Ok, so I just wanted to put this out there-all of the weird, messed up things that have happened to me. I just want some help, anything would be useful. I have a brother who is three years younger than me. We moved to our current house when I was two and a half in order to have more space (we were in a really tiny house). I was quite a difficult child up until about third grade (mostly at school). Nothing important really happened until fifth grade. Around March or April of fifth grade, my dad died. All during elementary school, I had a lot of friends. I started out as sort of the "pet" of the popular group, but I worked my way up the social ladder, gaining friends all along the popularity spectrum. Then we started middle school. Suddenly, I had no friends. everyone I knew had sort of "dropped" me. I was more alone than ever. Most days, I ate lunch in a corner of the band room. Then I finally found a friend: let's call her Mary. Mary had just moved from across town. Now I was somewhat happy. Another aspect of my life: Bullies. There are some guys at my school who bully me non-stop. They call me ugly. They tease me about my weight. Anything I say around them, they use against me. If I tell them to stop, they just tease me more. If they mess up around me, it's my fault. Example: one of them trips in the hallway. Soon, I am in huge trouble for violently shoving them to the ground. No one believes me though-it's my word against theirs. And when there's six to ten of them, well, it's not really a fair fight. And, with my limited number of friends, no one can really stand up for me. Now, Mary is really into YouTube and fnaf. Unfortunately, I do not share these interests. She has found others who like these things, and I always feel left out. I am scared that I may lose her friendship. Also, my brother is a total horror. He calls me names like "bitch" and "fat" and "fucking asshole". He tells me to kill myself, that no one likes me, and that he hopes I die. He likes to bully people into getting what he wants. He can be so nice and sweet, then as soon as he isn't satisfied, he explodes. He threatens me very often. He'll grab anything lying around-a stick, a chair, a knife-and use it against me. My mom doesn't believe me either, so... And on top of all that, I am a closeted lesbian. I always liked girls, but I could never really identify this. I thought that I just hadn't found the right guy yet. Now I know and can be honest with myself about who I am. I want to come out but have very serious anxiety. I may be coming out to Mary soon, but need some advice. I was thinking about coming out sometime this weekend. Also, I recently reached out to one of the girls who "dropped" me. She said that we were still friends, even if we didn't talk that much. I didn't tell her this, but I was basically thinking "Well this could have been helpful a while ago when you ignored me and made me sit in a bathroom stall crying my eyes out because I had no friends and the entire world was against me" But, this is also the girl I have had a crush on since forever(but she doesn't know), so I never really be mad at her. So here I am, in middle school, needing some advice. This certainly took a while to write, and I hope it pays off. Thank you so much for reading! Please just give me some advice, anything would help!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was also bullied in school. Ridiculed for my weight, and people made up stories of what I did (They said that I was masturbating in maths class and when they asked me why I do it, I told them that it's fun). It was a total lie, but everyone believed it. I had a lesbian friend, who always cuddled with me and so another story surfaced: I'm gay (It wasn't a lie but not the complete truth either). I got called fishfingers, a beast of a woman and many other hurtful things. I didn't react to any of those comments but they cut deep and I cried myself to sleep many nights. I was so ashamed that I didn't tell my parents. They only found out several years after I graduated. The thing you (and anyone else) must remember about bullies: They have issues, be it self-esteem or otherwise, and they bring other people down to make themselves feel and look better. They are usually troublemakers and not really on the teachers' favourites list. It's not nice to be bullied. It sucks, I know. But just remember that the silent treatment/no reaction is far better than speaking up and showing that their comments hurt you, even if it feels like you just want to die. I know it's easier said than done to ignore them, but it really works. It takes the power out of their words (The wind out of their sails) and it makes them look like the fools, not you. If they become physically abusive, it's best to seek help from a teacher or someone in authority for your own protection. But whilst it's only words, ignoring them works wonders. If they have even just half a brain, they will see that it no longer bothers you and they will stop, or at least be a little less harsh. They often fail at life. Very few of them are successful in their jobs or lives, because karma doesn't allow them to be. Remember this: Karma has no menu - you get served what you deserve. So just keep being awesome, and good stuff will come to you. Maybe not now, maybe not next year. But someday, something amazing will happen for you and make you forget all about this. And remember: You can always lose weight - they can't change their ugly faces and rotten souls. Hope that at least made you smile I don't really know what else to tell you but I hope this gave you something to think about, or at least made you feel less alone. I wish only good things for you. Hugs
