Came out, officially?

Is the debt on the cards just your debt, or is it family debt?

You're right, and I apologize if my question was condescending. I didn't intend it to be. Many parents, for a variety of reasons, have told their adult kids at 18 that they're going to be on their own now that they are adults. It is survivable. But you do need full time work.

Can you get a second job? I agree that the amount of money you make a month would be extremely challenging. You do need to make more money.

I'm really sorry. You didn't say before that conversion therapy was a requirement for living there. There are websites dedicated to conversion therapy survivors. Check out Conversion Therapy Survivors for resources and information.

How bad it affects you is unique. It depends upon the person doing the therapy and on you and your ability to handle it. Some people have had extremely negative reactions, while most say it didn't work - meaning it never took away their same-sex desires. Some of those say that there were aspects of it that helped them with their own confidence and understanding of their sexuality. A few say they were cured.

The use of conversion therapy on minors is banned in the states of Vermont, California, New Jersey, Illinois and Oregon, as well as the District of Columbia.

The use of conversion therapy is discredited by the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Counseling Association, and every United States Surgeons General since 2000.

The following is a conclusion reached by researchers Shidlo and Schroeder in a 2002 study.

While not everyone who undergoes conversion therapy is harmed, it certainly looks like the vast majority suffer some harm, and some suffer great harm. Perhaps you can gather information for your parents and see if you can get them to see that conversion therapy just simply doesn't work, and may very well harm you for life. Do they really want that?

Learning to live alone is actually a good thing. You'll get to know yourself better without all the influences of your parents. However, I would actually recommend that you be able to live with roommates, because you wouldn't be physically alone and you can share living expenses. Are there people you know that you could join in a shared apartment or house? This is your best option if you can do it.

Dwight, I also want you to know that If you end up having to do conversion therapy to survive, we can figure out together how to survive it. Stay in touch with us and keep posting!

(*hug*)

 

I have to tell you that conversion/reparative therapy does not work. It never has and never will. It's just a load of hokum with no basis in science and it has been thoroughly and comprehensively discredited.

Homosexuality is not a mental health issue and the overwhelming majority or therapists and psychiatrists will not sully their professional reputation by participating in programs that have zero chance of success. It therefore falls to religious extremists to play around with human emotions, employing techniques that range from the laughable to dangerous.

A couple of years ago a gay doctor from the UK - Dr Christian Jessen - went undercover to expose the myths of conversion therapy. He secretly recorded 5 or 6 different techniques that would supposedly rid him of his homosexual tendencies and none of them came close to working. The worst technique was intended to shame him by inducing vomiting and loss of bodily function.

For nearly forty years an organisation called Exodus International attempted to "repair" people of their homosexual tendencies until finally admitting defeat in 2013. They wasted millions of dollars in the process. Upon closing, the Exodus President issued this statement of apology:

(The statement was actually much longer and you can read it all online if you wish, but this is the key point - an admission of failure and an apology for the harm caused).

So I say to you again that conversion/reparative therapy is discredited, harmful and pointless. Never, should a member of our community willingly enter one of these programs and they should resist any effort to send them too.

If the relationship with your parents has broken down completely and your safety and security is at risk I would urge you to find somewhere else to stay. If it isn't at all possible, it may be necessary to back track for the time being to avoid a terrible outcome and plan a way to come out again in future when you are in a stronger and more stable position.

 

What is your plan? Will you have a place to stay?

 

In addition to all of the above resources mentioned, another one I wanted to point out is the GLBT Community Center of Colorado, located right there in Denver. It may be a small drive to get there, depending where you are exactly, but most community centers have a lot of resources available for people. To start, every one I have visited in person has had free counseling available for LGBT folks. In addition to simply having ways to connect with others around you, they may have other ways to help out, and will be a good bet for hooking in to other local resources too. Give them a shot!