Hello my names Nick I’ve struggled with being a homosexual years I’m 19 years old and I’m trying to come out but feel isolated and kinda ashamed to be gay I was wondering if anybody could give tips-advice I’ve tried to be straight didn’t work.
What helped me was to surround myself with allies or other lgbt people as much as possible, even if for me it was only online - this site, youtubers, twitter, etc. Having that support helped a lot, it made me feel normal and accepted. Eventually, i was able to come out to my dad as a lesbian via text b/c i had a strong feeling that he would be supportive (he was).
Hello I don’t have those options in my area there like 20-30 miles from where I live I wish I could have a support group.
No not like that. There aren't any LGBT centers near me either. I meant i have support online through twitter, forums, and watching trans youtubers, which helps a lot. Not irl. My dad knows and he's cool with it but he's emotionally distant so it doesn't count for much.
Hello Nick west! Welcome to EC! Your response to @LunarLyric wasn't exactly true. She talked about having support online in addition to real-life. You have support online here on EC. Don't discount us. We understand and can help you, even anonymously. And, as she also said, watching LGBTQ YouTubers onlne can also help. Being isolated isn't unusual for many of us. Neither is the feeling of being ashamed for being other-than-heterosexual, even though we can't control, determine or change our sexuality. We grow up in a heteronormative environment that makes us feel abnormal if we don't share the heterosexual romantic and sexual attractions of our peers. What type of tips or advice are you looking for at this point? Coming to terms with your own sexuality? 'Pretending' to be straight? Trying to change your sexuality (sorry, it can't happen)?
My parents are religious they love me but they make a lot of gay jokes to push me to come out I just feel ashamed.
Hey Nick, So if I understand correctly, right now you are focused on understanding and accepting your homosexuality while also trying to figure how/if/when to Come Out to your family and friends? After that, you want to figure out how to find more connections to the LGBTQ community? This is an LGBTQ help and support website. You have nothing to apologize for here. All of us have been there and done that to some degree or another. You're asking very good and very direct questions, but they cover a lot of ground. So we have to take things step by step. In terms of trying to help your parents to understand, there are a couple of approaches. One being printing and asking them to read the Our Children pamphlet from PFLAG. You said that your parents are religious I'm assuming that you mean Christian. There are some threads here on EC that may help you to understand and better counter their ignorant, Bible-based arguments about homosexuality being 'a sin.' https://forum.emptyclosets.com/inde...ut-being-lgbt-and-christian-very-long.277199/ https://forum.emptyclosets.com/inde...just-dont-know-what-to-do.292811/#post1101418 http://godmademegay.blogspot.co.uk/p/letter-to-louise.html And maybe this site can help you (and potentially your parents) with some insights: http://www.familyacceptance.com/home.html Interacting with other LGBTQ people in a restrictive, unaccepting environment can be very challenging, of course. You said that you don't have access to any LGBTQ centers. The next best option for you is probably to see if there are any LGBTQ-specific meetup.com groups in your general area. Beyond that, perhaps you might find, through online research, some LGBTQ-specific sports, interest or hobby groups within a travelable distance from you. And, further beyond that, you may want to consider moving and finding a job in a larger, more-LGBTQ-friendly community. So those are just some broadstrokes, but you can and should continue to read threads here on EC and interact with us. Hopefully you will become more comfortable with your sexuality over time. Just wondering, do you still live with your parents and are you financially dependent on them?
Oh, sorry, I forgot to include some info on accepting your homosexuality. It sounds like you may have some internalized homophobia. Understanding and accepting our sexuality are part of the same process but are two separate things and don't always occur at the same time. Most of us grow up being taught, whether through religious doctrine or just what society basically deems ‘normal’ that homosexuality is an aberration. When we start to realize that we are not ‘normal’ based on those influences, we might start to lose part of our confidence and our self-worth. We might feel that we are letting our parents and those we love down. But, of course, this isn’t true. We don’t choose our sexuality. We are who we were born to be and the way to deal with that (and honor our Maker, if you are a believer) is to live our lives being the best people we can possibly be. There are 5 steps to the grieving process. First comes Denial: in this case, “no, I’m not gay.” Next comes Anger: “I hate this and I hate myself! Why can’t I just be ‘normal’ like most other people? Why ME!?!” Then comes Bargaining: “So, maybe I’m gay, but then again maybe I’m bisexual. But, no I’m certain I’m gay. Or am I…?” After that comes Depression: “I want to be ‘normal.’ I wish I was heterosexual. This sucks and I don’t think I could ever really live life as a homosexual. I know I can’t face my parents. I don’t even want to face society. I’m just going to hide somewhere until it goes away. Why did I have to be the victim of this cruel joke?” Until, finally, there is Acceptance: “Hmm… Maybe this isn’t as bad as I thought. Maybe I can accept my homosexuality, my same-sex attractions. And you, know what? My sexuality is just a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define who I am. I am going to be the person I was born to be and I will do amazing things with my life!” The steps don’t always occur for any given person in that order and people sometimes go back and forth among the steps. This is a journey that each of us has to undertake on their own, but know that there are people here at EC who love you and will support you as you go through this. One of the biggest challenges for many of us - especially LGTBQ people who grow up in a strict religious environment - is overcoming internalized homophobia. @SiennaFire describes how he dealt with it quite clearly in his EC Blog page: https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?blogs/healing-the-shame-of-being-gay-ec-2-0-edition.29/
