I'm starting to wonder whether I'm asexual or not. I am attracted to women and want to only be in relationships with women, I know this for a fact, but I'm not sure about my sexual needs in relationships I guess? I've always said I'm not a fan of hook-ups, that I'd rather have that connection first, because for me, sex is more about the emotional intimacy than the purely physical aspect. But looking back at my past relationships...most of the time I accepted to have sex to please my partner, because I knew it was something that they needed, and I only ever asked to be pleased when I needed a very intense sort of affection. For me, sex always meant a form of affection and I remember stating numerous times that the relationship would be the same for me, with or without the sex. Not to say I didn't enjoy it, it was just not a requirement or something I put too much weight on. This isn't a pressing matter, I'd be fine without another label, and it doesn't really matter in my personal life. I think I'm just curious about it now, because I can't relate to most people around me when it comes to sex and it would be nice to know why. Any advice? Any personal anecdotes you might be willing to share? Thanks
Ergo, you're not asexual. Asexual people don't feel any attraction to anyone. At all. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, Redstatic. Ever since I realised I'm trans (which is over 3 years now) my libido has been in deep freeze. But that's not because I'm asexual. It's just that my brain or body or possibly both hasn't been able to cope with sex whilst everything else in my life has been in a state of flux. This might be part of what you're feeling. One thing is for sure though, once you're able to get onto testosterone things will change for you. One of the major side effects of T is that it increases your libido - or so the trans men that I know say, anyway. Beth x
Redstatic.....Everybody does not have the same degree of sex drive. As you have mentioned, many people only feel comfortable with a sexual relationship when they have come to know the other person well. If you have not started testosterone, when you do that will also make a difference in how you feel about sexual relations. I had to start regular monthly T-Shots a number of years ago as my natural T level was very low. When the testosterone kicked in it was like going through puberty all over again! It was rough for a while until I was able to adjust! Anyway, I do not think that you are asexual at all, you just may have a low sex drive and that will probably change when you start T. .....David
That makes sense, thanks you two I'm glad to know this isn't an isolated experience. It feels weird being the odd one out in every social situation when we're talking about sex, not being able to relate to anyone, so that's why I was trying to find some sort of answer. I'll see how things develop after starting T
You sound like you just have a pretty low sex drive more than anything else. I’ve read a low dose T is occasionally prescribed off label to women with low sex drive. The sort of dose you’ll get if you want to transition is magnitudes higher, so I imagine the effect will be magnitudes higher too. Prepare to feel horny! Some other ideas here. https://www.insider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/high-sex-drive
