Finally accepting I’m bisexual!

If we go back 20 or so years, it was widely accepted that all young people go through a "phase" of same sex attraction that we ultimately grow out of. I remember reading advice columns, where concerned teenagers and parents were told not to worry about it, because it will likely pass and it was almost always accepted as true. In actual fact, it's far from true, but that sort of advice led to many people of our generations repressing their true feelings and attempting to conform to social, cultural and community expectations by settling down with an opposite sex partner/spouse. Within those relationships and marriages genuine love and affection developed and for a while everything seemed perfect, but repressed feelings are just that - repressed. They don't really go away and we can't repair them in quack therapy.

As the world has moved on and society has become more accepting of same sex love and relationships, many of us have found that repressed feelings start to boil away again and that can be really difficult to understand, but it also means you are not facing the prospect of coming out into a completely hostile environment.

As we approach mid-life many of us start to reevaluate our lives and desires. It's not necessarily a conscious process, but something that just begins to happen. During this period of introspection many of us reexamine our sexuality and decide to confront unresolved feelings that we previously suppressed or tried to ignore. We also start to pay more attention to our emotional and sexual needs (rightly so) and may question why they are not being fulfilled within existing relationships and marriages. For those of us who have previously experienced same sex intimacy and love, it's not too hard to start piecing things together.

Undoubtedly, there are challenges to navigate your way through, but it can be done. There are many members of this forum who have managed to do so and their personal stories offer great inspiration.

 

This is very true. I’m finding that my desires come from nowhere and are not a conscious thing at all. After all the hand wringing it’s actually fairly obvious that I prefer men, it’s just very hard for me to accept because of my upbringing. It definitely helps to have an outlet like this forum.

 

I was told before my first experience “once take from Pandora’s box… can’t put it back in”

I’m the same, married, wife I love. And gay urges that are bubbling to the surface and boiling hotter than ever

I feel you brother

 

Good luck on your journey of discovery!

 

You said: As we approach mid-life many of us start to reevaluate our lives and desires. It's not necessarily a conscious process, but something that just begins to happen. During this period of introspection many of us reexamine our sexuality and decide to confront unresolved feelings that we previously suppressed or tried to ignore.

So very true as I have and am experiencing the same in my life. I often have wondered “did I cheat myself in life by trying to pretend that I wasn’t attracted to other women? Knowing this early in life why did I put on this mask pretending to be someone else? Would it have been easier to endure the ridicule from family earlier on and have them accept me for who I am over time? “
I appreciate your article and thank you for sharing

Sonia

 

I think one of the worst things we realize when we age is how little we actually care what other people think of us. (It's also one of the best things, too, though, in a way!) I guess, at least you got to have those special sounding and magical times with your friend. Many don't get to experience that, the feelings are so deeply repressed.

 

I guess it's best to look forward without regrets. We cannot change the world we're born into, cannot change the attitudes ingrained into society that determine our inner and outer feelings on life... It's not our fault, people are so abrasive towards difference. At least it sounds like you've fully opened that door into your soul, now. And I'm sure that the more you start to open up, shine a light in there, explore and experience your true nature, the less you'll care about the past.

 

In recent months, I’ve come to accept that I like the idea of being sexual with men. And a few weeks ago I had a very nice close encounter with a man that I would like to see again. So I’ve accepted that I’m bi and it’s OK. The idea of a relationship with a man is a bit out there right now. And I plan to stay closeted or keep my private life private.

 

So happy you accepted yourself !

 

Congratulations. I can relate. I too denied and suppressed my same sex desires throughout my life but they always came back stronger each time to the point I couldn't deny them any more. Acceptance for me was about peace of mind, stopping the inner turmoil and no longer lying to myself or feeling bad because I am attracted to men, which has always seemed as natural as breathing to me. It wasn't about telling the world, it was about telling myself, which was only the beginning of a very enlightening journey. I wish you well.

 

Accepting myself was hard took me 20 years to finally accept myself as bisexual and finally come out

 

Soooo true, Luminous!
I felt frozen in terror whenever it seemed as if a guy as much as hinted that he wanted me sexually - or when anyone suggested I might be queer - and now I'm trying to experience those desires and see where things go for me - the inward mental thing is truly where the battle lies, I believe!

 

Honesty with oneself first helps tremendously, I believe, Jayo!

 

Goodness gracious I have been asking that very same question for a couple of years now.

Had I accepted my attraction to men at a young age, instead of pushing it away, would I have a more fulfilled life today?

I don't like to "regret" anything (it's a useless emotion) but I do wonder & try to look forward.

 

I have recently been outed by wife for cd and other actions. She was very upset and is trying to understand my actions. She went to her therapist last week and I go to mine in mid-January. I am going to talk about my cd and bi side. I don’t know where this will lead but will keep u all in the know. I am scared!

 

David, Ty for ur support. I know EC is great for the support as I go thru this journey. My wife and I had another talk this evening. She asked if I was gay. I had a difficult time answering. I said I’m not sure. She got upset bc she is scared of what that means for her. I told her the cd doesn’t mean I am but it does make me feel comfortable and free. I talked her down and we talked again for an hour. I am so scared and nervous to go to therapist bc he will conclude I’m bi and I will have to tell my wife that when I get home.