Wrecking my family because I ‘settled’ too early?

It's very easy to reminisce and look back on what might have been and sometimes the passage of time allows us to forgive and forget about the circumstances that led to a past relationship breaking up, even if it was quite difficult and traumatic at the time. You didn't actually mention why you split up with the old flame, but you seem to be looking at things now in a different light.

Clearly, you have invested quite a lot in your current relationship and it will be difficult to break up, so I would suggest you define your intentions and focus your mind on where you want to be and that's really not going to happen if you are stalking your ex. You will need to break from that habit too because it will not help you to gain a clear perspective.

Prior to all of this, did you have any feelings that you had settled too soon; that you had committed yourself too early to one guy, or is that what you genuinely hoped for when you both began dating? Try to explain, if you can.

If you really believe you have settled too early and if you believe the love has gone from your relationship and you are not happy it will be best to bring it to an end, even if it is difficult, but do ask yourself some serious questions about all of that. Has the unhappiness been running through your relationship like an undercurrent, even before hearing from your ex? Was the love for your boyfriend ebbing away anyway, or does the grass just seem greener now?

Some things to consider. Let us know your thoughts.

 

I strongly believe that all of suffer from "The grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome at one point or another in our lives. Perhaps that's what you're going through right now. In my opinion, you have a good relationship with a person, but you're looking back at a good relationship you had. It's simple past vs present.

That said as @PatrickUK put it, you might benefit from some self-reflection and digging into your thoughts and emotions to figure out some stuff. . No offense intended in any way.

 

Focusing not on the comments about your ex, but the comment your making about looking at other guys and thinking about one of them being a future boyfriend, it would seem you may indeed be in need of some exploration. Some of us need a chance to meet a bunch of people, try on a bunch of different clothes so to speak, and see what fits best. Doing so helps us understand better whom we are and whom we are compatible with.

Often there is a fear of being alone or a strong desire to be connected to someone that may lead us to make quick decisions on being with another person, even if we do not have a real understanding of whom we really are ourselves. When this happens, such relationship might be starting with an unstable foundation.

If you think you fall into this camp, then maybe you should look to either have an honest discussion with your current partner or look to put a pause in the relationship until you have figured things out.