What are you thinking?

Currently set up to move into an apartment in the building across the street from my current place on December 2 and they're coming to inspect tomorrow. Not next week, not the following Monday, less than a week before the move, tomorrow. And right now, I'm hoping the cleaning I'm doing off and on and the fact that I've not done any damage to this place is enough to get them to let it go through as planned because they said in the letter they gave me with information about the move and renovations they're going to be doing after I'm out that failing an inspection could be grounds for denying it. And if for whatever reason they do decide something isn't good enough despite my efforts, I won't be moving across the street, I'll need to find a new place somewhere else, get the deposit and first month's rent around, get approved, a move-in date, and then actually move in. But all the problems not being approved to stay at this apartment complex at this stage would cause is worst case scenario. They didn't specify what specifically they'd be inspecting, so how am I to know what would or wouldn't be seen as acceptable? And they did just inspect last month, a week or two before letting me know it's coming up on time to renovate this apartment so I need to move and nothing has changed here, so it's unlikely if they found it acceptable once, they're not going to suddenly change their minds. But what if, you know? They could decide something really petty that I might have forgotten about or ran out of time before needing to get to bed for work tomorrow is really bad and I can't be trusted to take care of another place here.

 

Well, my father was ultra toxic masculine. He didn't believe a man should cry and he hated gay men. He wasn't emotionless, he had a hair trigger temper, and was horribly mean to anyone who was different. I think I saw him cry once, when a friend of the family died. Other than that, he never cried and was always yelling about different things.

I hope you get a contract offer! Submitting a story to a publisher is terrifying but a great feeling as well. I shook for hours after my first ever submission. How are you feeling? Nervous? Confident? Happy?

 

Suppose I should provide an update. They were apparently in while I was at work, as they do due to how early I work, and I have heard nothing. No phone calls, no notes taped to my front door, nothing. I can only assume the inspectors accepted what they saw and I will in fact be moving into the apartment across the street next month.

 

Finally updated my profile pic. I don’t look too different than I did when I was 18, but 10 years is a long time and I have a different haircut and my beard takes up my full face now. I’m also not a dipshit college freshman anymore.

 

Thinking.... I do not know were to put this so imma put it here -

** There is this guy I like (Online) he is super sweet and everything, has an amazing sense of humor, VERY handsome, he knows what I look like, and I know what he looks like (Don't worry he isn't a catfish I already checked), We flirt with each other time to time, sometimes we call each other on a site and talk to each other face to face over a screen (Hopefully that makes since) but...

Recently he has been getting so mad, (Well it seems that way) and I have no idea why he is getting mad, and then other times he s sweet and loving, I message him every day... and it seems like our chats are getting shorter.. and shorter... to the point were they only last like 3 minutes and we used to talk for 4 hours.

** Its getting to the point where he doesn't even wanna talk to me or he is being like so rude (To me) he always says "I just need to chillax and calm down" but on Saturday I messaged him and was like "Heyyy!!!! Are you ok, we haven't talked much today!" and he replied back saying "Uhg. I have a life you know and its the weekend, and its also my day off" and he logged off

** It hurt so much I started crying so bad - I just don't know what to do.. I feel like he is losing feelings but he says he isn't, but his actions show other wise

 

Anyone know how to edit your letters?
I ment 4 hours

 

I'd just call it ultra toxic. Having uncontrollable reactions to emotions is a pretty weak trait, a man who can't control his anger is a great example of that. The best men get on and support people. I think I'm lucky I had such good examples growing up. My two grandads were both great men in their prime too. One is no longer around but I'll never forget what he taught me. My brother is shaping up well too, he has a nice girlfriend and always treats her well.

 

Yeah highly embarrassing, I met 3 minutes and 4 hours

 

Currently Thinking.. Someone just messaged me on my wall, and I can't respond....

Have to get to 10 post quick!

 

I tried multiple times this week to come out to my best friend as trans, but every time i was about to do it i panicked and aborted. Its really hard to do that.