Those childhood friends that we have, and significantly later find out they are also some sort of LGBT as well. Or I know of numerous "best friends to lovers to bestfriends" folks from school, where later both of them have come out as something. Is it just statistically bound to happen? Or do closeted kids somehow attract other closeted kids? Some sort of signaling?(Especially those straight relationships with two gay people). Very curious of your experiences and of there is some sort of psychology behind it!
I think it’s statistically bound to happen. In my opinion, there are way more lgbt people than society cares to realize. The younger generation came out more/sooner the older generation and that’s why we seem to have more childhood friends come out as gay.
I don't think it's accidental at all. Something was brewing. Most people who are not Kinsey 0-1s, if using that system, seem to befriend people who are also not Kinsey 0-1s. There's an unspoken connection that is felt. Later, it might or might not become spoken.
I was part of an activist group that later dissolved. We were not focusing on LGBT issues, only about the environment. Later it turned out that pretty much all of us are LGBT. Maybe cishet people care less about the planet?
I think it's partly a "birds of a feather, flock together," thing. There is a video somewhere, probably on you tube, that shows a massive group of teens in a gymnasium who do not know each other. It was a science experiment I believe. They were left to loiter about and interact for a day. The results were very revealing. Somehow the cliques and friendships that formed were based heavily on visually hidden mutual interests ranging from musical tastes to drug use, and other hobbies. It's as if like minded people just gravitated towards each other even in a crowd large enough to make this sort of selectivity very difficult and unlikely to be pure happenstance. So it isn't surprising to find that there was some sort of unconscious LGBTQ+ connection. Like gaydar but in a "chemicals collide" sort of way.
I became friends with a guy in high school. Our mutual friends shipped us together. We tried to date. It failed hilariously. We later came out to each other. Originally he described himself as being only romantically attracted to women but romantically and physically attracted to men. He went on to date another girl which didn't work out. We later had a conversation where he came out to me again but this time as gay. He'd tried to make it work, but realised that he didn't like women in that way. Also it came out that whilst they were together, she'd been secretly making out with certain girls. So just a big ol' gay disaster in all directions.
I was definitely attracted to queer circles in high school and college, and they were very welcoming. I've been getting clocked since long before I had an answer as to why (it turned out I'm transgender!). I miss my old friends, they were such cool cats and truly cared about me. This caring often took the form of trying to figure/draw me out, which I'd retreat from. I just wasn't ready to be honest with myself or the world. Inside, I'd absolutely love it! I got an FB message a few years ago from an old high school acquaintance telling me that he had a huge crush on me, and he just needed me to know. All I wanted to do was say "And a big LGBTQ hello to you too!" but instead I had to lie and say that nope, his suspicion that I was (ahem) "at least bi" was incorrect. Technically I wasn't lying, because I'm not "at least bi." I'm a trans woman who likes women. But that was not the day I would be coming out as such.
Others probably thought I was queer but I only heard negative messages about it so nothing helpful from anyone. They probably thought I was phony and hated me for it but I didn't even know myself for too long. It's great for all you who had other queers around you
a bit of both assuming grossly that 1 person out of 10 is queer, then out of 100 persons you meet that would make 10 queer folks you'd have the occasion to bound with. add that you to tend to hang around people with similar habitus to yours and that a lot of it is interpreted unconsciously, you're likely to find your kind in a crowd. that's the sociological equivalent of a "vibecheck". you'll also tend to unconsciously gravitate towards your kind because it's easier to be yourself. I tend to have fewer and fewer cishet friends because it can be tiring, they often are really easy to offend so I have tone myself down a notch. When I was studying english in college, I somehow found myself hanging out with people that came for STEM fields like me. We just found each others. also reminds me of that time I met my cousin at a con with her girlfriend, she panicked and asked me not to tell our family... I simply answered I wouldn't if she didn't rat me out either lmao. that's statistics for you. I don't wanna assume but iirc, you don't live in a really queer-friendly environment. things can go several ways in these circumstances, either you already hang around queer people and you haven't found out because they're in the closet or because they're avoiding anything or anyone that seem queer out of fear of outing themselves. although it's really hard, remember that you're never truly alone, even in hiding. also, it sometimes only takes meeting one person to unlock a whole circle. most of the queers I see IRL, I met through one guy that I worked with for like a year that introduced me to someone, that introduced me to someone etc... do not lose hope my friend
The majority of my high school friend group has come out as queer since we all graduated over a decade ago. I think it's partially that we're subconsciously drawn to people similar to ourselves and partially the fact that queer kids often have similar interests. Theater. Writing. Art. Outsiders form their own social groups and queer kids are often outsiders, even if they don't know why.
Hello All.....I am a retired high school teacher. I came out here on Empty Closets in 2014 after I retired. However, I am not out publicly in the small town that I live in. Since I have retired I have been keeping a list of former students who have come out as LGBTQ+ and I now have over thirty names on it. I'm sure that there have been more, but that's what I have found through Facebook, etc. Only one or two were surprises to me! I have actually come out to a few of those on that list and it has been a serious surprise and shock to everyone that I've come out to! It's actually been a great experience reconnecting with those former students in a new way and sharing things from the years they were in my classes...now with a different view point for both of us! I can't help but think how much easier it would have been for both of us if we would have been able to be out and open instead of hiding for all of those years. My hope is that in the future all of the hiding, shame and depression caused by societies' rejection of the LGBTQ+ Family will finally go away...we can always hope. .....David
