walk away a very happy camper.

As for my crush... *sigh*. The sexual tension is palpable. It was standing room only, mad pretty packed, so I was standing right behind him the whole time. He was leaning into me, I swear. He smelt absolutely wonderful, and felt nice and warm, which is a blessing, because it was pretty cold and wet. We even got a comment as to what a cute couple we were... I laughed it off, but I just had this knot in my stomach. There was one point that I thought I should have kissed him. In the middle of our favourite song he just looked over at me and smiled. He leaned towards me, but I just stayed put. I'm probably reading too much into it. But he looked supremely kissable tonight, very suave!

 

Sorry guys, I've been so busy. I'll post an update soon!