am i bigender, genderfluid or enby

It's inspiring how much resolve you have in figuring out your sexuality. But at the end of the day, labels are just labels. What matters most is who you are in contrast to what you are. Labels are great tools but not universal tools. Keep up the good work.

 

What body do you want and which anatomy are you more comfortable in? Anatomically people are either biologically male or female. Many people are comfortable in the body the way it is and are fine with living with the sex assigned at birth making them cisgender. Cisgender people can sometime be unhappy with certain parts of their appearance or gender to some extent. For example women disliking having their periods and men disliking balding or shaving every morning. The discomfort is small enough that they are still cisgender. Even cis people can be curious what it's like living as the opposite sex and sometimes wish they were the opposite sex because of benefits. E.g. male privilege, not having to deal with periods etc. But they are still comfortable enough in their body to not wanting to change their sex/gender.

Transgender people, both the binary and non binary ones, experience gender dysphoria which is more than just regular discomfort with their bodies. The discomfort may affect their daily life to a much greater extend that may increase the risk of depression and anxiety. When someone experience gender dysphoria they may feel like they either lacks a gendered body part, have a body part too much, have difficulty looking themselves in the mirror and other seeing their bodies as a gender they doesn't want to identify as. Being transgender and having some forms of gender dysphoria are related to their biological sex characteristics, not necessarily the gender roles itself. There are masculine women and feminine men out there who are cisgender people. A man liking makeup and a woman liking cars doesn't automatically make them trans.

There are binary and non-binary transgender people.
Binary trans man (Female to male) = Wants to have a male body. E.g. facial and body hair, deeper voice, male genitalia etc. Feels uncomfortable in a female body.

Binary trans woman (Male to female) = Wants to have a female body. E.g. breasts, curves and female genitalia. Feels uncomfortable in a male body.

Non-binary/enby = Anyone who experience some sorts of gender dysphoria, but doesn't want to have either a male or a female body. They wants either 1) be able to switch between a male and a female body on a daily basis 2) have a gender neutral body 3) a 3rd option/category. Non-binary people usually doesn't transition medically (HRT/surgeries) because there are no biological 3rd sex option to transition to. "Enby" is a slang for "non-binary".

Gender queer = Anyone who has a non-binary gender identity.

In the non-binary spectrum there are many categories. Some are:
Genderfluid = Doesn't identify as either a man or woman. Which body they are comfortable in varies from day to day or time period to time period. Sometimes they want one of the genders' body, but other times the other genders one.

Bigender = When someone identify as two genders. It resemble the genderfluid, but they want to clarify that it switches between two genders. E.g. someone sometimes want a female body one day and a male one another day. A genderfluid person that's not bigender may sometimes want to switch between female, male, a 3rd option and gender neutral.

Demigender = E.g. demi boy and demi girl. Anyone who for the most part are comfortable with being either a male or female, but not always. A demi girl is comfortable living as a woman and have a female body most of the time, but not all the time.

Agender = Someone who would be more comfortable having a gender neutral body.

In my opinion any transgender people, both binary and non-binary, do experience gender dysphoria to different degrees and it affects their daily lives. Their gender identity is important to them regardless if they transition medically or not. A cisgender person may be annoyed by typically female or male problems, but most days are fine. If you are fine with having the anatomy of your biological sex, it's a sign you are cisgender. If the sex characteristics cause great discomfort, you may be trans. Many cisgender people doesn't feel like a gender at all because they doesn't think about it. They just have the body they are born in and they just lives their life without thinking it's anything "wrong".

 

I thought I had a reasonable understanding of some of this but I learned a lot from this. Very clear, very helpful, thank you.

I have struggled to understand why someone would feel uncomfortable in their body, and perhaps that's because I never have. In that comfort I have, I don't think of gender per se. Please don't mistake my difficulty in understanding as a lack of support or empathy!

I dislike shaving so much I have a beard. Then I discovered that maintaining a well trimmed beard is almost as time consuming.

My Dad has rocked a Captain Picard look since his mid twenties, so when I didn't start having a receding hair line and the male pattern baldness until my late 30s, I felt I was winning.

 

Based on what @Littavhvert has said, it seems like you might be gender fluid and that might be why you can't pin it down, it's in flux. Perhaps some experimentation could help? Maybe try different appearances or blends of appearances?

I saw someone today who was dressed in heels, and a dress, but from the waist up had a very masculine presentation. I do not know how they identify, but I acknowledge an aesthetic appreciation of their appearance and the boldness of it.

 

This resonates with me. I like my body, there’s some small things I’d change but overall I am happy. I like the feminine-ness of it but also like that I have a little bit of muscle now, not that that’s a trait specific to men but a lot of people have that association and think that women shouldn’t have defined muscles. I don’t want to be a man but I do get jealous about what they are capable of. When young lads start at the gym I go to, they try to lift what I lift after years of training and they can’t do it, but after 3 months they do. After 6 months they're stronger than I'll ever be. I was moving some furniture with my fiance the other day, we have this really heavy set of oak drawers that only has a tiny edge at the top, I just didn't have the strength in my hands/fingers to lift my end from above, I didn't have the compressive strength to grip it with one hand around each side. I was about to take a drawer out of it so I had somewhere to hold it, and my fiance said "don't worry about it", then picked it up on his own from a squat, leaned back so he was balanced and then walked to the other room with it. He came back in with a big grin on his face, ugh. I was annoyed but also couldn't help being a bit impressed. If I had been born a man, I don't think I'd be unhappy about it. They definitely have a lot of advantages, but there's advantages to being a woman too.

Same. I have been uncomfortable about my looks before, in my teens more so than as an adult. But even when I was questioning my sexuality, I never gave a single thought to gender as something that can be variable or different from biological sex. And yet for some people, its clearly something thats very important, even more so than sexuality. I hope people like us asking questions isn't ever taken as us not being believing/supporting. I just feel like its something I don't understand as well as I could.