I don't know if this is the right forum to post it. If it's not, please move the thread to the correct one! So... I have this colleague at work. He is gay, as I am. We hardly talk about our sexuality, but when we do, I like it because we confront opposite ways to feel, live and express our sexuality that sometimes are difficult to understand, but I like it because I feel it enriches both of us. One day we were talking about how we expressed our sexuality in public. And we both are quite different: he is not afraid of dressing in a "extravagant" way, he does crazy (and amazing) stuff with his hair, he loves all gay-culture stuff, his manners show clearly that he is gay... and, on the other side, I love "gay lifestyle" but sometimes in privat and sometimes as a way of having fun (especially with music) but not as a continuous expression in my daily life, I like dressing properly for my work (as a teacher) and love protocol but at the same time I'm a chaotic freak. Let's say... I could do Barbenheimer last month, both movies at the same day, and I dressed up as Oppenheimer and with a pink top, but both ways were just a disguise. I often joke about July 2008 was the genesis of my personality, as Mamma Mia! and The Dark Knight were released the same day. So, as we were talking about that stuff, he told me those words that have stood in my mind since then: "You dress up very well as heterosexual". He didn't say that to hurt me, and I didn't care. I think... he was "right". And, as I told them, I'm not sure where did it end my child and teen necesity to hide my sexuality and began my real self-expression that is far away to the "gay cliché". So... that made me think. Have you ever had that kind of conversation? It's quite strange to confront yourself like that, don't you think? As if you didn't fit in what the world, and even the gay world, expects you to be.
Without wishing to sound judgemental, some gay men are caricatures of themselves. In other words they over-exaggerate what it means to be a gay man, to the extent of parody. I know that does sound rather judgemental, but I really am unconcerned about it, even *if* they are being a little inauthentic with some of their behaviours. I'm simply trying to illustrate the point that exaggerated representations are not the norm. Most of us don't come out of the closet into a fountain of glitter. We simply choose to live with honesty and then get on with it. We might dress up or down for Pride to join in the carnival atmosphere, but then we'll go back to our conventional reality... and that is reality for the overwhelming majority of gay men. Our sexuality is an important and significant part of our human identity, but it doesn't define everything about us. Don't over analyse what your friend said. In truth, you could reverse the questions onto him, but I wouldn't. As long as we are comfortable in our own skin and gay identity, nothing else matters.
Yeah, I agree. It's my personality, that's all. I love glitter and "gay stuff"... but not everything about it, of course. And that's allright. Gossip, drag, makeup, glitter... are not in my same tune. I know that "gay lifestyle" is just like a disguise for me, as some other disguises, and I have fun with it, but trying not to offend nor mocking anyone. I could dance ABBA for hours and that's an honest expression of myself (I genuinely LOVE it), but I don't want it to be a daily manifestation in my life. My sexuality defines me, but not 100%. As I told him... I don't know if this is a result of my fear of being "discovered", who made me ran away publicly from anything that could be "gay", or me growing up in a heterosexual environment who made me enjoy non-gay stuff. I'll never know for sure. And I don't need it, by the way.
I have liked wearing a pale pink dress shirt with a maroon tie and a charcoal colored suit when I had to dress up. That's as "pink" as my wardrobe gets. Everything else is very conventional. I dress to please myself and have no statements to make with my clothing.
I very much enjoy expressing my gay personality, which I definitely have, but am so scared of being found out. It’s a shame and I envy people who do let that side of them out. It’s what makes me happiest - the cliche “gay” personality really ticks a lot of boxes for me it’s incredible how just thinking about and imagining if I could be that person makes me so happy. Imagine if I actually acted out that person.
