Hello everyone! Thanks for stopping by to take a look at my post : ) I'm having some difficulty processing the events of yesterday and my lack experience in social situations has left me feeling quite bewildered. You can call me Flynn. I'm a socially inept person (or so I think), and up till now I've been living under a rock. When I was at high school, it became pretty obvious to me that I wasn't very good at making friends. I wasn't exactly an outcast, apparently I just wasn't very interesting. I was the "go to guy", the person people would only speak to if nobody else was around. Long story short, it made me feel really displeased and inadequate, and all the while being in the closet, I just couldn't deal so I gave up trying to make friends, and buried myself in books, art, and video games. It's now 10 years later and I just graduated from college. I never realised how damn lonely I was until I started reading the stories that people have been sharing on these forums. So I I decided take some advice from another thread about joining a social club and I found this LGBT one for gamers and I was totally stoked. It took the better half of this year to finally muster the courage to go, and that was yesterday... what a day! I'm not out, period, I've never knowingly spoken to anyone who was LGBT before, and I feel like it was the bravest thing i'd ever done (I feel so pathetic saying that, lol). Cue the "Oh no you didn't" ... The hopeless, affection starved, social retard that I am got himself infatuated with the first guy who acknowledged my existence (I seriously can't stop thinking about him). It was like nobody else existed and I just wanted to get to know him. It certainly didn't help that I thought he was profoundly interesting (my type of guy), really sweet (as he wanted to walk me home so I could get my jacket cause I was literally shivering in my shoes cause it was so cold in the park), and not to mention the fact that we pretty much spent the whole day together, which I liked, a LOT (10 hours has got to be the most time I have ever spent with somebody, ever!). He asked me to come along for dinner with one of his friends who was also coincidentally there on the day, which was nice cause he was pretty cool as well. The three of us kinda just wandered aimlessly around the city looking for somewhere to eat. I've lived here for almost 7 years now and it was like seeing it for the very first time. Between the fireworks going off over the harbor, the tree lined boulevards sparkling with all those pretty fairy lights, the jokes about the glow stick vendors and the spicy seafood he challenged himself to eat for dinner, it was the best night I've ever had, and we didn't really do much. It was just ... perfect. I still can't believe that of all the people that were there, he chose to spend a good portion of his time with me, considering how he seems like my total opposite. I can only imagine that it must have been out of pity cause I would've been left alone otherwise. But who in their right mind would sacrifice their own good time at a social event by choosing to stick around the most socially awkward guy there (and seriously, I was), who stumbled on his words far too many times than he cares to relate? All in all it was a very bittersweet experience cause having to say goodbye really sucked. Anyways, if you're still here, reading, these are some questions I wanted to ask : ) 1. So I'm at the group and there were people who kept looking at me? What's more, they don't look away when I look back? Is this a social cue of some kind? It makes me nervous. 2. Before he left, the guy I liked gave me his contact details and left the ball in my park. I'm not sure what to do. Being from an entirely different city hours away from mine, he has his own circle of friends and I'm afraid that if I were to do anything, like send him a message, im afraid that it will make me appear desperate or something, but I know that if I say nothing at all, I'm afraid he'll forget that I ever existed. I'm not sure what I would say even if I did. Are there any kind of conventions I should follow after having a great time with somebody, and I want to make sure they know that? The group only meets once a month and there's no guarantee I'll get see him again. 3. You're looking to have something sweet after dinner and decide to have a delicious cup of frozen yoghurt from a froghurt bar. Do you pick the pink spoon, or the blue spoon? Why? 4. This is where it gets awkward. There was a fourth guy who tagged along with us for dinner and I think he only did it cause I believe he liked me. I got bad vibes from him from the very first time I met him, and I felt rather uncomfortable having him around. He kept looking at me, and we barely spoke and it was really, really awkward when we did. He asked for my number at the end of the night and I gave it to him cause I didn't want to seem impolite. My suspicions were correct as he has since texted me saying that he wants to see me and I feel sick. Does this make me a bad person? cause I feel really, really guilty. There I am practically begging for friends and someone has clearly extended a hand toward me and I want nothing to do with him. Seriously, does this make me a bad person? : ( My old habits are screaming at me to bury my head in the sand and ignore the message... but I don't want to do that. I will treasure each and every response. Hopefully I'll get some. I really need it! Thanks for reading! : )
I'm not really skilled in this area ... but I do understand the background and I like the fact yesterday was so good an experience. I am sure you will have many more like it. 1. So I'm not really sure about this one - the looking. Its possible you were reading more in to it. Its also possible they were checking you out. Just don't know.. 2. I think it quite OK to send the (nice) guy a text to say you had had a good time and would like to do it again sometime. Without appearing too clingy or desperate. He may or may not suggest something back. Play it by ear. 3. Depends on the colour of the yoghurt - wouldn't want to clash !! 4. Avoid the creepy guy. Your gut instinct (feeling sick!) tells you a lot. So you can either ignore the message or give him a polite brush-off Anyway, whatever happens... good luck with this new chapter in your life !!
He might have wanted to spend all that time with you because he's just that nice and you're new. Or he could really like you. You are probably a lot nicer than you give yourself credit for and also you don't know what kind of guys he's into. You could be totally his type. As far as your questions, I agree with everything Bingostring has said. Todd
1. Depends what kind of look it was... was it intense and creepy? Or like an admiring look? Someone staring could mean allsorts!! 2. Send the nice guy a text!! Now! Sounds like you guys really got along well! Who knows where it might lead!!! 3. Blue. Because I'm not a huge fan of pink. 4. Always go with your gut instinct. If he made you feel that bad to the point where you feel sick... probs not a good idea to go there... good luck!!
Thankyou guys! [1] What if they were smiling when I looked back at them? Is that a cue maybe that it's acceptable to get up and strike a conversation with them? They were never alone though; always with other people at the time. [2] I waited and waited cause I felt really anxious about it, but I sent the nice guy a message last night and he replied within minutes and we ended up talking about all kinds of things for a good 4 hours! I feel so relieved! Now my head is in a spin wondering whether the conversation is going to dry up if we talk too much. lol. I'm starting to get the impression that he does want to get to know me, which on the one hand feels fantastic, but scary at the same time! gads! [4] The nice guy ended up telling me he felt awkward around the other guy as well.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good for you! Butterflies mean there might be something there. The great thing is you are being authentic around him. He likes you! I guarantee most people don't open up 14 hours in their schedule with people they don't like! Don't overthink this. Just keep in contact and be curious about his life. Blue spoon...
I would like to say that I am an extreme social introvert, but I am very friendly with people, especially those like you who others overlook. 1. My own advice is to never make quick assumptions of what other people are thinking about you. Sometimes they may be friendly, but it depends on their personality. As for striking a conversation with them, that can always be hard to do. For me, sometimes I just stand close to people who are having an interesting conversation and after a while pop in with something that adds to the conversation, such as asking a clarifying question or giving an anecdote. Some people are just not very friendly, especially when you first talk to them (these are the ones that look at you like you're an alien), but others are more open, so stick with them. The people who accept you without judgement are the ones who are most likely to be friends, just like this guy you hung out with. 2. It's best to try to arrange something with this guy alone, where you can really get to know him and not have to fight for his attention. Don't rely on just monthly meetings or "regularly scheduled" stuff since they should be the default interactions. Even if he can't do anything soon, he will know you're thinking about him. All in all, it's the little things that count. 3. I don't really care; though, I like blue better. 4. Same as above. You can tell a lot about a person from first impressions. I think it's best to be direct and reply with your denial so that you can nip any attraction in the bud. Obviously, some people are harder to avoid than others, but once you are clear, they have to do a lot of mental gymnastics to fool themselves.
