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Would like advise from parents of trans kids

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by repressed, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. repressed

    Regular Member

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    I'm trying to figure out the best way to come out as transgender to my parents. It would be so helpful if you could let me know if there was anything that your kid could have done or said to help with the coming out and accepting process a little better. Or maybe just let me know of somethings that your child did that was really helpful. I know that this will be hard on my parents and I want to help. Or if you yourself have experience coming out and would let me know what you have learned from it so i can learn from that to do better maybe. Thank you for your help.
     
  2. MarathonDad

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    Hi,

    My daughter was always very tom-boyish and rejected the traditional "bubblegum-disney-princess" model of femininity. I never had any issues with that and if anything was somewhat proud of her feeling free to express herself however she wanted.

    At the age of 11 she announced one day that she felt she was transgender and should have been a boy. Our immediate reaction as parents was to humour the idea but basically shrug it off as an idea that she didnt fully understand, hadnt thought through or had just picked up on the grapevine. We thought it was a part of growing up and that she'd eventually work out that just because she didnt fit in the "girly" category it didnt mean she necessarily should be a boy.

    That being said the idea persisted and eventually we made appointments to see relevant specialists still thinking that once the ideas were fully explored she would revert to being that strong, independent, quirky girl.

    What actually happened though, was a firm diagnosis was given by the professionals, lots of discussion happened and my childs understanding of the world as a transgender male firmed up. As parents, we both learnt a lot and embarked on the journey to be as supportive as we could be. the school, doctors and everyone around has been incredibly supportive and now at the age of 13 we have a fully accepted transgender male child.

    We still slip up every now and then and use his old name - or incorrectly use female pronouns, talk about "the girls" instead of "the kids" and ask our youngest about her sister instead of brother - but we're getting there.

    Was has been good to see is that since social transition occurred last term at school - his demeanour and attitude has improved dramatically. There's less dark brooding (that I'd previously attributed to being a teenager) and more cheerful interaction with the world. Its been noted by us in the family and by teachers at school.

    In terms of how do you help your parents? Thats a tough one. Be gentle. Remember you've been thinking about and processing this for some time. They probably havent. Allow them time to consider it and give them a chance to learn. Refer them to online resources to learn what being transgender actually means. Talk to them - show them that you can answer their questions respectfully and rationally. Hopefully they'll see that their child is still there unchanged and still just as lovable as before.

    Good luck!
     
  3. Safeena

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    Hi...my daughter recently very hesistantly came out to me about being gender fluid...luckily for her I ain't d kind to be shocked by such things as I have had quite a few friends who are gays and lesbians...she was very relieved to have been able to confide in me...I think it's very important to always communicate...and also for giving both parties time to adjust with d news...though I have been quite accepting I highly doubt my husband would be d same as he is very conservative in his thoughts ...so for the time being v have decided to take it one step at a time....Coz I think it's best to give these things time to fall into place by being gentle...