I am feeling suicidal and want to put some of my current issues in this thread to get it off my heart. in general i feel like my life is wasted and already over im 28 and still broke, very few friends, always dreaming of who i want to be but never will be(not just being trans, but other things aswell) i have no skills and cant manage normal tasks i am too scared of people to talk to a doctor or similar person i have massive gender dysphoria i will probably never be able to come out or look like i want to i feel sad for more or less being alone i am overwhelmed by everything
Saskia.....Please remember that there are so many people out there that you have just not met yet! You may not have met your very best friends, who will stick by you for years. How about that very special someone who has been waiting to meet you and you have just not bumped into them yet? This sounds like a cliche, but it's the real, actual truth. There is so much yet to come in your life. I know this because I was like you. There was a time, a night when I almost did it. If I had I would have missed so very much that has happened since then. So many people, all of my time here on Empty Closets and all of the wonderful folks that I met here on EC. And even you! There is always a better way no matter how dark things seem to be...the darkness does not last forever! .....David.
It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed and lost at times, especially when dealing with things like gender dysphoria. Skills are something that you can develope over time. There are no age limit for studying new skills. Any progress takes time. You can start with something small and gradually raise the difficulty level. You can do it with learning new skill or even managing your social anxiety. If you break things into smaller more managable tasks, then it becomes easier and less overwhelming, but it's important to set goals and put them in the list of importance. What is most important for you to be handled first and what is least important, with what you can take your time. I know a big concern for you is social axienty and communicating with people, but you're not alone. We're here for you dear sister. Hugs
I have had extreme thoughts of suicide my entire life until last year. My very first memory is about suicide. What helped me to move forward was to accept all the pain, despair, embarrassment, regret and guilt Like every other emotion or feeling. Just like happiness, anger, joy, surprise, or sadness. There will always be good with the bad and vice versa. Accept all of it and own it. Take ownership and control back. It's Ok if you don't like yourself. Accept who you are now and slowly fall in love with the person you'll become. I still hate and loath certain parts of myself and it makes me sick despite how far I've come. But that is my pain and my sickness. Just because I feel bad doesn't make it wrong. Denying it would invalidate my past and my efforts to become better and move forward. Accepting the negative and positive realities in your life will allow you the chance to fight back and build towards your future. This change takes time and the path is long but I fall a little more in love with the person I want to become each day. So I challenge you to take everything you listed and make progress in each category one baby step at a time at your own pace. If you feel alone then treat yourself with patience and kindness. Be the role model, friend, and caretaker to yourself. Don't wait on others to enjoy life and yourself. What is one simple normal task you can improve on? Try talking a little more to the people you do know. What is something you can enjoy while you're alone?
i dont know, i dont really do anythin anymore. just work, lay in bed until i sleep and then go to work again. I dont even have interests in hobbys anymore.
You're saying anymore, but it means you used to did have hobbies. Maybe you can revisit your old hobbies and see, if somethings sparks new joy? I think you need some change from work and struggles.
And yet, here you are, on a site with people who can relate. To me that indicates hope mixed in with all the other negative feelings. 28 and feeling your life is wasted and already over. i'm not you and don't presume to know you, but i can see similarities in my own experience, maybe some of it will be meaningful. i lost pretty much everything at age 52 when i came out. i was part of a religious culture that disowned me when i came out, and that had been my whole life. my wife, kids, all rejected me. Additionally, the material wealth that i had accumulated, working my ass off since age 14, my former wife got all of that. All. She has a physical disability and i'd supported her for 31 years, so the courts decided i should support her the rest of her life. That meant alimony for life, or the small fortune i'd managed to earn up to that point (it was substantial, and everything material that i had). i was self made, so no college degree. At the same time i was separating from my wife, the business i had built and run 21 years for an absentee owner was sold to an international company and i found myself having to find a job in executive management in 2008 during an economic downturn. Things in the business world had changed in 21 years and to qualify to even apply for what i had done successfully for 21 years required a masters degree in business, which i didn't have. i lost my job on a Friday, went to interview at a school of nursing on Monday. Took the entrance exam on Wednesday, got accepted on Thursday and started school next quarter. 2.5 years later, i graduated with an RN license and $90K in dept. i took a night job making 1/4 of what i was accustomed to, total start over. i continued in school to get a BSN. One year later i had a BSN and a year of experience. The whole time, i was feeling very alone and depressed, but i was also doing stuff at the same time... not much different from you going to work then coming home an going to bed. i worked and did school, was alone and felt awful, sad, lonely and depressed. i was a new critical care nurse and afraid to go to work for the first year. Even though i felt overwhelmed most of the time, apparently i wasn't because i kept going to work. 10 years later, my loan is paid off, i will have my new house paid for in another 4 years, free and clear, and i have plenty of money to do whatever i want with. i don't know when or how the depression lifted, but it did. I'd speculate that if my life was not over at 52, yours is not over at 28... even though it may have felt that way to me, and feel that way to you.
