I never dealt with locker rooms, I have avoided locker rooms since the fifth grade. I got distracted between classes by guys in tight shirts
You get super obsessed with any movie that has a gay character in it. Alsooo you get really defensive when straight people call stuff gay but it's all good if you or another LGBT+ person says it.
When hugging a boy makes you feel warm and safe inside but you tell yourself it's just because it's your friend. When you get mad at a guy friend with a crush on you for saying you have beautiful eyes but you like his too and are afraid to say it. When your girlfriend suggests a threesome and you secretly hope she wants it to be with another guy but won't admit it to yourself. When you have more failed relationships with girls than your 5 closest friends combined and don't understand why. When being around married straight couples makes you sad inside because you don't think you can ever really be like them one day.
I can totally relate as to why you did that. Last time I was around half-naked women was when I attended some courses about belly-dancing. I pretended to be busy tying my laces, otherwise I risked looking like a pervert staring at them as they changed back to their normal outfits. It was a nightmare, to be around some half-naked pretty girls on leather couches in a cozy little room and not be able to do anything about it.
Or a gay coded character. Another thing similar to that is when you get super emotional watching a happy gay couple and it makes no sense 'because you're not gay'.
Friends are supposed to make you feel the butterflies...not. Oh, the second one. I have an identical experience, a classmate who was my friend told me I had pretty eyes once and I got mad because I was so scared of liking her back. I hadn't had any guys suggesting threesomes. But I sure as heck couldn't find a single guy "good enough" to like to be with. And it made me so frustrated because my friends have had so many experiences, even bad ones but at least it made them feel 'something' and they cried when they were over. I thought I was broken or something for feeling happy after breaking up. Yeah, I felt that sadness when seeing happy straight couples too. Something that tells you you can't see yourself in the position of a happy fulfilled wife for some reason. In your case the role of a satisfied happy husband.
Oh sport classes I got all too excited about girls in tight outfits. I found it very distracting. We had all girls PE.
We had mixed PE and most girls wore baggy outfits but I can understand your pain. By the way, thank you for mentioning that thing about art. I searched for 'art memes' in order to reply to you and the results were hilarious! xD
XD Especially the classical art memes. But to get back to the point, you know you're in denial when you claim with the passion of a thousand suns that being straight is the only thing you can EVER imagine yourself to be and get super offended when anyone hints otherwise. Yep, I've been there.
I was the straightest person ever. Like really straight. Clearly, I was wrong. Which is why I am convinced if I could be gay anyone can be.
I told myself I’d never have sex until marriage but never get married. I invented a fake boyfriend who lived in a different town so no one would think I was weird. To be fair I didn’t know I was gay for the first one at the time it hadn’t occurred to me lesbian was an option.
I know how that must feel like. You go along with what you know you're supposed to say but nothing makes much sense for some reason.
When you take an online quiz to see if you’re gay or not.... Dear 13 year old me, if you have to take a quiz to see if you’re gay, then you probably are
I did the Kinsey scale tests. I read all the articles I could on the subject. But this happened fairly recently, just a few years ago. I was too deep in the closet when I was 13 to notice anything.
When you forbid yourself from pulling on that particular thread because it's just going to make your life more complicated if you do. Better to leave well enough alone than realize something about myself.