It was female FWB and a toy, but yeah. She did enjoy it, so did I. It’s different for sure. It’s quite a lot more effort than doing it the normal way but it did feel good. I’m not sure I’m quite ready for my boyfriend to go there yet!
@tearingtherose Thanks for contributing. I agree with a lot of your post. I think when the defence mechanisms diminish it's allow for a more honest conversation with oneself. I reflected on my attraction to women. I would class it as an aesthetic attraction. I appreciate the bodies of women but I have no sexual desire to have sex or see them naked. Sex, more or less, has always been a chore. This aspect has confused me as I would notice women in public wearing tight clothing and it would gather my attention. My attraction to men, is more raw. It's purely sexual. I'm turned on by male bodies and fantasies about them. I don't have, at the moment, any romantic interest in men. It's been quite a journey in self discovery.
Many of us have started our journey this way. At the beginning I truly believed my attraction to other men was only sexual. However as time went on I started to feel the intense need for a romantic aspect of a relationship with another man. That led to becoming boyfriends with has added so much more pleasure to my homosexuality. Give yourself the chance to explore an emotional connection as well.
It seems natural that it will follow with time. For the moment I'm content with accepting that I like men and it's perfectly ok. Thank you @Contented for your support during the year.
Initially, I found my homosexual attraction to be purely physical, but, as time has passed, I'm looking for something more personal and intimate.
This seems to be very common. A few guys on this thread have posted the same. It seems to be part of the process of fully accepting your sexuality. Did you find yourself having a more diverse appreciation for male beauty too? When I started this journey I had a specific type, now that I'm more accepting of my attraction to men I find more types are grabbing my attention. I had a drunk experience a few weeks ago. I was staying in the hotel after a work party. I went on to a gay app when I returned. My desires always reach a maximum level when I drink. I started chatting to some guys. There was something sexy about knowing that another man was available a couple of meters away. Anyway, for better judgement I decided against it.
This is exactly what I'm finding. I also find that, while on the hole it's the overall man that has drawn my attention, it'll be some specific feature that really catches my. Sometimes it's the eyes, other times a jawline and yet still it might be the shape of his torso or rear. I had one reaction at a checkout before Christmas. The young man serving me turned and looked at me and instantly my heart was racing and I was full of desire. While clearly too young for me, my body still had a strong physical reaction of intense desire for him. I had never experienced something like that before.
You have accepted you are on the gay spectrum, your relationships will evolve when you follow your desires.
Over the past several months, I've been gradually growing more comfortable with my attraction to men, all in private. I hesitated to fully acknowledge it until I had a real-life encounter. Recently, I traveled to another city in Ireland for a weekend, a place far enough away to maintain anonymity. I visited some gay bars, feeling guilty and ashamed before walking into the first one. I ordered a beer, sat by myself in a corner, still worried about someone spotting me even miles away from home. I wasn't there long before some friendly guys approached and started chatting. My outlook quickly changed. I felt more comfortable and like I wasn't being judged. The more relaxed I became, the more attracted and drawn I felt to the guys in the bar. I wonder what this effect was? Later that night marked the first time I kissed another man – a very passionate moment, like getting hit by a bolt of lightning. That night confirmed my sexuality, and since then, I've had butterflies in my stomach thinking about it. I'm gay. Sorry if I missed important points in my story; I usually use my laptop for write-ups.
I think if I'm being honest I cannot say I am bisexual. I'm gay but I am also a sexual creature and am definitely open to sexual encounters with women and trans women. But being honest I am rawly attracted to just men so much more intensely and I know this means, to me unfortunately having to accept it, I am gay. I've done everything in my power to deny this fact, even having come out to myself I still try to convince myself otherwise but the proof is in the pudding. The fact sex with woman is a chore and that i feel so liberated and natural being sexually involved with men answers the question beyond any doubt.
Great to hear this revelation that must feel so liberating. Being in a gay bar is a great feeling. to add to my other post, I find myself craving not just the sexual side of a relationship with a man but the emotional side too. This leap was huge, realising I want more than just the sexual side of a relationship with a man fully seals the deal beyond denial
I think this simply the natural progression of fully embracing your homosexuality. Like you at first I really thought my attraction to men was only sexual. As I became more comfortable with the idea I started to want an emotional and romantic connection as well. When we officially became boyfriends it felt so right, so normal that I knew it was more than time to embrace being openly gay. I felt so liberated and so alive for the first time in years. Any remaining interest in women totally disappeared and that felt so right as well.
Was this a recent development? It's probably a sign that as you become more accepting of your same-sex attraction, your internalized homophobia is diminishing. As contented mentioned, it's probably a natural progression.
Yeah been a very recent development still sort of processing it. I recently had my first gay dream so I guess that shows even subconsciously I am become more accepting of myself. I just can't stop thinking about men and also how I don't really have any attraction for women when I'm in this frame of mind. I do still find it changes though. Maybe it will change less and less over time the more I accept myself.
I think you will find with time your attraction to women completely disappears and the idea of intimacy with a woman becomes distasteful to say the least. This occurs as you begin to work through your internalized homophobia.Embracing your homosexuality then seems so natural so right.
Soon after I had my first homoerotic dreams I created my first post on here. There was just too many signs that I was into men to ignore. It wasn't going away.